I get to go home soon. To see the snow! And ski! I will have to make 17 snow angels as well. And probably push my sister into a drift.
Today’s Exploit:
Today I ventured up to the rig floor to harass the roughnecks. We talked about growing up in small towns and how horrible the drive from Oklahoma City is. We also talked about my pink boots. They didn’t believe that they have steel toes.
Then we talked about hunting and how to cook deer. I have been informed that I will be eating venison fried in the East Texas tradition. Fried.
This sparked an argument between two of the guys about geography and where the boundary line for East Texas lies.
They bickered about this for 2.1 hours before moving on to argue about whether the Rocky Mountains extend into Texas. They had me rolling on the floor laughing with some of their claims.
Kevin: The Rocky Mountains go into Texas, don’t they?
Melvin: No, West Texas is flat.
Kevin: Really, I think they do.
They had to look it up on Google Maps to end the quarrel.
Kevin: So, where are the Rocky Mountains?
Melvin: Colorado.
Kevin: And?
Melvin: New Mexico.
Kevin: And?
Melvin: Nevada.
Kevin: And Texas!
Melvin: It’s only a little tiny bump.
Kevin: It’s still mountains.
Melvin: (Looks at phone) Oh, I just got an update; the little bit fell off and rolled west. So there aren’t mountains in Texas any more.
Friday, December 10
Thursday, December 9
Stealthy
Cellular reception is terrible here. My phone only stays charged for 8.2 hours. Not that I ever use it, but sometimes I like to pretend that I’m popular and people like to communicate with me.
Today’s Exploit:
The guys have decided that I’m sneaky because I can get up to the floor without them hearing me. They seem to think that this is some great feat of stealthyness. They tell me I should let them know when I’m going up the stairs so that I don’t scare them.
I think they’ve been working around loud machinery far too long.
On my trips up I stomp and stumble and sing at the top of my lungs. Sadly my lungs are no match for the grinding and shrieking of the rig. The noise is rapidly increasing my hearing loss, and I spend the nights in a sound-proof box. It’s a good thing I get to leave soon; I think my ears are going to start bleeding if I spend much more time here.
Today’s Exploit:
The guys have decided that I’m sneaky because I can get up to the floor without them hearing me. They seem to think that this is some great feat of stealthyness. They tell me I should let them know when I’m going up the stairs so that I don’t scare them.
I think they’ve been working around loud machinery far too long.
On my trips up I stomp and stumble and sing at the top of my lungs. Sadly my lungs are no match for the grinding and shrieking of the rig. The noise is rapidly increasing my hearing loss, and I spend the nights in a sound-proof box. It’s a good thing I get to leave soon; I think my ears are going to start bleeding if I spend much more time here.
Now that I know I can scare them, no matter how much noise I make, I take pleasure in running up the stairs at random intervals just to say hi.
Wednesday, December 8
Champion
The people out here tell me they’ve killed TONS of rattlesnakes. They also warn me daily to watch for them while I run. They’re pretty much obsessed; it’s all I hear about.
The company man even threatened to shoot me if I run in the dark.
Today’s Exploit:
That guy is back. You know? The one that would sit in the box and talk and talk, and never leave. The one that caused the other crew to buy Mace for me.
I saw him this morning. He waved. This evening he came in and complained about how weak my wave was. He stayed and talked at me about nothing for another half an hour.
I had told my friend Jason about him. (Jason is the one whose wife made Thanksgiving for EVERYONE) He has decided that he is my champion and continually asks me if I need him to get people fired. He also has decided that I need to visit him and his wife since I have no friends.
He’s also decreed that I need to meet his horses since I have funky/cowboy-steel toed boots.
The company man even threatened to shoot me if I run in the dark.
Today’s Exploit:
That guy is back. You know? The one that would sit in the box and talk and talk, and never leave. The one that caused the other crew to buy Mace for me.
I saw him this morning. He waved. This evening he came in and complained about how weak my wave was. He stayed and talked at me about nothing for another half an hour.
I had told my friend Jason about him. (Jason is the one whose wife made Thanksgiving for EVERYONE) He has decided that he is my champion and continually asks me if I need him to get people fired. He also has decided that I need to visit him and his wife since I have no friends.
He’s also decreed that I need to meet his horses since I have funky/cowboy-steel toed boots.
Monday, December 6
Stairs
Honey, honey, honey you're the death of me
Won't stop holding my hands down
Baby, baby, baby you'll never let me
You've got a dark heart
You've got a cold kiss
-The Hush Sound
I really like this song. I listen to it incessantly
Today’s Exploit:
Today I had to work. I had to program some tools that I am not very familiar with. And I had to do it using a connection that I have never used before. It was nearly a traumatic experience.
The first one went very smoothly. Plug in, power up, program, done.
The second one was not so simple. First I had to find a ratchet to remove a plug. The shop did not think this was necessary equipment to send with the toolbox. So I ran up and down the stairs 3 times looking for one. Then I needed a screwdriver small enough to remove a snap clip. So I ran up and down the stairs again. Next was another plug with the same ratchet. Then I needed needle-nose pliers for an e-clip, but I was prepared for this one.
But then I encountered a third plug. And I could not, for the life of me, figure out how to remove it. Nothing in my little toolbox had the proper threads or length to fit the plug and still grip it to pull it out. So I ran up and down the stairs a few more (5.8) times. Finally I stumbled across some directions and a screw in the BIG toolbox.
Finally I was to the port, but then I realized that the connection adapter I had did not fit. This meant 3.2 more trips up and down. I finally discovered another box in a corner under some dirty rags. This box is the Holy Grail for this tool. It had all the equipment I needed to begin with, but the guy I work with neglected to mention it’s location. I might have to hide it under some empty boxes for when he has to program tools.
I think I made 86.4 trips up the stairs today. Currently my legs are protesting. I’ll be lucky if I make it back to the trailer without crawling. Anyone have an extra pair of crutches? Or a walker? Or a wheelchair?
Won't stop holding my hands down
Baby, baby, baby you'll never let me
You've got a dark heart
You've got a cold kiss
-The Hush Sound
I really like this song. I listen to it incessantly
Today’s Exploit:
Today I had to work. I had to program some tools that I am not very familiar with. And I had to do it using a connection that I have never used before. It was nearly a traumatic experience.
The first one went very smoothly. Plug in, power up, program, done.
The second one was not so simple. First I had to find a ratchet to remove a plug. The shop did not think this was necessary equipment to send with the toolbox. So I ran up and down the stairs 3 times looking for one. Then I needed a screwdriver small enough to remove a snap clip. So I ran up and down the stairs again. Next was another plug with the same ratchet. Then I needed needle-nose pliers for an e-clip, but I was prepared for this one.
But then I encountered a third plug. And I could not, for the life of me, figure out how to remove it. Nothing in my little toolbox had the proper threads or length to fit the plug and still grip it to pull it out. So I ran up and down the stairs a few more (5.8) times. Finally I stumbled across some directions and a screw in the BIG toolbox.
Finally I was to the port, but then I realized that the connection adapter I had did not fit. This meant 3.2 more trips up and down. I finally discovered another box in a corner under some dirty rags. This box is the Holy Grail for this tool. It had all the equipment I needed to begin with, but the guy I work with neglected to mention it’s location. I might have to hide it under some empty boxes for when he has to program tools.
I think I made 86.4 trips up the stairs today. Currently my legs are protesting. I’ll be lucky if I make it back to the trailer without crawling. Anyone have an extra pair of crutches? Or a walker? Or a wheelchair?
Saturday, December 4
Doctor Visit
I slept for 4.38 hours, then drove for 10.12 hours, then worked for 12.72 hours. Please forgive my incoherence.
Today’s Exploit:
I went to the doctor the other day. It was very traumatic.
I got an infection on my hand. My eczema sometimes gets too dried out and cracks and then gets infected. So I made an appointment with my dermatologist for a checkup and to get drugs to make the infection go away.
I arrived at the doctor’s office, and was shown to a room where I waited for 15.82 minutes. It was very boring and sterile. This doctor doesn’t put pictures on the walls.
Then she came in. She asked what my concerns were, so I told her about my infection. She looked at it and said, “it’s a wart.” I didn’t believe her. In my experience warts do not grow to the size of chocolate chips, or get inflamed, or make it hurt to bend your fingers. They don’t have puss in them either.
But the doctor happily got a razor and started hacking at my finger, claiming she was cutting off the callus. By the time she was done my finger was almost gone. And it didn’t feel any better. Then she was going to freeze the rest of it off.
I declined.
I still didn’t believe it was a wart.
And it was still infected. But I was afraid she’d cut the rest of my hand off if I stayed any longer to ask about it. So I ran as fast as I could to my car and roared away.
Today’s Exploit:
I went to the doctor the other day. It was very traumatic.
I got an infection on my hand. My eczema sometimes gets too dried out and cracks and then gets infected. So I made an appointment with my dermatologist for a checkup and to get drugs to make the infection go away.
I arrived at the doctor’s office, and was shown to a room where I waited for 15.82 minutes. It was very boring and sterile. This doctor doesn’t put pictures on the walls.
Then she came in. She asked what my concerns were, so I told her about my infection. She looked at it and said, “it’s a wart.” I didn’t believe her. In my experience warts do not grow to the size of chocolate chips, or get inflamed, or make it hurt to bend your fingers. They don’t have puss in them either.
But the doctor happily got a razor and started hacking at my finger, claiming she was cutting off the callus. By the time she was done my finger was almost gone. And it didn’t feel any better. Then she was going to freeze the rest of it off.
I declined.
I still didn’t believe it was a wart.
And it was still infected. But I was afraid she’d cut the rest of my hand off if I stayed any longer to ask about it. So I ran as fast as I could to my car and roared away.
Thursday, November 25
Pie Day
I was asked to identify a snake today. I don’t know anything about snakes.
Cody: Do you know what it is?
Me: It’s a snake.
Cody: Yeah, what kind is it?
Me: I don’t know.
Today’s Exploit:
I had a good story, I know it.
I just don’t remember what it was.
I’m making pies today. And I chopped about fifteen pounds of potatoes for the roughnecks. My new friend Amanda also chopped five pounds. They decided to make mashed potatoes and potato salad. With no eggs. All the eggs went toward Deviled eggs.
Oh, and did I mention the pies? I am making three, Amanda made three, and the company man or toolpusher, or someone has two (I think his may be store bought). Wish me luck. I’m leaving my apple pie in the oven all night like an old neighbor said to. Hopefully it doesn’t start to moulder in this crazy humidity.
PS. Happy Thanksgiving!
Cody: Do you know what it is?
Me: It’s a snake.
Cody: Yeah, what kind is it?
Me: I don’t know.
Today’s Exploit:
I had a good story, I know it.
I just don’t remember what it was.
I’m making pies today. And I chopped about fifteen pounds of potatoes for the roughnecks. My new friend Amanda also chopped five pounds. They decided to make mashed potatoes and potato salad. With no eggs. All the eggs went toward Deviled eggs.
Oh, and did I mention the pies? I am making three, Amanda made three, and the company man or toolpusher, or someone has two (I think his may be store bought). Wish me luck. I’m leaving my apple pie in the oven all night like an old neighbor said to. Hopefully it doesn’t start to moulder in this crazy humidity.
PS. Happy Thanksgiving!
Tuesday, November 23
A History
For a moment there I almost had a hope of being off for the holiday. But that almost hope was quickly dashed away when I looked at a larger version of the well plot. Probably I still have 2.84 weeks, just because I was hoping.
Today’s Exploit:
I was looking up some useless trivia and stumbled over a fact about Dracula. I am currently reading the book, and was rather intrigued. So I did some more research, because the gory facts were too disgusting to pass by.
Turns out Count Dracula may be loosely based on a real person. A person who actually lived, and existed, and murdered people in history. This person was Vlad the Impaler, a prince of Wallachia. He lived in the 1400s.
He fought very hard for his throne, and somehow ended up having three different reigns. Throughout his life he killed thousands of people, mostly Turks. Most of them were impaled, thus the title.
Eventually he was killed in battle, or possibly had had his eyes burned out and then was buried alive. And the next day, or a few years later, when they opened his grave he wasn’t there. The death scenario depends on the source. But they agree that his remains weren’t in his grave.
Woooo…he was already a vampire!
The end.
Today’s Exploit:
I was looking up some useless trivia and stumbled over a fact about Dracula. I am currently reading the book, and was rather intrigued. So I did some more research, because the gory facts were too disgusting to pass by.
Turns out Count Dracula may be loosely based on a real person. A person who actually lived, and existed, and murdered people in history. This person was Vlad the Impaler, a prince of Wallachia. He lived in the 1400s.
He fought very hard for his throne, and somehow ended up having three different reigns. Throughout his life he killed thousands of people, mostly Turks. Most of them were impaled, thus the title.
Eventually he was killed in battle, or possibly had had his eyes burned out and then was buried alive. And the next day, or a few years later, when they opened his grave he wasn’t there. The death scenario depends on the source. But they agree that his remains weren’t in his grave.
Woooo…he was already a vampire!
The end.
Monday, November 22
BFF - Probably Not
It occurred to me today that hunting season is in session. (I have this revelation several times throughout the fall, because there is no snow here) I also realized that I was on some back road in the country. And I wasn’t wearing orange. And probably I was surrounded by hunters.
I ran really fast back to the main dirt road.
Today’s Exploit:
I have had another baffling conversation with my friend Joseph. I thought I'd share it. Please let me know if you can make more sense of it than I.
…
Joseph: Haha. Yes. U aren’t boring to me. I like that we text.
Me: Me too.
Joseph: :) yaYyy. Bffs. Haha
Me: Haha, that’s akward.
Joseph: Awww What! :( haha
Me: I don’t know. I guess I’m not a “bff” kind of person?
Joseph: Ooooo. Its cuz I’m white huh? I see now.
Me: Yes that’s it. And you’re not tall enough. And probably smarter than me. Otherwise it would be ok.
Joseph: Awwwww. I’ not tall enough? Womp. And I thought I hada chance wit u :(
Me: It’s true. You must be at least 7’3”.
Joseph: O ok. Well ill delete ur number now :( haha
Me: Also you must speak with a “valley girl” accent. And I really hope you don’t because hearing people talk like that makes my hair hurt.
Me: We can be regular friends. Just not bffs. K?
Joseph: Hahahahahahah. Oookkkkk
Me: Do you ever go ice skating? I want to learn how to play hockey.
Joseph: Yesss I love ice skating!
Some of our conversations remind me of conversations with my sister. For example the conversation about her bum…
I ran really fast back to the main dirt road.
Today’s Exploit:
I have had another baffling conversation with my friend Joseph. I thought I'd share it. Please let me know if you can make more sense of it than I.
…
Joseph: Haha. Yes. U aren’t boring to me. I like that we text.
Me: Me too.
Joseph: :) yaYyy. Bffs. Haha
Me: Haha, that’s akward.
Joseph: Awww What! :( haha
Me: I don’t know. I guess I’m not a “bff” kind of person?
Joseph: Ooooo. Its cuz I’m white huh? I see now.
Me: Yes that’s it. And you’re not tall enough. And probably smarter than me. Otherwise it would be ok.
Joseph: Awwwww. I’ not tall enough? Womp. And I thought I hada chance wit u :(
Me: It’s true. You must be at least 7’3”.
Joseph: O ok. Well ill delete ur number now :( haha
Me: Also you must speak with a “valley girl” accent. And I really hope you don’t because hearing people talk like that makes my hair hurt.
Me: We can be regular friends. Just not bffs. K?
Joseph: Hahahahahahah. Oookkkkk
Me: Do you ever go ice skating? I want to learn how to play hockey.
Joseph: Yesss I love ice skating!
Some of our conversations remind me of conversations with my sister. For example the conversation about her bum…
Sunday, November 21
I Met More
Today I told the DD that I am thinking of moving.
He spent three hours telling me everything that’s good about Corpus Christi.
Unfortunately living there would leave me in the same predicament I’m in now: I have to drive at least 6 hours to get to my job.
Today’s Exploit:
I went for my daily run today. It was a fight to get myself out of bed, and then dressed and out the door. Then it was a fight to make myself keep moving.
On the bright side I met 4 dogs.
The Husky: I named it Sasha. It was just there to run with me. Stayed with me for about half a mile before it saw a rabbit and took off. Then it found me when I was at work.
The Border Collie: At least I think that’s what it was. It barked at me for 4.83 minutes then hid as I got close. I could hear it rustling around in the bushes as I passed.
The Pug: I met this guy chasing cars, and stopped to pet him. He is a jumper, and too quick for me to keep him down. But we’re friends for life since I petted him.
The Black Lab: This guy was turning grey, but still trying to chase cars with the pug. I called them Harry and Garfunkel. He held back until Garfunkel got some pets. Then he came to visit. He was almost as big as me, and he smelled bad.
To Harry’s owners: He needs a bath!
He spent three hours telling me everything that’s good about Corpus Christi.
Unfortunately living there would leave me in the same predicament I’m in now: I have to drive at least 6 hours to get to my job.
Today’s Exploit:
I went for my daily run today. It was a fight to get myself out of bed, and then dressed and out the door. Then it was a fight to make myself keep moving.
On the bright side I met 4 dogs.
The Husky: I named it Sasha. It was just there to run with me. Stayed with me for about half a mile before it saw a rabbit and took off. Then it found me when I was at work.
The Border Collie: At least I think that’s what it was. It barked at me for 4.83 minutes then hid as I got close. I could hear it rustling around in the bushes as I passed.
The Pug: I met this guy chasing cars, and stopped to pet him. He is a jumper, and too quick for me to keep him down. But we’re friends for life since I petted him.
The Black Lab: This guy was turning grey, but still trying to chase cars with the pug. I called them Harry and Garfunkel. He held back until Garfunkel got some pets. Then he came to visit. He was almost as big as me, and he smelled bad.
To Harry’s owners: He needs a bath!
Saturday, November 20
Anticlimactic
I regret to inform you that nothing exciting has happened in my life, therefore I have writers' block.
Today's Exploit:
The meeting of the DD's wife was rather anticlimactic. She arrived, she was introduced, and he passed around sonogram prints while she ate fast food.
Then I made some tea and went to work.
Then end.
Today's Exploit:
The meeting of the DD's wife was rather anticlimactic. She arrived, she was introduced, and he passed around sonogram prints while she ate fast food.
Then I made some tea and went to work.
Then end.
Friday, November 19
New Friend
Today I am supposed to meet a new friend.
The day DD's wife is coming to visit. And he says we're very alike. Therefore we will be new best friends. I think the idea is for me to entertain her this afternoon, until he gets off work.
Today's Exploit:
I'll let you know how it goes.
The day DD's wife is coming to visit. And he says we're very alike. Therefore we will be new best friends. I think the idea is for me to entertain her this afternoon, until he gets off work.
Today's Exploit:
I'll let you know how it goes.
Thursday, November 18
Bicycle Adventure
The weather down here is crazy.
I went for my daily run at 3:38 pm. The sky was clear the entire time. Not a single cloud floating around up there.
I got back and showered and found the sky was black, and rain was pouring down. And lightening hit very nearby. It was very loud and scary and shook the rig.
Today’s Exploit:
I went for my daily run at 3:38 pm. The sky was clear the entire time. Not a single cloud floating around up there.
I got back and showered and found the sky was black, and rain was pouring down. And lightening hit very nearby. It was very loud and scary and shook the rig.
Today’s Exploit:
Wednesday, November 17
Walk the Dog
The other day I went to the beach. I was called to a rig, but when I arrived I was told they didn’t need me to be there for another two days, at least. So I went to Galveston Island. I walked on the beach and watched surfers and picked up bits of shells.
Today’s Exploit:
While at the beach I saw many, many people run by. The sidewalk and the street are about 15.8 feet above the beach level, so I mostly saw them while driving and sitting in my car.
I’d found a nice place to park and sat on the passenger side of the car to change my shoes. I was admiring the area and watching people when I noticed one particular jogger. He was an older man. He wore ordinary clothes and was not particularly distinctive except for the fact that he looked a bit lop-sided.
I watched for a few seconds trying to discern the reason for the unbalance. At first I thought it was some sort of pack on his back, and that he was on a VERY long run. But the pack was lumpy and mostly over one shoulder, so I didn’t quite believe that scenario.
Finally he got close enough for me to see his “pack”.
He’d placed his dog…HIS DOG…over his shoulder. It bouncing around and hanging on for dear life. And it watched me as the guy ran by. I tried hard not to stare too hard, because I’m pretty sure the dog was begging me to take it for a normal walk, at least until the run was over.
And I was too slow with my camera to get a picture. I saw they guy again, on his way back. The dog was over his other shoulder watching the world go by. I took a video with my phone, but it was too pixilated to see any definition. Here is a photo to show you a bit of the indignity that the dog suffered.
 |
| Picture from here. |
Tuesday, November 16
Wardrobe Malfunction
I have a retractable cat 5/Ethernet cable for my computer. I got it when I started my job, so that I have an easy way to connect to the internet while I’m at rigs. I just discovered that it has, attached to the sides, two adapters for regular phone ports. I am so observant that it only took me 20 months to notice this.
Today’s Exploit:
When I was home I got to go to one of the Thursday night dances that the dance studio holds every week. I also decided to be brave, or foolish, and wear a strapless dress. I don’t have a very good history with strapless garments. My body has the special shape that makes skirts ride up to waist level, and shirts or dresses slide down to the same area.
I made it successfully to the studio and distributed the cupcakes I’d brought, and danced a song with Shawn.
At this point I decided to take off my bra, because it seemed to be aiding gravity and nature in getting my dress to slide down.
This solution worked quite well for a while, until I had to do turns. Having my arms up allowed the dress to slip much more quickly. But I was still able to function, mostly.
The next song was a Tango. I usually dance these with Shawn, because…just because. I thought I’d be safe because this dance does not usually involve many spins.
I was doing quite well until a big dramatic part of the song came up and Shawn decided to do a big dramatic swivel/kick/lunge move.
Suddenly I felt the dress move. And before I knew it I’d flashed everyone in the studio. And a few people outside. And I was right next to the mirror, for one of those 3D, all around view experiences.
I am pretty sure I had it fixed before I finished turning red. I also had a very strong fight or flight moment and it took nearly all of my willpower to overcome the urge to run out and never return. But I mastered it and proceeded to the following conversation.
Me: GASP!
Shawn: Are you ok?
Me: My dress just slipped down!
Shawn: And I missed it?
Me: Astohishment
Shawn: That has happened exactly 4 times since I started working here, and I always miss it because I am in frame!
Me: Oh.
Shawn: Don’t worry. No one saw anything, except maybe Jose.
Jose is the sketchy Mexican instructor that wears too much cologn and makes me feel like I need to be wearing 7 more layers of clothing.
Me: Great. Glad it turned out to be him.
Shawn spent the rest of the even alternating between telling me that no one saw anything and teasing me about stripping in public.
Then he thought it’d be fun to put me in the spotlight again. On the microphone.
“I just wanted to recognize PJ…long, nervous pause where I was sure he was going to tell the world about my “new occupation”... for bringing cupcakes.
You’re welcome, now stop looking at me.
Today’s Exploit:
When I was home I got to go to one of the Thursday night dances that the dance studio holds every week. I also decided to be brave, or foolish, and wear a strapless dress. I don’t have a very good history with strapless garments. My body has the special shape that makes skirts ride up to waist level, and shirts or dresses slide down to the same area.
I made it successfully to the studio and distributed the cupcakes I’d brought, and danced a song with Shawn.
At this point I decided to take off my bra, because it seemed to be aiding gravity and nature in getting my dress to slide down.
This solution worked quite well for a while, until I had to do turns. Having my arms up allowed the dress to slip much more quickly. But I was still able to function, mostly.
The next song was a Tango. I usually dance these with Shawn, because…just because. I thought I’d be safe because this dance does not usually involve many spins.
I was doing quite well until a big dramatic part of the song came up and Shawn decided to do a big dramatic swivel/kick/lunge move.
Suddenly I felt the dress move. And before I knew it I’d flashed everyone in the studio. And a few people outside. And I was right next to the mirror, for one of those 3D, all around view experiences.
I am pretty sure I had it fixed before I finished turning red. I also had a very strong fight or flight moment and it took nearly all of my willpower to overcome the urge to run out and never return. But I mastered it and proceeded to the following conversation.
Me: GASP!
Shawn: Are you ok?
Me: My dress just slipped down!
Shawn: And I missed it?
Me: Astohishment
Shawn: That has happened exactly 4 times since I started working here, and I always miss it because I am in frame!
Me: Oh.
Shawn: Don’t worry. No one saw anything, except maybe Jose.
Jose is the sketchy Mexican instructor that wears too much cologn and makes me feel like I need to be wearing 7 more layers of clothing.
Me: Great. Glad it turned out to be him.
Shawn spent the rest of the even alternating between telling me that no one saw anything and teasing me about stripping in public.
Then he thought it’d be fun to put me in the spotlight again. On the microphone.
“I just wanted to recognize PJ…long, nervous pause where I was sure he was going to tell the world about my “new occupation”... for bringing cupcakes.
You’re welcome, now stop looking at me.
Monday, November 15
Night on the Town
I was going to be productive last night, and churn out a few posts for the next couple days because I have some really juicy stories.
But then Procrastination happened.
And then the Job happened. And my good intentions went to the seventh circle of hell in a fast car. Probably a convertible. Or at least a sun roof.
But I will be good tonight. At least for one post.
Today’s Exploit:
When I finally got home after my school, and after all the chores were done, like paying bills and renewing my lease and getting my Oklahoma driver’s license (boo), I finally ventured out of my flat and went to a bar. I went to one that I knew would have dancing. And it was kinda fun.
Naturally along the way I met some strange people. And some creepers. Gross.
Dance partner #1: The first guy I danced with was an older gentleman who I’d seen dancing with about three other people before he asked me. He was very good, and happy to be there. He told me stories about when he first started going to this bar, how different it was. And he told me about riding on “Gators” where he lives.
Dance partner #2: The next guy was not as experienced a dancer and he spent the whole time counting. Not out loud, but he had to move his lips to keep track of the beat. He later forced me to learn a line dance.
I have discovered that most line dances are quite boring. They do the same 4 movements over and over again for the entire 4 minutes and 38 seconds of the song. And at this bar they did 3 line dances. The one I learned they ended up doing 28 times, I watched 27. I’m amazed at how excited people are to do these dances, over and over and over again. I was bored before the first song ended.
Dance partner #3: This guy thought he was the gods’ gift to women. The first thing he told me while we were dancing was”
“I’m pretty good, I’ve been dancing since I was 12.”
Turns out I’m better than him and I’ve done this dance a grand total of 32 times.
I danced with this guy a couple times, and after every dance he’d touch my shoulder or my side, or stand WAY too close. I wanted to yell at him: I’M HERE TO DANCE, NOT BE YOUR ONE NIGHT STAND, SICKO!
But I was nice and just stepped away.
Dance partner #4: This kid was crazy. He was a very enthusiastic dancer. This nearly resulted in a few pulled muscles and finding myself upside down on more than one occasion.
He liked to do stunts, but wouldn’t tell me before he did them. So I was upside down flailing, and trying to find my feet so I wouldn’t land on my head.
He also knew nearly everyone at the bar, and would randomly stop to talk to them. I’d be left to make my way out of the crush of people in the middle of the song.
But then Procrastination happened.
And then the Job happened. And my good intentions went to the seventh circle of hell in a fast car. Probably a convertible. Or at least a sun roof.
But I will be good tonight. At least for one post.
Today’s Exploit:
When I finally got home after my school, and after all the chores were done, like paying bills and renewing my lease and getting my Oklahoma driver’s license (boo), I finally ventured out of my flat and went to a bar. I went to one that I knew would have dancing. And it was kinda fun.
Naturally along the way I met some strange people. And some creepers. Gross.
Dance partner #1: The first guy I danced with was an older gentleman who I’d seen dancing with about three other people before he asked me. He was very good, and happy to be there. He told me stories about when he first started going to this bar, how different it was. And he told me about riding on “Gators” where he lives.
Dance partner #2: The next guy was not as experienced a dancer and he spent the whole time counting. Not out loud, but he had to move his lips to keep track of the beat. He later forced me to learn a line dance.
I have discovered that most line dances are quite boring. They do the same 4 movements over and over again for the entire 4 minutes and 38 seconds of the song. And at this bar they did 3 line dances. The one I learned they ended up doing 28 times, I watched 27. I’m amazed at how excited people are to do these dances, over and over and over again. I was bored before the first song ended.
Dance partner #3: This guy thought he was the gods’ gift to women. The first thing he told me while we were dancing was”
“I’m pretty good, I’ve been dancing since I was 12.”
Turns out I’m better than him and I’ve done this dance a grand total of 32 times.
I danced with this guy a couple times, and after every dance he’d touch my shoulder or my side, or stand WAY too close. I wanted to yell at him: I’M HERE TO DANCE, NOT BE YOUR ONE NIGHT STAND, SICKO!
But I was nice and just stepped away.
Dance partner #4: This kid was crazy. He was a very enthusiastic dancer. This nearly resulted in a few pulled muscles and finding myself upside down on more than one occasion.
He liked to do stunts, but wouldn’t tell me before he did them. So I was upside down flailing, and trying to find my feet so I wouldn’t land on my head.
He also knew nearly everyone at the bar, and would randomly stop to talk to them. I’d be left to make my way out of the crush of people in the middle of the song.
Sunday, November 14
Famous Cupcakes
So, for the past month I’ve gotten distracted, and been sidetracked and had writer’s block, otherwise known as “lack of motivation”. But I’m back, I think. And I have a few posts up my sleeve.
Today’s Exploit:
I survived school by the skin of my teeth and was sent straight to a rig. At the gate to the location they stopped me and had me wait for an escort, because this place has ridiculous security. Then they decided that I needed to leave my car at the gate. This was good, because they have “bump gates”, which I’d never seen before. And they probably would have been too much for Starla to handle.
I’ve worked with the guys on this rig before. They are the ones that adopted Little Buddy. (aka Charlie aka Ruby) And the ones of the embarrassing, awkward pork chop dinner. And so on, and so forth.
I hear they’ve spent the past few months harassing Virginia. They wanted her to make those cupcakes that I made for them. Those really good ones. Yeah, the good ones that P.J. made. Unfortunately for Virginia, I made that recipe up, even if they were able to come up with a name for them.
This time I worked with a new crew. One of the ones that worked days last time.
Naturally they were expecting baked goods. And I was sad to inform them that I don’t really do that anymore.
They didn’t believe me. They wouldn’t even take the excuse that I didn’t have my car. Poor Starla was at the gate, 16 miles away. And they didn’t believe that I’d been sent straight from school, and had none of the required items for baking.
They hassled me a lot.
Today’s Exploit:
I survived school by the skin of my teeth and was sent straight to a rig. At the gate to the location they stopped me and had me wait for an escort, because this place has ridiculous security. Then they decided that I needed to leave my car at the gate. This was good, because they have “bump gates”, which I’d never seen before. And they probably would have been too much for Starla to handle.
I’ve worked with the guys on this rig before. They are the ones that adopted Little Buddy. (aka Charlie aka Ruby) And the ones of the embarrassing, awkward pork chop dinner. And so on, and so forth.
I hear they’ve spent the past few months harassing Virginia. They wanted her to make those cupcakes that I made for them. Those really good ones. Yeah, the good ones that P.J. made. Unfortunately for Virginia, I made that recipe up, even if they were able to come up with a name for them.
This time I worked with a new crew. One of the ones that worked days last time.
Naturally they were expecting baked goods. And I was sad to inform them that I don’t really do that anymore.
They didn’t believe me. They wouldn’t even take the excuse that I didn’t have my car. Poor Starla was at the gate, 16 miles away. And they didn’t believe that I’d been sent straight from school, and had none of the required items for baking.
They hassled me a lot.
Monday, October 25
Filler
So, I was going to be motivated and up to date for my posting today. I was going to post about my traumatic weekend, but then my sister called. And I had to talk to her for a while, and then I had to help set up for the barbecue. And then I had to attend the barbecue and throw the football until my arm fell off. Because the South Americans are rather fascinated. And they really can’t throw a football at all.
I also watched a very intense game of soccer, aka the real football. And got hit in the head twice by wicked kicks. Therefore I don’t have a new post completed.
The end.
I also watched a very intense game of soccer, aka the real football. And got hit in the head twice by wicked kicks. Therefore I don’t have a new post completed.
The end.
Friday, October 22
Class Outing: Chinese Dining
The other day I went running. Normally I run down the alley to the larger street and take a left. Then I run until I’m tired and ready to turn back. On this particular day I was off to a good start when I came upon a large line of traffic. Rather than trying to dodge in and out of the cars to get to the other side of the street I decided to turn. I thought eventually I’d come to another cross street where I could loop around and get back to the hotel.
Not so much.
I ended up running through a rather frightening neighborhood. Lots of people sitting on their porches eyeing me with skepticism, wondering what this crazy white girl is doing running on their block. The kids were playing with trash in the muddy, mucky river. And the men made nasty comments in Spanish. I didn’t understand, but I could tell by the creepy glint in their eyes.
Finally I hit a dead end. And had to go back through the whole process. That was a long run.
Today’s Exploit:
Last week someone from my class was able to organize 16 of 21 of us to go out to dinner. The final selection for the restaurant was a Chinese place down the road.
After a small mishap where the organizer was left at the hotel, and three more people joined us, we were seated in a private room. With one large round table and a very large Lazy Susan in the middle, so everyone has access to all the dishes when they’re served.
Then we were told we must spend at least $150. After the initial shock of the number, we gradually realized that we had plenty of attendees to facilitate this, and got down to the business of ordering.
We have two people from China in our class, so they were explaining dishes, and taking orders that everyone was shouting out. Eventually we had what they deemed enough dishes, and they took the order to the wait staff.
Meanwhile I was trying to stave-off a migraine from flickering lights and far too much noise and claustrophobia from 16 people packed around a table meant for 10.
The loud Brazilian ordered Chinese beer, and became even louder. The two Chinese students blossomed in this setting, and were very happy and helpful and funny. And everyone had a good time.
Then the food came. And madness ensued. I’m pretty sure 4 people tried to climb across the table to get the first bite of food. Finally we had enough that nearly everyone could access food at the same time. That’s when silence fell
Every once in a while someone would come up from the depths of their plate to notice how good Mei and Danny are at using chopsticks. Or to ask for another beer. Or to look for another dish.
When the last person had slowed down to picking at a few remaining morsels we surveyed the carnage. Only a few pieces of lettuce and some peppers were left of the 23 dishes we’d ordered. Danny was so pleased and spent the next 23 minutes telling us how happy they’d be that we finished the food.
So we split up the check and filed out the door where the entire group proceeded to desert the drivers to walk back to the hotel or over to the ice cream shoppe.
And now I must be off to take some more notes.
Good bye.
Not so much.
I ended up running through a rather frightening neighborhood. Lots of people sitting on their porches eyeing me with skepticism, wondering what this crazy white girl is doing running on their block. The kids were playing with trash in the muddy, mucky river. And the men made nasty comments in Spanish. I didn’t understand, but I could tell by the creepy glint in their eyes.
Finally I hit a dead end. And had to go back through the whole process. That was a long run.
Today’s Exploit:
Last week someone from my class was able to organize 16 of 21 of us to go out to dinner. The final selection for the restaurant was a Chinese place down the road.
After a small mishap where the organizer was left at the hotel, and three more people joined us, we were seated in a private room. With one large round table and a very large Lazy Susan in the middle, so everyone has access to all the dishes when they’re served.
Then we were told we must spend at least $150. After the initial shock of the number, we gradually realized that we had plenty of attendees to facilitate this, and got down to the business of ordering.
We have two people from China in our class, so they were explaining dishes, and taking orders that everyone was shouting out. Eventually we had what they deemed enough dishes, and they took the order to the wait staff.
Meanwhile I was trying to stave-off a migraine from flickering lights and far too much noise and claustrophobia from 16 people packed around a table meant for 10.
The loud Brazilian ordered Chinese beer, and became even louder. The two Chinese students blossomed in this setting, and were very happy and helpful and funny. And everyone had a good time.
Then the food came. And madness ensued. I’m pretty sure 4 people tried to climb across the table to get the first bite of food. Finally we had enough that nearly everyone could access food at the same time. That’s when silence fell
Every once in a while someone would come up from the depths of their plate to notice how good Mei and Danny are at using chopsticks. Or to ask for another beer. Or to look for another dish.
When the last person had slowed down to picking at a few remaining morsels we surveyed the carnage. Only a few pieces of lettuce and some peppers were left of the 23 dishes we’d ordered. Danny was so pleased and spent the next 23 minutes telling us how happy they’d be that we finished the food.
So we split up the check and filed out the door where the entire group proceeded to desert the drivers to walk back to the hotel or over to the ice cream shoppe.
And now I must be off to take some more notes.
Good bye.
Thursday, October 21
Find-It
My classmates and I have been given access to a game room at the hotel in which we’re staying. It has a billiards table, which converts to a ping pong table. And a foozball game and air hockey, as well as a Wii. It is a very nice suite with washing machines for us as well.
The most popular part of this suite is the billiards/ping pong table. Along with the sink full of ice and beer and the fridge overflowing with beer and the counter stacked with backups to replace the ones taken out to drink.
Another popular aspect is the window. The first thing done when we explored the rooms was to remove the safety bar that prevented the window from opening. Currently it’s the place to escape to to drink in quiet, and to smoke. The smokers are lazy. They don’t want to go all the way downstairs and across the lobby to get outside. They’d rather climb out the window and risk getting caught by the angry security guard.
They’ve been admonished several times for being out there.
Today’s Exploit:
The other day I was bored, so I went to visit with the last DD as he packed to leave. He told me he was trying to decide what to leave here so that I would fit into his suitcase. He claimed it wouldn’t be too much. (And it was more than a little tempting.)
While I was there, getting in the way and being obnoxious he discovered that a pair of glasses had been misplaced. I had once mentioned that I was the find-it person at home and in school, so he designated me search party.
We looked and looked. I opened all the drawers and cabinets and looked under tables and behind the couch. Then we looked inside the couch. It was a hide-a-bed. We found a toy soldier, but no glasses.
Me: You’ll probably find them in three months, in their case, right where they were supposed to be.
Mike: That’ll be difficult, I tossed the case when I got them.
Me: Oh.
He decided to look once more in his toiletries bag, just to be sure. And guess what! Not in a case, but right where they were supposed to be. Amazing.
Mike: Now you’re really coming with me. I can never find anything.
Me: Ha!
The most popular part of this suite is the billiards/ping pong table. Along with the sink full of ice and beer and the fridge overflowing with beer and the counter stacked with backups to replace the ones taken out to drink.
Another popular aspect is the window. The first thing done when we explored the rooms was to remove the safety bar that prevented the window from opening. Currently it’s the place to escape to to drink in quiet, and to smoke. The smokers are lazy. They don’t want to go all the way downstairs and across the lobby to get outside. They’d rather climb out the window and risk getting caught by the angry security guard.
They’ve been admonished several times for being out there.
Today’s Exploit:
The other day I was bored, so I went to visit with the last DD as he packed to leave. He told me he was trying to decide what to leave here so that I would fit into his suitcase. He claimed it wouldn’t be too much. (And it was more than a little tempting.)
While I was there, getting in the way and being obnoxious he discovered that a pair of glasses had been misplaced. I had once mentioned that I was the find-it person at home and in school, so he designated me search party.
We looked and looked. I opened all the drawers and cabinets and looked under tables and behind the couch. Then we looked inside the couch. It was a hide-a-bed. We found a toy soldier, but no glasses.
Me: You’ll probably find them in three months, in their case, right where they were supposed to be.
Mike: That’ll be difficult, I tossed the case when I got them.
Me: Oh.
He decided to look once more in his toiletries bag, just to be sure. And guess what! Not in a case, but right where they were supposed to be. Amazing.
Mike: Now you’re really coming with me. I can never find anything.
Me: Ha!
Wednesday, October 20
Incriminating Evidence
Somehow at this school I am popular, still.
I think I am in some alternate dimension. Not only am I still popular, I’m still being social and outgoing. I initiate conversations with strangers. I am starting to think I have some sort of alien parasite that makes me not me.
I met another group of partiers last night. They might almost (almost) replace the ones I met when I first got here. The ones that kept me out nearly every night drinking and playing Ping Pong and generally not accomplishing any studying or work related tasks.
I was also told that I’m seducing all the Texas boys here. By a guy wearing a Wyoming shirt. Go figure.
Today’s Exploit:
One of my adventures of the weekend was going to a pub with the directional drillers: one Scottish, one Arkansas redneck, and one Harley Davidson maniac. We found this place with live music; an 80s cover band. And lots of people.
When we got there, we discovered that another group from our school was there. Three from Turkmenistan, and another from Scotland. So we all sat together. And drank lots of beer and really bad mojitos. And I discovered that the guys can’t handle Pear Cider.
Elena decided that we should dance. And for as tiny as she is, she can be very convincing. So we all danced and had a good time, and made fools of ourselves.
At the end of the night Jon was approached by a guy who sat at a table near ours. The guy told him that he’d been filming us all night and was going to post the footage on youtube. He apparently thought that we’d been doing something that may be incriminating. Probably he was just jealous of how much fun we had.
Jon never go the information about where to look for the video, you know how drunk people are...no attention span. So now we are probably youtube stars, but we may never know it because we can’t find the link.
Sad.
I think I am in some alternate dimension. Not only am I still popular, I’m still being social and outgoing. I initiate conversations with strangers. I am starting to think I have some sort of alien parasite that makes me not me.
I met another group of partiers last night. They might almost (almost) replace the ones I met when I first got here. The ones that kept me out nearly every night drinking and playing Ping Pong and generally not accomplishing any studying or work related tasks.
I was also told that I’m seducing all the Texas boys here. By a guy wearing a Wyoming shirt. Go figure.
Today’s Exploit:
One of my adventures of the weekend was going to a pub with the directional drillers: one Scottish, one Arkansas redneck, and one Harley Davidson maniac. We found this place with live music; an 80s cover band. And lots of people.
When we got there, we discovered that another group from our school was there. Three from Turkmenistan, and another from Scotland. So we all sat together. And drank lots of beer and really bad mojitos. And I discovered that the guys can’t handle Pear Cider.
Elena decided that we should dance. And for as tiny as she is, she can be very convincing. So we all danced and had a good time, and made fools of ourselves.
At the end of the night Jon was approached by a guy who sat at a table near ours. The guy told him that he’d been filming us all night and was going to post the footage on youtube. He apparently thought that we’d been doing something that may be incriminating. Probably he was just jealous of how much fun we had.
Jon never go the information about where to look for the video, you know how drunk people are...no attention span. So now we are probably youtube stars, but we may never know it because we can’t find the link.
Sad.
Monday, October 18
Class Outing: Bowling
Yesterday I was by the entrance of the hotel waiting while me Directional Driller friends checked out. Their course ended on Friday. (Hopefully I can get some sleep now) So I was there to say good bye, and wish that I was finished with my course.
Another guy from another course was out there as well, smoking.
Naturally I cannot stand or sit still, so while I was waiting I was wandering back and forth, and spinning around, and practicing some dance steps.
The other guy took note, so now every time he sees me he says “Hi, Dancer!”
Yet another strange encounter.
Today’s Exploit:
The other night a large group of my classmates went bowling. Many of them had never been before. Somehow they elected me to be the coach. And they still won’t believe me when I say I have only bowled a handful of times.
The first game (?), (What is the proper term for bowling?) I won. I beat everyone. And I got a personal high score. The second game I didn’t win, but I was runner up.
Some other attendees:
Ariadna: Almost every bowl was a gutter ball. And she laughed at every one.
Rosalba: Asked me several times to bowl for her, even though she was quite good.
Alex: Very competitive and likes to talk trash. Started winning after I told him I’d win every time.
Bruno: Kept asking if we could go play Ping Pong. He doesn’t like to lose.
Mei: Every bowl skipped up to the lane, went through her goofy ritual and came back grinning and skipping, no matter if she had a gutter ball or strike.
Nicolay: Was very fast, and had either gutter balls or strikes. Nothing in between.
We had lots of fun and bowled until nearly midnight. Far too late for a school night.
Another guy from another course was out there as well, smoking.
Naturally I cannot stand or sit still, so while I was waiting I was wandering back and forth, and spinning around, and practicing some dance steps.
The other guy took note, so now every time he sees me he says “Hi, Dancer!”
Yet another strange encounter.
Today’s Exploit:
The other night a large group of my classmates went bowling. Many of them had never been before. Somehow they elected me to be the coach. And they still won’t believe me when I say I have only bowled a handful of times.
The first game (?), (What is the proper term for bowling?) I won. I beat everyone. And I got a personal high score. The second game I didn’t win, but I was runner up.
Some other attendees:
Ariadna: Almost every bowl was a gutter ball. And she laughed at every one.
Rosalba: Asked me several times to bowl for her, even though she was quite good.
Alex: Very competitive and likes to talk trash. Started winning after I told him I’d win every time.
Bruno: Kept asking if we could go play Ping Pong. He doesn’t like to lose.
Mei: Every bowl skipped up to the lane, went through her goofy ritual and came back grinning and skipping, no matter if she had a gutter ball or strike.
Nicolay: Was very fast, and had either gutter balls or strikes. Nothing in between.
We had lots of fun and bowled until nearly midnight. Far too late for a school night.
Sunday, October 17
Lazy
I have had many many adventures the past two weeks. But today is a lazy day. And I have no motivation to be creative. I’m going to go do 38.4 cartwheels around the lobby, then I’ll try again.
I'm pretty sure I looked like this 7 hours ago. And 4 hours ago. Probably 2 hours ago, as well.
 |
| Picture from here. |
Saturday, October 9
Something's Wrong
I have recently discovered cowboy boots. I always thought that they were silly, but these crazy southern people convinced me to get some. And now I am completely in love. They are so comfortable. I’m tempted to wear them every day for the rest of my life. Or until I find something more comfortable, whichever comes first. Probably I’ll sleep with them tonight. Maybe tomorrow, too.
Today’s Exploit:
Something is wrong with my classmates. Other than the fact that they are all engineers and far smarter than I. Which is tragic, because I never understand anything that they say.
It appears that I am the social person in this group of 21 people. I am the one that talks to everyone in the class. I am the one that makes friends with other classes, and invites them to join our outings. I am the one that calls everyone in the class to invite them to parties.
What is the world coming to? That I am the most outgoing person in this group?
Onward to more learning.
Until later, my friends.
Today’s Exploit:
Something is wrong with my classmates. Other than the fact that they are all engineers and far smarter than I. Which is tragic, because I never understand anything that they say.
It appears that I am the social person in this group of 21 people. I am the one that talks to everyone in the class. I am the one that makes friends with other classes, and invites them to join our outings. I am the one that calls everyone in the class to invite them to parties.
What is the world coming to? That I am the most outgoing person in this group?
Onward to more learning.
Until later, my friends.
Friday, October 8
Extra Excited!
Naps are the cure for everything. I think they should be mandatory.
The end.
Today’s Exploit:
Last night I was sitting on the floor, watching the crazy foreign guys (plus one from Missouri) play billiards. The extra crazy Scottish guy then decided to maul me:
Mike: Good Morning, Woman! What are you doing!
Me: Good Morning! Sitting.
Mike: Perrrfect!
Sits on me.
Me: Ack.
Mike: Woman! You make a comfortable chair!
Mike: Woman! Move your leg so you’re a more comfortable chair!
Mike: That’s better!
Later, when he finally decided that I was no longer a good chair:
Gets up and opens the door.
Huno: Where are you going!
(All these guys have one speaking pattern: Extra Excited.)
Mike: Out to tend my sheep!
Huno: What!
Mike: I’m going! Out to! Tend my! Sheep!
Apparently this means going to smoke. Learn something new every day, right?
The end.
Today’s Exploit:
Last night I was sitting on the floor, watching the crazy foreign guys (plus one from Missouri) play billiards. The extra crazy Scottish guy then decided to maul me:
Mike: Good Morning, Woman! What are you doing!
Me: Good Morning! Sitting.
Mike: Perrrfect!
Sits on me.
Me: Ack.
Mike: Woman! You make a comfortable chair!
Mike: Woman! Move your leg so you’re a more comfortable chair!
Mike: That’s better!
Later, when he finally decided that I was no longer a good chair:
Gets up and opens the door.
Huno: Where are you going!
(All these guys have one speaking pattern: Extra Excited.)
Mike: Out to tend my sheep!
Huno: What!
Mike: I’m going! Out to! Tend my! Sheep!
Apparently this means going to smoke. Learn something new every day, right?
Thursday, October 7
Game Room
Torture:
Lack of sleep
Computer problems
1 Exam, on the offending computer
3 PowerPoint Presentations in the dark
Today’s Exploit:
Yesterday we had a party, to celebrate everyone passing our first exam. The “organizer” bought four cases of beer and invited everyone in the class. Only 8 people came. We have 21. So we invited some other classes. They brought a case of beer each. I think we still have about half left. And the party lasted at least until 2:00 am, I’ve heard.
Not that I was there that long. I left at midnight. Because I woke up at 4:12 that morning, or the one before, whatever. I was tired. And delirious. I didn’t need beer to feel tipsy and dizzy.
We played foosball, air hockey, ping pong, pool and some wii games.
I have acquired a coach for ping pong. He says I’m improving very quickly. Probably it was because I didn’t care if I played well or not. But we won’t tell him that until I actually try to play seriously.
It is time to resume the presentations.
Good Day.
Lack of sleep
Computer problems
1 Exam, on the offending computer
3 PowerPoint Presentations in the dark
Today’s Exploit:
Yesterday we had a party, to celebrate everyone passing our first exam. The “organizer” bought four cases of beer and invited everyone in the class. Only 8 people came. We have 21. So we invited some other classes. They brought a case of beer each. I think we still have about half left. And the party lasted at least until 2:00 am, I’ve heard.
Not that I was there that long. I left at midnight. Because I woke up at 4:12 that morning, or the one before, whatever. I was tired. And delirious. I didn’t need beer to feel tipsy and dizzy.
We played foosball, air hockey, ping pong, pool and some wii games.
I have acquired a coach for ping pong. He says I’m improving very quickly. Probably it was because I didn’t care if I played well or not. But we won’t tell him that until I actually try to play seriously.
It is time to resume the presentations.
Good Day.
Wednesday, October 6
Studying Hard
I wasn't lying to my father. I was at school when I wrote that. Gosh, mom.
Today's Exploit:
School will be the death of me. I studied until 10:30 pm. then I coudn't keep my eyes open. And when I got to bed I couldn't go to sleep. Then, naturally I woke at 4:00 am. So I studied some more. I'm still not ready for this morning's exam.
Wish me luck. I'm really going to need it.
UPDATE! I got a 91% Woo hoo!
Today's Exploit:
School will be the death of me. I studied until 10:30 pm. then I coudn't keep my eyes open. And when I got to bed I couldn't go to sleep. Then, naturally I woke at 4:00 am. So I studied some more. I'm still not ready for this morning's exam.
Wish me luck. I'm really going to need it.
UPDATE! I got a 91% Woo hoo!
Tuesday, October 5
The Scottish and the Wannabe-s
I have recently become aware that I have a very short attention span. The news says that kids have a hard time focusing because they watch TV too much, and the image is always changing and shows are continually interrupted with commercials.
I would like to say that TV is the reason I have the attention span of a three year old, but I don’t watch it very often. And books don’t have built in interruptions. My only excuse is that I find my job very dull sometimes. I watch my instructor and pretend I’m attentive, but really I’m noticing the grass growing. Or the person playing on their phone, or the dust motes in the sunlight.
I think I may be in trouble. I have to take an exam tomorrow, and I have no idea what the instructor talked about today, or yesterday…
Today’s Exploit:
Last night I went to dinner with some friends from South America. We met in school. And they all came back for school again. So we went to the bar and had appetizers and alcohol.
Then they decided we needed to play ping pong. NEEDED.
So we found a room with a table, and set up the net. Then the guy from Brazil told us how to play Rotations. It is a very complex explanation for many, many one point games with constantly changing “teams”. But we eventually figured it out. And we had lots of fun, and spent much time laughing.
Then the new guys came in. They played air hockey for a while before they decided to join us, and try to learn the rules. That’s when things got interesting.
Some of them had never held a paddle before, but thought they were amazing. Some of them were very good, but very drunk and therefore thought they should make up new rules each point. So the structure of our game deteriorated quickly. But the humor greatly increased.
See, two of the new guys were from Scotland. So we didn’t understand much of what they said. A third new guy was from Colorado, but really wanted to be from Scotland, so he spoke with a Scottish accent all night. The guys from Scotland just egged him on, so most of their conversations deteriorated into incoherent yelling after 4.27 seconds. But they were having a good time making no sense.
The rest of us were completely in awe of the ridiculousness of these people, so we had to stop playing our game and just watch the madness.
I spent the next three hours laughing. And watching the new guys play what appeared to be a charade of ping pong. And every 5.8 seconds I’d climb off my chair and retrieve the ball for them, before they had a chance to knock me down by crawling under it. I wouldn’t put something like that past any of them.
PS Dad: I am supposed to be studying right now, so you’ll have to find your own dinner ideas.
I would like to say that TV is the reason I have the attention span of a three year old, but I don’t watch it very often. And books don’t have built in interruptions. My only excuse is that I find my job very dull sometimes. I watch my instructor and pretend I’m attentive, but really I’m noticing the grass growing. Or the person playing on their phone, or the dust motes in the sunlight.
I think I may be in trouble. I have to take an exam tomorrow, and I have no idea what the instructor talked about today, or yesterday…
Today’s Exploit:
Last night I went to dinner with some friends from South America. We met in school. And they all came back for school again. So we went to the bar and had appetizers and alcohol.
Then they decided we needed to play ping pong. NEEDED.
So we found a room with a table, and set up the net. Then the guy from Brazil told us how to play Rotations. It is a very complex explanation for many, many one point games with constantly changing “teams”. But we eventually figured it out. And we had lots of fun, and spent much time laughing.
Then the new guys came in. They played air hockey for a while before they decided to join us, and try to learn the rules. That’s when things got interesting.
Some of them had never held a paddle before, but thought they were amazing. Some of them were very good, but very drunk and therefore thought they should make up new rules each point. So the structure of our game deteriorated quickly. But the humor greatly increased.
See, two of the new guys were from Scotland. So we didn’t understand much of what they said. A third new guy was from Colorado, but really wanted to be from Scotland, so he spoke with a Scottish accent all night. The guys from Scotland just egged him on, so most of their conversations deteriorated into incoherent yelling after 4.27 seconds. But they were having a good time making no sense.
The rest of us were completely in awe of the ridiculousness of these people, so we had to stop playing our game and just watch the madness.
I spent the next three hours laughing. And watching the new guys play what appeared to be a charade of ping pong. And every 5.8 seconds I’d climb off my chair and retrieve the ball for them, before they had a chance to knock me down by crawling under it. I wouldn’t put something like that past any of them.
PS Dad: I am supposed to be studying right now, so you’ll have to find your own dinner ideas.
Sunday, October 3
Driver Training Facility
Today’s inspired Haiku. The inspiration was a stalled car. Hers.
my car will not start
he’s being a big bitch
i want some french fries.
-Cupcake
Today’s Exploit:
Yesterday.
Yesterday was long.
It was one of THOSE days. The ones where you really want to strangle the stupid driver training guy. But end up screaming in your car and crying to the first person who’s sympathetic.
Yep. It was fun.
The scenario:
Have an expired drivers’ license, and only one day (2 hours) home to renew it
Be exhausted from working all night rigging equipment down and packing it into a box that is 4.62 inches too small.
Drive all day so that you can sleep in your OWN bed, arrive at your flat at 3:30 pm.
Call the driver training facility for their hours.
Call the Red Wing shoe store for their hours; you need new ones since you lost one of your other pair.
Arrange a dance lesson for 5:00 pm.
Get the mail.
Pay your rent. (tomorrow morning you’ll realize that you need to pay two months’ rent because school will last through the next due date)
Ask for a package that they didn’t notify you about. (They assume the slip saying to go to the Post Office is the notification. )
Be frustrated because you think it’s Saturday and the Post Office is already closed for the week. Also note that the piece of mail you are to pick up is certified and will be sent back after 15 days. Resolve to call the sending party.
Decide that the driver training facility to renew your driver’s license. (lose the last remaining tie to being anything other than an “Oklahoman”. This in itself is enough to make you cry.)
Drive to the facility. (This is much more difficult than it sounds. It entails driving through city traffic, aka rush hour. Then Timmy, the GPS, tells you to go the wrong way. Then you drive around a block 4.72 times because the building has no sign. Also, reaffirm that people from Oklahoma really don’t know how to drive. Or if they do they’re just jerks. Stop and talk to the guy at the cell phone place for directions. Drive around the block again looking for the cop cars now that you know it’s an HP office, as well.)
When you arrive there will be a line of 15 year olds toting all 36 members of their extended family, plus their older brother’s girlfriend’s family, extending out the door and around the corner. (Probably there were only 3 or 4 teenagers, but a total of 150 people were there)
Stand in line for 28 minutes before the driver training guy asks what you are there for:
Guy: What do you need?
Me: I need to renew my license.
Guy: Just renewed?
Me: My current one is from out of state, and it’s expired.
Guy: Out of state, really?
Me: Yes.
Guy: Let me see it.
Me: Show it.
Guy: Yep, it’s expired*. You’ll have to come back Monday to take the written test, and a driving test. We’re not accepting any more numbers tonight. Also you need your birth certificate or a Passport.
(They’re open for another half hour)
Me: I have to do both?
Guy: Yep try coming back Monday after 7:00.
*Thanks buddy, I wasn’t entirely sure about that.
So, you leave, get in y car, buckle my seat belt and scream. Then drive away from the driver training facility/Highway Patrol office knowing that they know that you know that your license has expired.
Call your mother to yell about it some more, but she’s probably not the best choice because she’s way too sympathetic. Instead of screaming you end up crying, while driving in rush hour traffic, in this stupid city, with an expired license. I hate crying.
Now be worried that you’ll miss your dance lesson because the traffic is so dumb.
The day did have a few small redeeming factors.
1. I got a birthday card from my sister.
2. I got a box of MRE pairs from my sister.
3. I got my ‘real’ birthday gift from my parents.
4. Shawn made me laugh at dance.
5. I got to sleep in my bed, the new one.
The end.
PS Dad: No inspiration today, sorry.
my car will not start
he’s being a big bitch
i want some french fries.
-Cupcake
Today’s Exploit:
Yesterday.
Yesterday was long.
It was one of THOSE days. The ones where you really want to strangle the stupid driver training guy. But end up screaming in your car and crying to the first person who’s sympathetic.
Yep. It was fun.
The scenario:
Have an expired drivers’ license, and only one day (2 hours) home to renew it
Be exhausted from working all night rigging equipment down and packing it into a box that is 4.62 inches too small.
Drive all day so that you can sleep in your OWN bed, arrive at your flat at 3:30 pm.
Call the driver training facility for their hours.
Call the Red Wing shoe store for their hours; you need new ones since you lost one of your other pair.
Arrange a dance lesson for 5:00 pm.
Get the mail.
Pay your rent. (tomorrow morning you’ll realize that you need to pay two months’ rent because school will last through the next due date)
Ask for a package that they didn’t notify you about. (They assume the slip saying to go to the Post Office is the notification. )
Be frustrated because you think it’s Saturday and the Post Office is already closed for the week. Also note that the piece of mail you are to pick up is certified and will be sent back after 15 days. Resolve to call the sending party.
Decide that the driver training facility to renew your driver’s license. (lose the last remaining tie to being anything other than an “Oklahoman”. This in itself is enough to make you cry.)
Drive to the facility. (This is much more difficult than it sounds. It entails driving through city traffic, aka rush hour. Then Timmy, the GPS, tells you to go the wrong way. Then you drive around a block 4.72 times because the building has no sign. Also, reaffirm that people from Oklahoma really don’t know how to drive. Or if they do they’re just jerks. Stop and talk to the guy at the cell phone place for directions. Drive around the block again looking for the cop cars now that you know it’s an HP office, as well.)
When you arrive there will be a line of 15 year olds toting all 36 members of their extended family, plus their older brother’s girlfriend’s family, extending out the door and around the corner. (Probably there were only 3 or 4 teenagers, but a total of 150 people were there)
Stand in line for 28 minutes before the driver training guy asks what you are there for:
Guy: What do you need?
Me: I need to renew my license.
Guy: Just renewed?
Me: My current one is from out of state, and it’s expired.
Guy: Out of state, really?
Me: Yes.
Guy: Let me see it.
Me: Show it.
Guy: Yep, it’s expired*. You’ll have to come back Monday to take the written test, and a driving test. We’re not accepting any more numbers tonight. Also you need your birth certificate or a Passport.
(They’re open for another half hour)
Me: I have to do both?
Guy: Yep try coming back Monday after 7:00.
*Thanks buddy, I wasn’t entirely sure about that.
So, you leave, get in y car, buckle my seat belt and scream. Then drive away from the driver training facility/Highway Patrol office knowing that they know that you know that your license has expired.
Call your mother to yell about it some more, but she’s probably not the best choice because she’s way too sympathetic. Instead of screaming you end up crying, while driving in rush hour traffic, in this stupid city, with an expired license. I hate crying.
Now be worried that you’ll miss your dance lesson because the traffic is so dumb.
The day did have a few small redeeming factors.
1. I got a birthday card from my sister.
2. I got a box of MRE pairs from my sister.
3. I got my ‘real’ birthday gift from my parents.
4. Shawn made me laugh at dance.
5. I got to sleep in my bed, the new one.
The end.
PS Dad: No inspiration today, sorry.
Friday, October 1
Donut: an Epic Journey
Tad the Driller: Hey you guys, we should have PJ come up here more often. I’ve never seen you work this hard!
Byrd the Hand: I quit smoking in January. I traded my cigarettes for Twinkies.
Today’s Exploit:
Today I took some donuts to the guys working on the rig. They were pretty ecstatic. The first thing they did was tell the guy working in the derrick. (He’s 90 feet above the rig floor, so they only let him come down once in a while.)
He really likes donuts; they were doing their best to torture and provoke him. Then they decided they’d be nice and send one up to him. So they tied a string through it, pendulum style. Then they tied it to the handle of the elevators (the clasp that hooks around pipe to move it up and down above the rig floor).
Naturally the wind was blowing. The donut was banged against the pipe a few times on the way up, collecting spots of mud and anything else coming out of the well.
Hammer the Driller: Sorry Stephen, we tried.
Stephen: That’s okay, I’ll still eat it.
Hammer the Driller: I bet you won’t!
Stephen: I will! I’ll have it eaten by the time I rack that stand back!
By the time the donut got to him it nearly looked like a chocolate covered one, rather than the plain we sent. But, true to his word, he grabbed it and shoved the whole thing in his mouth before setting the pipe in the stand.
Everyone on the floor was looking up, to see what his reaction would be. They found him quite entertaining.
PS Dad: Today you should make leftovers!
Byrd the Hand: I quit smoking in January. I traded my cigarettes for Twinkies.
Today’s Exploit:
Today I took some donuts to the guys working on the rig. They were pretty ecstatic. The first thing they did was tell the guy working in the derrick. (He’s 90 feet above the rig floor, so they only let him come down once in a while.)
He really likes donuts; they were doing their best to torture and provoke him. Then they decided they’d be nice and send one up to him. So they tied a string through it, pendulum style. Then they tied it to the handle of the elevators (the clasp that hooks around pipe to move it up and down above the rig floor).
Naturally the wind was blowing. The donut was banged against the pipe a few times on the way up, collecting spots of mud and anything else coming out of the well.
Hammer the Driller: Sorry Stephen, we tried.
Stephen: That’s okay, I’ll still eat it.
Hammer the Driller: I bet you won’t!
Stephen: I will! I’ll have it eaten by the time I rack that stand back!
By the time the donut got to him it nearly looked like a chocolate covered one, rather than the plain we sent. But, true to his word, he grabbed it and shoved the whole thing in his mouth before setting the pipe in the stand.
Everyone on the floor was looking up, to see what his reaction would be. They found him quite entertaining.
PS Dad: Today you should make leftovers!
Thursday, September 30
Beer Run
“So. The moral of this story is: if ever you find yourself in Stratford-upon-Avon, never, Never go to the Dirty Duck!” -Cupcake
Today’s Exploit:
Last night I finally screwed up the courage to visit the roughnecks. In other words, harass them and get in their way and generally be a nuisance. They asked me about how far I run in the mornings and told me how they needed to start getting into shape. They tell me they’re watching their figures.
So as generous as I am, I offered to let them run with me. Of course they laughed at me. This one told me that that one wouldn’t make it to the tower (35 meters). That one told me that this one wouldn’t make it to his truck unless something deadly was chasing him.
Then one of them came up with a clever idea. He told me I should get a beer. Then I should show it to the roughneck Chad. When I had his attention I could start running. Making sure I held the beer where he could see it, he’d probably follow me anywhere.
The only problem I saw with this idea is that Chad is probably 6.5 feet tall. And he’s about 3 feet wide. Meaning he’s built like a horse. Or two. Therefore he could probably catch me in 2.53 steps, if he felt like it. And he could probably pick me up with his little finger. Then where would I be?
I’d be stuck for sure.
In other news, today’s lucky numbers are: 8, 32, 47, 9, 12 and 6.
Today’s Exploit:
Last night I finally screwed up the courage to visit the roughnecks. In other words, harass them and get in their way and generally be a nuisance. They asked me about how far I run in the mornings and told me how they needed to start getting into shape. They tell me they’re watching their figures.
So as generous as I am, I offered to let them run with me. Of course they laughed at me. This one told me that that one wouldn’t make it to the tower (35 meters). That one told me that this one wouldn’t make it to his truck unless something deadly was chasing him.
Then one of them came up with a clever idea. He told me I should get a beer. Then I should show it to the roughneck Chad. When I had his attention I could start running. Making sure I held the beer where he could see it, he’d probably follow me anywhere.
The only problem I saw with this idea is that Chad is probably 6.5 feet tall. And he’s about 3 feet wide. Meaning he’s built like a horse. Or two. Therefore he could probably catch me in 2.53 steps, if he felt like it. And he could probably pick me up with his little finger. Then where would I be?
I’d be stuck for sure.
In other news, today’s lucky numbers are: 8, 32, 47, 9, 12 and 6.
Wednesday, September 29
And the Next Day
An inspired Haiku from my sister. I'm hanging it on my virtual fridge:
haiku for you:
you know what i want?i want a cinnamon roll.
you're sch a weirdo.
the end.
Today’s Exploit:
After I graduated, and after I played with fire for a while and when I still didn’t like engineering, I went to the family cabin. I stayed there a week. Alone. With the clouds. I’m pretty sure 98.6% of my family thought I was crazy. But, then I already knew that.
I read books and baked muffins and went hiking. But only because there was no snow and I couldn’t ski. And I chopped wood. A lot of wood. With a little axe. It was a lot of work. But I did some every day. I was very proud of myself. And Eric was jealous because he couldn’t chop the pieces when he’d tried. Rawr!
 |
| This is what I looked like, except without the do-rag, or the curl. And probably I wore an orange vest and had blonde hair. But other than that it’s exactly what I looked like. |
 |
| Except the aspen leaves kept falling and attacking me. |
 |
| …And they all three stood, ready to fight the evil emperor with only sticks to shield themselves… |
We had heaps and heaps of snow. I bet you can’t imagine what happened the next day…
 |
| Ok, ok. So it wasn’t the next DAY. It was a little longer than that. |
The End.
PS Dad: Today you should make Italian Wedding Soup!
Tuesday, September 28
Alligator Wrestling
The Underpants of Optimism are slowly making their way down my knees, shortly to arrive at their scheduled destination of my ankles. That is to say, my Balloon of Hope has a slow puncture. –Molly Malone of “Cynicism isn’t an Option… It’s a Lifestyle”
Today’s Exploit:
I made a friend on my last rig, and we sometimes talk. He is kinda crazy and we have some strange conversations, to say the least. Here is an example of some of the things we talk about:
Joseph: So, do alligators swim up to the rig?
Me: I haven’t seen any, yet. I don’t think I want to.
Joseph: Yeh I’d scream
Joseph: Hahahha. Either they’d b skerd of you or wanna date you.
We also argue about things like cartoons and children’s books. Or whose night is more boring. I always win because I have to fight with computers, all alone, by myself. He also thinks it’s funny to claim he’s going to send nude photos of himself, because he knows it embarrasses me. So then I want to strangle him for a while, until he gets another of my jokes. Then we can be friends again.
PS Dad: Tonight I’m going to make you research your own recipes, since you don’t bother with my research. I worked hard to find the perfect ones for you!
Today’s Exploit:
I made a friend on my last rig, and we sometimes talk. He is kinda crazy and we have some strange conversations, to say the least. Here is an example of some of the things we talk about:
Joseph: So, do alligators swim up to the rig?
Me: I haven’t seen any, yet. I don’t think I want to.
 |
| This is probably what it would look like. Maybe more violent. |
Me: I‘d have to wrestle it, and I’d probably win. Then all the guys here would be intimidated and I‘d have an even harder time making friends.
 |
| See? I can beat the snot out of those crazy gators. |
Me: Um…
Joseph: They’d want you to have their baby!
Me: Oh dear.
Joseph: Bah hahahahaha
Me: Evil.
Joseph: All love sista.
Me: Mmmmhmmm. Somehow I’m not seeing it.
Joseph: Aww you should feel it then.
Me: Mmmmmmm. Nope.
PS Dad: Tonight I’m going to make you research your own recipes, since you don’t bother with my research. I worked hard to find the perfect ones for you!
Monday, September 27
So Not Helpful
Spin your body around
Now your feet are gonna hit the ground
I am going sleepless and you're out of lullaby
-The Hush Sound
Today’s Exploit:
I have been getting ready for my next class for this job. They give me lists of things I must accomplish before I am allowed to attend. One of my tasks for this class is to update my radiation certification. I’ve been having some trouble finding the test and video to get it updated. So I sent a message to one of the certification guys to ask for help:
His reply:
I am a bit excited after this email because it sounds like this guy knows what he’s talking about.
I’m pretty sure I said I looked in Quest. Let me check again…Nope still not there. By now I’m more than a little frustrated. This dude is not actually reading what I wrote, is he? I thought not. So to clarify myself I wrote another note and sent some pictures of what I am seeing.
PS Dad: Today you should make Enchilada Pie. Mom has the recipe.
Now your feet are gonna hit the ground
I am going sleepless and you're out of lullaby
-The Hush Sound
Today’s Exploit:
I have been getting ready for my next class for this job. They give me lists of things I must accomplish before I am allowed to attend. One of my tasks for this class is to update my radiation certification. I’ve been having some trouble finding the test and video to get it updated. So I sent a message to one of the certification guys to ask for help:
Dear Mr. Lichtenheimer*, My Radiation certification has expired, and I was wondering if I can update it online while at the rig. I looked through iLearn, and found a reference to a video, but could not find a link. Also is there a test I have to take to renew the certification?*name changed to protect the guilty
Thanks,
PJ Darling
His reply:
PJ,
Unless you are handling radioactive sources this portion of the DM QHSE is not required, when the time comes for you to be active in this role you FSM will arrange the survey meter assessment, this will probably be done in NGC.
The Radiation has 4 parts to it. “
Bla bla, explain explain…
“Radiation Basic ~ DONE School/or renewed online you have this portion done (This is what I need!)
Let me know if you have any other questions, the IT RTR is RealTime Remote operations and is an online test with nothing to do with radiation.
Mr. Lichtenheimer
I am a bit excited after this email because it sounds like this guy knows what he’s talking about.
Mr. Lichtenheimer,So he helpfully replies:
I am trying to get my sign off sheet for Scope School and updating my L2C2 certification is one of the requirements.
I have looked in iLearn and QUEST, and found DM OJT 410. When I enrolled in it I just got a page saying the enrollment was confirmed. I can find no attachment to get to the video to review, or to the test to take.
Would you direct me to the correct path to view the video and take the test please?
Thanks,
PJ Darling
PJ,
This one is done in Quest, it is the radiation test and cert you do 1 time a year. If you have this done in Quest send me a print screen of your Quest Certifications and I will update manually.
Mr. Lichtenheimer
I’m pretty sure I said I looked in Quest. Let me check again…Nope still not there. By now I’m more than a little frustrated. This dude is not actually reading what I wrote, is he? I thought not. So to clarify myself I wrote another note and sent some pictures of what I am seeing.
Mr. LichtenheimerHe hasn’t answered yet. So not helpful. I’m getting short on time here.
I can’t find a link that allows me to watch the video, or a link that allows me to take a test. I don’t have the option to take a test, and when I click the certification name I get a list of content, but no links. I took print screens of these pages and attached them.
Please let me know what I need to do to get this updated.
Cheers,
PJ Darling
PS Dad: Today you should make Enchilada Pie. Mom has the recipe.
Sunday, September 26
Short Attention Span
It would be the day that I decide to start eating healthy that they decide to feed me hamburgers with bacon and guacamole and rice with sausage and cornbread. Thanks for the help, guys.
Today’s Exploit:
I have discovered an artsy store sorta like Hobby Lobby. The lady who told me about it said it was like Hobby Lobby times ten! Then later it was like Hobby Lobby on crack. Needless to say it’s a warehouse that feels the size of the Mall of America when you go inside.
Inside I found everything from luggage to medical scrubs to tableware to books and everything in between. It’s very overwhelming. Especially for a non-shopper. There’s stuff everywhere (sorry Mr. P, I couldn’t help myself) and the place is ginormous.
I went looking for a cheap desk that I could fix to match my flat. And I was able to find the stools I have been lusting after, almost, mostly, they work.
And some glass jars for my baking collection. And some glasses for my glass cabinet.
So I decided to rearrange my entire flat. Probably not something I should embark on the night (7pm) before going to work early (6am).
First I decided to rearrange my kitchen so that my baking stuff is where I actually bake. So I moved some bowls and plates.
Then I remembered that I’d wanted to vacuum before I left. After vacuuming I remembered that I had to wash some dishes. After getting the dishes washed and stacked by their new cupboard I took the trash out. On the way back in I was sidetracked into moving my futon. I folded a stray blanket and returned it to my bedroom, where I moved the bookshelves.
PS Dad: Today you should make Chicken Pot Pie.
Today’s Exploit:
I have discovered an artsy store sorta like Hobby Lobby. The lady who told me about it said it was like Hobby Lobby times ten! Then later it was like Hobby Lobby on crack. Needless to say it’s a warehouse that feels the size of the Mall of America when you go inside.
Inside I found everything from luggage to medical scrubs to tableware to books and everything in between. It’s very overwhelming. Especially for a non-shopper. There’s stuff everywhere (sorry Mr. P, I couldn’t help myself) and the place is ginormous.
I went looking for a cheap desk that I could fix to match my flat. And I was able to find the stools I have been lusting after, almost, mostly, they work.
So I decided to rearrange my entire flat. Probably not something I should embark on the night (7pm) before going to work early (6am).
First I decided to rearrange my kitchen so that my baking stuff is where I actually bake. So I moved some bowls and plates.
I remembered I’d wanted to put my old trunk in my bedroom, so I went to the living room. There I discovered that I could not get to the trunk without first moving my club chair. At this point I remembered I was rearranging the kitchen. I moved some spices and all my glass jars to my bar. I then realized that I had new jars to fill, but first they needed cleaned and the stickers removed. I decided to do the same with my new glasses while I was at it
While they were soaking I put old glasses in packing paper to put away. I was on the floor rolling them up when I noticed my new apron. I’d gotten a new set of hooks to hang my growing collection on, so I got out my tape measure and my itty bitty level.
Next I went back to the jars and glasses. I found the one for my cupcake wrappers. So of course I had to open all the packages and arrange them nicely in the jar. Everyone should have a special jar for cupcake wrappers. All the cool kids are doing it.
Eventually I was able to get myself back on track and all three rooms were finished at the same time. Unfortunately it took me most of the night, before a job, to get it done. I’m pleased with the results, I think. Let me check the photos so that I can remember what it looks like.
PS Dad: Today you should make Chicken Pot Pie.
Saturday, September 25
Un-photogenic
Today a piece of equipment in the well died. Fail. Gone. That piece of equipment was the tool that allows me to do my job. Now I have even less to do. Not that it helps anyone. I still have writer’s block. And I’m being reclusive so I have no one to entertain me. Sorry.
Today’s Exploit:
But then I end up with photos like this:
Or this:
Sometimes she can’t aim so we get this:
But every once in a while she’ll distract me sufficiently that she’ll get one that I look somewhat normal in. At least as normal as I can be when I’m around her:
PS Dad: Today you should make Hamburgers. No link, okay?
Thursday, September 23
No More Rain.
The first matter of importance today is that my toe hurts. Really bad. Almost going numb bad. And I can’t figure out why. It’s very frustrating.
The second is that my computer needs cleaned. The keys are getting…dusty. Yeah. They’re compiling a lot of dust
Today’s Exploit:
It rained today. I woke up to wind rattling the trailer, and lots of rain, and what could have been thunder (or maybe the forklift dropping some pipe racks). The wind was strong enough that it tore the TV dish off the trailer. The DD panicked a little until the repair guy came, he couldn’t watch his fishing shows.
I panicked too, but it was because last time I was in this crazy state it was under 28.2 inches of water. And I saw on the news that Corpus Christi, TX has LOTS of water. And I talked to my friend there and he said the last rig I was on is under water right now.
Starla, my car, doesn’t like swimming. She doesn’t even like wading. Every time I drive in heavy rain she protests and makes me get new belts. Or she throws a windshield wiper off so that I can’t see.
I don’t want more rain! Hear me? Stop raining until I can go home. Or at least to Oklahoma City. Then I can have a nice bed. And a nice kitchen, that’s fully stocked. And clean.
Although this one is now somewhat clean. I decided today that I’d had enough and cleaned the dishes, and washed the counters and cleaned out the silverware holder. Then I bleached everything. Now I can touch the counter without cringing and running to wash my hands.
PS Dad: Today you should make Tomato Basil Bruschetta.
The second is that my computer needs cleaned. The keys are getting…dusty. Yeah. They’re compiling a lot of dust
Today’s Exploit:
It rained today. I woke up to wind rattling the trailer, and lots of rain, and what could have been thunder (or maybe the forklift dropping some pipe racks). The wind was strong enough that it tore the TV dish off the trailer. The DD panicked a little until the repair guy came, he couldn’t watch his fishing shows.
I panicked too, but it was because last time I was in this crazy state it was under 28.2 inches of water. And I saw on the news that Corpus Christi, TX has LOTS of water. And I talked to my friend there and he said the last rig I was on is under water right now.
Starla, my car, doesn’t like swimming. She doesn’t even like wading. Every time I drive in heavy rain she protests and makes me get new belts. Or she throws a windshield wiper off so that I can’t see.
I don’t want more rain! Hear me? Stop raining until I can go home. Or at least to Oklahoma City. Then I can have a nice bed. And a nice kitchen, that’s fully stocked. And clean.
Although this one is now somewhat clean. I decided today that I’d had enough and cleaned the dishes, and washed the counters and cleaned out the silverware holder. Then I bleached everything. Now I can touch the counter without cringing and running to wash my hands.
PS Dad: Today you should make Tomato Basil Bruschetta.
Wednesday, September 22
Penguin Trainer
I am fascinated with my heart rate right now. I check it about 56.3 times a minute. I check it when I do laundry, when I do dishes, while I’m reading, and as I walk across the room. It is amazing how quickly it changes and the amount it changes. I’ll probably be wearing my monitor continually for the next 2.31 weeks. At least.
Today’s Exploit:
So today I was pondering the fact that I don’t much like my job this week. It’s been very boring. I’ve spent more time reading, watching movies, and playing with my phone than actually working. I even was reduced to STUDYING for entertainment. I took tests for FUN. Eek!
I also was reminded how office people are lacking in common sense. I don’t want that to happen to me. So I don’t want an office job.
The first idea I came up with was the zoo. I wouldn’t be in the office, I’d get to learn about all the animals, and it sounds fun.
Then I contemplated the circus. It’s big, it’s shiny, it probably only has an office for the ring master.
Ooh, ooh, ooh, then I decided I want to fly a helicopter. That would be AMAZING! I could go anywhere and see all sorts of amazing things. I disregarded the fact that I wasn’t particularly happy the last time I was in one. How they jump around and drop suddenly, worse than rollercoasters (which I HATE).
But then I remembered that I’d probably have to talk to people. Over the radio. And I don’t like talking to people. And I don’t like talking over the radio at all. And I’m not sure if they’d let me drive a helicopter because I wear glasses, or contacts. Depends on how I feel that day.
So I decided to go with the zoo. But then I remembered all the people that go to the zoo. And I hate crowds. I almost had a panic attack in a room with 7 other people. So I amended that to working at the zoo, where the only people I have to talk to are the penguins.
I suppose the circus could still be an option, but I’d probably have to be the elephant trainer and work from backstage.
PS Dad: Today you should make Chicken Alfredo! Yum!
Today’s Exploit:
So today I was pondering the fact that I don’t much like my job this week. It’s been very boring. I’ve spent more time reading, watching movies, and playing with my phone than actually working. I even was reduced to STUDYING for entertainment. I took tests for FUN. Eek!
I also was reminded how office people are lacking in common sense. I don’t want that to happen to me. So I don’t want an office job.
The first idea I came up with was the zoo. I wouldn’t be in the office, I’d get to learn about all the animals, and it sounds fun.
Then I contemplated the circus. It’s big, it’s shiny, it probably only has an office for the ring master.
Ooh, ooh, ooh, then I decided I want to fly a helicopter. That would be AMAZING! I could go anywhere and see all sorts of amazing things. I disregarded the fact that I wasn’t particularly happy the last time I was in one. How they jump around and drop suddenly, worse than rollercoasters (which I HATE).
But then I remembered that I’d probably have to talk to people. Over the radio. And I don’t like talking to people. And I don’t like talking over the radio at all. And I’m not sure if they’d let me drive a helicopter because I wear glasses, or contacts. Depends on how I feel that day.
So I decided to go with the zoo. But then I remembered all the people that go to the zoo. And I hate crowds. I almost had a panic attack in a room with 7 other people. So I amended that to working at the zoo, where the only people I have to talk to are the penguins.
I suppose the circus could still be an option, but I’d probably have to be the elephant trainer and work from backstage.
PS Dad: Today you should make Chicken Alfredo! Yum!
Tuesday, September 21
Crazy License
Today I got a heart rate monitor. I had to wear it 3.86 hours before it stopped feeling like it was pinching me. And my heart rate is much higher than I expected. Unless I concentrate really hard on breathing slowly and relaxing. Then it’s about what I thought I’d see. It is also water resistant up to 50 meters. I may have to go swimming to check it out. Remind me to do that next time I go to Corpus Christi.
Today’s Exploit:
My sister brings out the crazy in people. She still doesn’t understand why people tell her they’re only this crazy when they’re around her. But my mom figured it out. Cupcake is so crazy that no matter how strange her friends are, they still look pretty normal when they’re with her. Being with her is a license to act like a goof, and not be judged. Because everyone is busy judging her. Good thing she doesn’t care.
Case in point: She made me wear false eyelashes. And take “Barbie Pictures”. And I was okay with that since she was the wacko dancing around the kitchen and making kissy faces and showing them off. Since we had the eyelashes, and she’d just heard Axel F on Monsters vs. Aliens she decided we had to have a dance party. I’m pretty sure most of the city could hear the music, and are thoroughly of that song.
This turned into a photo shoot because I took a few pictures of her dancing. She reviewed them.
Cupcake: Whoa! They make my bum look small! Take another to show that it isn’t!
Me: Ok. Click
Cupcake: There’s something wrong with your camera. All cameras make my bum look big!
Today’s Exploit:
My sister brings out the crazy in people. She still doesn’t understand why people tell her they’re only this crazy when they’re around her. But my mom figured it out. Cupcake is so crazy that no matter how strange her friends are, they still look pretty normal when they’re with her. Being with her is a license to act like a goof, and not be judged. Because everyone is busy judging her. Good thing she doesn’t care.
Case in point: She made me wear false eyelashes. And take “Barbie Pictures”. And I was okay with that since she was the wacko dancing around the kitchen and making kissy faces and showing them off. Since we had the eyelashes, and she’d just heard Axel F on Monsters vs. Aliens she decided we had to have a dance party. I’m pretty sure most of the city could hear the music, and are thoroughly of that song.
This turned into a photo shoot because I took a few pictures of her dancing. She reviewed them.
Cupcake: Whoa! They make my bum look small! Take another to show that it isn’t!
Me: Ok. Click
Cupcake: Man! That one did too! Ok, try again.
Me: Click
Cupcake: There’s something wrong with your camera. All cameras make my bum look big!
PS Dad: Tonight you should make Italian Breaded Baked Parmesan Pork Chops
Monday, September 20
Panic Attack
All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific. ~Jane Wagner, The Search For Intelligent Life In The Universe, performed by Lily Tomlin
Today’s Exploit:
I was sitting at my computer studying for my upcoming class when the directional driller called me.
DD: Hey! We have a cheeseburger up here with your name on it!
Me: Ok. (Translation: not interested)
DD: We also have some pipe tally.
Me: Alright, I’ll be up in a couple minutes.
Going to the rig floor usually qualifies as an adventure for me. Unless I am rigging up and have already made the trip 72 times. So I was expecting a fun little outing away from my trailer. I hardly even go outside since the office is in the trailer this time.
So I got my hardhat and my boots on and grabbed a piece of paper and a pencil. And I carted myself across location and up the stairs.
I opened the door to a full house. Everyone awake was up there. I think that equated to 32 ½ people. And the doghouse is not very big.
I made a beeline for the DD and the pipe tally with major tunnel vision. I jotted down the numbers as fast as I could, took the fast food bag they offered almost without noticing and raced out. That was way too many people that I didn’t know. I’m pretty sure I nearly had a panic attack.
I went up expecting the driller, the DD and maybe a floor hand. That would be only one person that I hadn’t talked to before.
I vaguely remember them teasing me about visiting sometime. And it’s rather humorous that I skedaddled as fast as I could after that. I’d forgotten how horrifying crowds are. I was doing so well, not being shy and reclusive. Until today.
PS Dad: Tonight you should make Individual Meatloaves.
Today’s Exploit:
I was sitting at my computer studying for my upcoming class when the directional driller called me.
DD: Hey! We have a cheeseburger up here with your name on it!
Me: Ok. (Translation: not interested)
DD: We also have some pipe tally.
Me: Alright, I’ll be up in a couple minutes.
Going to the rig floor usually qualifies as an adventure for me. Unless I am rigging up and have already made the trip 72 times. So I was expecting a fun little outing away from my trailer. I hardly even go outside since the office is in the trailer this time.
So I got my hardhat and my boots on and grabbed a piece of paper and a pencil. And I carted myself across location and up the stairs.
I opened the door to a full house. Everyone awake was up there. I think that equated to 32 ½ people. And the doghouse is not very big.
I made a beeline for the DD and the pipe tally with major tunnel vision. I jotted down the numbers as fast as I could, took the fast food bag they offered almost without noticing and raced out. That was way too many people that I didn’t know. I’m pretty sure I nearly had a panic attack.
I went up expecting the driller, the DD and maybe a floor hand. That would be only one person that I hadn’t talked to before.
I vaguely remember them teasing me about visiting sometime. And it’s rather humorous that I skedaddled as fast as I could after that. I’d forgotten how horrifying crowds are. I was doing so well, not being shy and reclusive. Until today.
PS Dad: Tonight you should make Individual Meatloaves.
Sunday, September 19
Complaining
Today I got the bestest birthday surprise ever! The two amazing little big boys that I used to watch called me. One had a dream about me, so they decided to call.
Me: Hello?
Eli: Hi PJ, it’s Eli. I had a dream about you and I want you to come visit!
The rest of the conversation consisted of me trying painfully to come up with questions and both Eli and Cavan answering monosyllabically. Until the end, when they knew they’d have to hang up.
Eli: I know how to read! And we have a lot of trails around our house and I got a new bike!
Cavan: PJ! I can jump up and down on one foot!
Yep, best birthday surprise ever!
Today’s Exploit:
So, Bob the Company Man. He’s a little crazy. I think his favorite thing to do is complain.
The first time I talked to him was when he complained about the position of our tool on the ground. It was a tripping hazard, and someone was going to get hurt.
He was walking around the rig in high -water coveralls, tennis shoes and no hard hat…
The next time was to hear about how our surveys were not good. We had magnetic interference and we were sending them out anyway! (This is not a big issue at all) He called three times asking about it. And he wanted me to wake the other MWD.
During this time he also complained to the DD multiple times asking him to wake the other DD.
Then he came to the trailer and complained again! Finally the DD woke up the other DD to tell him that the surveys we have are okay. I think he was offended that the day DD didn’t agree with him, so he sat and watched over my shoulder for the next 20.8 minutes.
Tonight I’ve gotten 3.7 calls from him reminding me to check the most menial tasks, the first I learned to do. It plays the ice cream truck song every time he calls, and then instead of thinking about work I’m wishing I had some ice cream. Probably coffee ice cream with toffee pieces. And that leads to thinking about making toffee, how it hasn’t worked properly in my attempts so far. And that leads to contemplating Grammas Buttercream Frosting. And I’m going to try to make it even though I detest buttercream frosting.
Buttercream frosting makes me think about birthday cake, and birthday cake makes me think about two boys that called me this morning. And then I smile.
Maybe Bob the Company Man should call more often.
PS Dad: Today you should make Caramelized Chipotle Chicken
Me: Hello?
Eli: Hi PJ, it’s Eli. I had a dream about you and I want you to come visit!
The rest of the conversation consisted of me trying painfully to come up with questions and both Eli and Cavan answering monosyllabically. Until the end, when they knew they’d have to hang up.
Eli: I know how to read! And we have a lot of trails around our house and I got a new bike!
Cavan: PJ! I can jump up and down on one foot!
Yep, best birthday surprise ever!
Today’s Exploit:
So, Bob the Company Man. He’s a little crazy. I think his favorite thing to do is complain.
The first time I talked to him was when he complained about the position of our tool on the ground. It was a tripping hazard, and someone was going to get hurt.
He was walking around the rig in high -water coveralls, tennis shoes and no hard hat…
The next time was to hear about how our surveys were not good. We had magnetic interference and we were sending them out anyway! (This is not a big issue at all) He called three times asking about it. And he wanted me to wake the other MWD.
During this time he also complained to the DD multiple times asking him to wake the other DD.
Then he came to the trailer and complained again! Finally the DD woke up the other DD to tell him that the surveys we have are okay. I think he was offended that the day DD didn’t agree with him, so he sat and watched over my shoulder for the next 20.8 minutes.
Tonight I’ve gotten 3.7 calls from him reminding me to check the most menial tasks, the first I learned to do. It plays the ice cream truck song every time he calls, and then instead of thinking about work I’m wishing I had some ice cream. Probably coffee ice cream with toffee pieces. And that leads to thinking about making toffee, how it hasn’t worked properly in my attempts so far. And that leads to contemplating Grammas Buttercream Frosting. And I’m going to try to make it even though I detest buttercream frosting.
Buttercream frosting makes me think about birthday cake, and birthday cake makes me think about two boys that called me this morning. And then I smile.
Maybe Bob the Company Man should call more often.
PS Dad: Today you should make Caramelized Chipotle Chicken
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