Pie Day

I was asked to identify a snake today. I don’t know anything about snakes.

Cody: Do you know what it is?

Me: It’s a snake.

Cody: Yeah, what kind is it?

Me: I don’t know.

Today’s Exploit:

I had a good story, I know it.

I just don’t remember what it was.

I’m making pies today. And I chopped about fifteen pounds of potatoes for the roughnecks. My new friend Amanda also chopped five pounds. They decided to make mashed potatoes and potato salad. With no eggs. All the eggs went toward Deviled eggs.

Oh, and did I mention the pies? I am making three, Amanda made three, and the company man or toolpusher, or someone has two (I think his may be store bought). Wish me luck. I’m leaving my apple pie in the oven all night like an old neighbor said to. Hopefully it doesn’t start to moulder in this crazy humidity.

PS.  Happy Thanksgiving!

A History

For a moment there I almost had a hope of being off for the holiday. But that almost hope was quickly dashed away when I looked at a larger version of the well plot. Probably I still have 2.84 weeks, just because I was hoping.

Today’s Exploit:

I was looking up some useless trivia and stumbled over a fact about Dracula. I am currently reading the book, and was rather intrigued. So I did some more research, because the gory facts were too disgusting to pass by.

Turns out Count Dracula may be loosely based on a real person. A person who actually lived, and existed, and murdered people in history. This person was Vlad the Impaler, a prince of Wallachia. He lived in the 1400s.

He fought very hard for his throne, and somehow ended up having three different reigns. Throughout his life he killed thousands of people, mostly Turks. Most of them were impaled, thus the title.

Eventually he was killed in battle, or possibly had had his eyes burned out and then was buried alive. And the next day, or a few years later, when they opened his grave he wasn’t there. The death scenario depends on the source. But they agree that his remains weren’t in his grave.

Woooo…he was already a vampire!

The end.

BFF - Probably Not

It occurred to me today that hunting season is in session. (I have this revelation several times throughout the fall, because there is no snow here) I also realized that I was on some back road in the country. And I wasn’t wearing orange. And probably I was surrounded by hunters.

I ran really fast back to the main dirt road.

Today’s Exploit:

I have had another baffling conversation with my friend Joseph.  I thought I'd share it.  Please let me know if you can make more sense of it than I.

…

Joseph: Haha. Yes. U aren’t boring to me. I like that we text.

Me: Me too.

Joseph: :) yaYyy. Bffs. Haha

Me: Haha, that’s akward.

Joseph: Awww What! :( haha

Me: I don’t know. I guess I’m not a “bff” kind of person?

Joseph: Ooooo. Its cuz I’m white huh? I see now.

Me: Yes that’s it. And you’re not tall enough. And probably smarter than me. Otherwise it would be ok.

Joseph: Awwwww. I’ not tall enough? Womp. And I thought I hada chance wit u :(

Me: It’s true. You must be at least 7’3”.

Joseph: O ok. Well ill delete ur number now :( haha

Me: Also you must speak with a “valley girl” accent. And I really hope you don’t because hearing people talk like that makes my hair hurt.

Me: We can be regular friends. Just not bffs. K?

Joseph: Hahahahahahah. Oookkkkk

Me: Do you ever go ice skating? I want to learn how to play hockey.

Joseph: Yesss I love ice skating!

Some of our conversations remind me of conversations with my sister. For example the conversation about her bum…

I Met More

Today I told the DD that I am thinking of moving.

He spent three hours telling me everything that’s good about Corpus Christi.

Unfortunately living there would leave me in the same predicament I’m in now: I have to drive at least 6 hours to get to my job.

Today’s Exploit:

I went for my daily run today. It was a fight to get myself out of bed, and then dressed and out the door. Then it was a fight to make myself keep moving.

On the bright side I met 4 dogs.

The Husky: I named it Sasha. It was just there to run with me. Stayed with me for about half a mile before it saw a rabbit and took off. Then it found me when I was at work.

The Border Collie: At least I think that’s what it was. It barked at me for 4.83 minutes then hid as I got close. I could hear it rustling around in the bushes as I passed.

The Pug: I met this guy chasing cars, and stopped to pet him. He is a jumper, and too quick for me to keep him down. But we’re friends for life since I petted him.

The Black Lab: This guy was turning grey, but still trying to chase cars with the pug. I called them Harry and Garfunkel. He held back until Garfunkel got some pets. Then he came to visit. He was almost as big as me, and he smelled bad.

To Harry’s owners: He needs a bath!

Anticlimactic

I regret to inform you that nothing exciting has happened in my life, therefore I have writers' block.

Today's Exploit:

The meeting of the DD's wife was rather anticlimactic.  She arrived, she was introduced, and he passed around sonogram prints while she ate fast food. 

Then I made some tea and went to work. 

Then end.

New Friend

Today I am supposed to meet a new friend. 

The day DD's wife is coming to visit.  And he says we're very alike.  Therefore we will be new best friends.  I think the idea is for me to entertain her this afternoon, until he gets off work. 

Today's Exploit:

I'll let you know how it goes. 

Bicycle Adventure

The weather down here is crazy.

I went for my daily run at 3:38 pm. The sky was clear the entire time. Not a single cloud floating around up there.

I got back and showered and found the sky was black, and rain was pouring down. And lightening hit very nearby. It was very loud and scary and shook the rig.

Today’s Exploit:

Walk the Dog

The other day I went to the beach. I was called to a rig, but when I arrived I was told they didn’t need me to be there for another two days, at least. So I went to Galveston Island. I walked on the beach and watched surfers and picked up bits of shells.

It was a lovely day.

Today’s Exploit:

While at the beach I saw many, many people run by. The sidewalk and the street are about 15.8 feet above the beach level, so I mostly saw them while driving and sitting in my car.

I’d found a nice place to park and sat on the passenger side of the car to change my shoes. I was admiring the area and watching people when I noticed one particular jogger. He was an older man. He wore ordinary clothes and was not particularly distinctive except for the fact that he looked a bit lop-sided.

I watched for a few seconds trying to discern the reason for the unbalance. At first I thought it was some sort of pack on his back, and that he was on a VERY long run. But the pack was lumpy and mostly over one shoulder, so I didn’t quite believe that scenario.

Finally he got close enough for me to see his “pack”.

He’d placed his dog…HIS DOG…over his shoulder. It bouncing around and hanging on for dear life. And it watched me as the guy ran by. I tried hard not to stare too hard, because I’m pretty sure the dog was begging me to take it for a normal walk, at least until the run was over.

And I was too slow with my camera to get a picture. I saw they guy again, on his way back. The dog was over his other shoulder watching the world go by. I took a video with my phone, but it was too pixilated to see any definition.  Here is a photo to show you a bit of the indignity that the dog suffered.

Picture from here.



Wardrobe Malfunction

I have a retractable cat 5/Ethernet cable for my computer. I got it when I started my job, so that I have an easy way to connect to the internet while I’m at rigs. I just discovered that it has, attached to the sides, two adapters for regular phone ports. I am so observant that it only took me 20 months to notice this.

Today’s Exploit:

When I was home I got to go to one of the Thursday night dances that the dance studio holds every week. I also decided to be brave, or foolish, and wear a strapless dress. I don’t have a very good history with strapless garments. My body has the special shape that makes skirts ride up to waist level, and shirts or dresses slide down to the same area.

I made it successfully to the studio and distributed the cupcakes I’d brought, and danced a song with Shawn.

At this point I decided to take off my bra, because it seemed to be aiding gravity and nature in getting my dress to slide down.

This solution worked quite well for a while, until I had to do turns. Having my arms up allowed the dress to slip much more quickly. But I was still able to function, mostly.

The next song was a Tango. I usually dance these with Shawn, because…just because. I thought I’d be safe because this dance does not usually involve many spins.

I was doing quite well until a big dramatic part of the song came up and Shawn decided to do a big dramatic swivel/kick/lunge move.

Suddenly I felt the dress move. And before I knew it I’d flashed everyone in the studio. And a few people outside. And I was right next to the mirror, for one of those 3D, all around view experiences.

I am pretty sure I had it fixed before I finished turning red. I also had a very strong fight or flight moment and it took nearly all of my willpower to overcome the urge to run out and never return. But I mastered it and proceeded to the following conversation.

Me: GASP!

Shawn: Are you ok?

Me: My dress just slipped down!

Shawn: And I missed it?

Me: Astohishment

Shawn: That has happened exactly 4 times since I started working here, and I always miss it because I am in frame!

Me: Oh.

Shawn: Don’t worry. No one saw anything, except maybe Jose.

Jose is the sketchy Mexican instructor that wears too much cologn and makes me feel like I need to be wearing 7 more layers of clothing.

Me: Great. Glad it turned out to be him.

Shawn spent the rest of the even alternating between telling me that no one saw anything and teasing me about stripping in public.

Then he thought it’d be fun to put me in the spotlight again. On the microphone.

“I just wanted to recognize PJ…long, nervous pause where I was sure he was going to tell the world about my “new occupation”... for bringing cupcakes.

You’re welcome, now stop looking at me.

Night on the Town

I was going to be productive last night, and churn out a few posts for the next couple days because I have some really juicy stories.

But then Procrastination happened.

And then the Job happened. And my good intentions went to the seventh circle of hell in a fast car. Probably a convertible. Or at least a sun roof.

But I will be good tonight. At least for one post.

Today’s Exploit:

When I finally got home after my school, and after all the chores were done, like paying bills and renewing my lease and getting my Oklahoma driver’s license (boo), I finally ventured out of my flat and went to a bar. I went to one that I knew would have dancing. And it was kinda fun.

Naturally along the way I met some strange people. And some creepers. Gross.

Dance partner #1: The first guy I danced with was an older gentleman who I’d seen dancing with about three other people before he asked me. He was very good, and happy to be there. He told me stories about when he first started going to this bar, how different it was. And he told me about riding on “Gators” where he lives.

Dance partner #2: The next guy was not as experienced a dancer and he spent the whole time counting. Not out loud, but he had to move his lips to keep track of the beat. He later forced me to learn a line dance.

I have discovered that most line dances are quite boring. They do the same 4 movements over and over again for the entire 4 minutes and 38 seconds of the song. And at this bar they did 3 line dances. The one I learned they ended up doing 28 times, I watched 27. I’m amazed at how excited people are to do these dances, over and over and over again. I was bored before the first song ended.

Dance partner #3: This guy thought he was the gods’ gift to women. The first thing he told me while we were dancing was”

“I’m pretty good, I’ve been dancing since I was 12.”

Turns out I’m better than him and I’ve done this dance a grand total of 32 times.

I danced with this guy a couple times, and after every dance he’d touch my shoulder or my side, or stand WAY too close. I wanted to yell at him: I’M HERE TO DANCE, NOT BE YOUR ONE NIGHT STAND, SICKO!

But I was nice and just stepped away.

Dance partner #4: This kid was crazy. He was a very enthusiastic dancer. This nearly resulted in a few pulled muscles and finding myself upside down on more than one occasion.

He liked to do stunts, but wouldn’t tell me before he did them. So I was upside down flailing, and trying to find my feet so I wouldn’t land on my head.

He also knew nearly everyone at the bar, and would randomly stop to talk to them. I’d be left to make my way out of the crush of people in the middle of the song.

Famous Cupcakes

So, for the past month I’ve gotten distracted, and been sidetracked and had writer’s block, otherwise known as “lack of motivation”. But I’m back, I think. And I have a few posts up my sleeve.

Today’s Exploit:

I survived school by the skin of my teeth and was sent straight to a rig. At the gate to the location they stopped me and had me wait for an escort, because this place has ridiculous security. Then they decided that I needed to leave my car at the gate. This was good, because they have “bump gates”, which I’d never seen before. And they probably would have been too much for Starla to handle.

I’ve worked with the guys on this rig before. They are the ones that adopted Little Buddy. (aka Charlie aka Ruby) And the ones of the embarrassing, awkward pork chop dinner. And so on, and so forth.

I hear they’ve spent the past few months harassing Virginia. They wanted her to make those cupcakes that I made for them. Those really good ones. Yeah, the good ones that P.J. made. Unfortunately for Virginia, I made that recipe up, even if they were able to come up with a name for them.

This time I worked with a new crew. One of the ones that worked days last time.

Naturally they were expecting baked goods. And I was sad to inform them that I don’t really do that anymore.

They didn’t believe me. They wouldn’t even take the excuse that I didn’t have my car. Poor Starla was at the gate, 16 miles away. And they didn’t believe that I’d been sent straight from school, and had none of the required items for baking.

They hassled me a lot.