Now, That was a Cruel Joke

Countdown: 17 days *whimper*

I am currently addicted to Every Word on my Kindle.  I made it to level 8 once.  I think I may have jumped up and down and done a happy dance when I finally beat level 7.

Today’s Exploit:

I am living in a trailer with 5 guys and a Jeana.  

I’m pretty sure these guys were raised by chickens.  Have you ever smelled a chicken house?  Also, as chickens have no fingers, they never taught these people to wash dishes.  

Another likeness:  when they get together in the living room/kitchen/office they squawk and squabble and screech as loud as they are able.

As for the joke, we were told that we’re getting a new trailer out here.  It, evidently, is for the girls.  Thus, cleaner living for us and more room for the chicken boys.  When the trailer arrived the punchline was revealed.  The trailer with 2 rooms and 1 bathroom is for the directional drillers*.  Not for the people packed like sardines into a smelly rat house.  (They really did see what they called a rat today) 

So, we’re all stuck together.  Me, 5 guys raised by chickens, and a Jeana.

Fridge space and couch space are premium items here.  Snooze you lose, and all that jazz.  Better not hope to get that space back if you get up to get some water.

*A breakdown.  

Right now we have 8 trailers here:

-2 for the rig crews, that’s 6 to each trailer

-1 for the toolpusher, 1 person in that one

-2 for the company men/clerk, that’s 2 to each trailer

-1 for the DDs, 2 persons in that one

-1 for the Mud Engineer, 2 because he’s got the H2S guy rooming with him

-1 for the rest of us salty little fish (8)

PS. Happy Leap Day

Hint Hint Wink Wink

Countdown: 18 days left - *sob*

I decorated cookies tonight.  Now the box smells like too much sugar.

Today’s Exploit:

The mud logger is one of those creepers.

Mostly he’s just irritating and an insufferable over-sharer.  

But lately he’s been hinting that I “need” to bake something.

He walked in one day and said, “So, I hear you’re a baker.”  

Me:  You’ve been misinformed.

Him:  What! Those roughnecks lied to me?

Me:  Yep.

On another day, after I’d gone food shopping I dropped my bananas and was cursing my clumsiness.

Him:  Oh! It’s time for banana bread! You bake, right?

Me:  Grumble grumble. No.

For one:  Who wants to bake in a pig sty that’s infested with mice?

For two:  Trying to force me to do something is probably a guarantee that I’ll do everything in my power to not have to do it.  Especially if you’re being creepy and stalker-ish.  

I have taken to being extra surly in the trailer so that no one will talk to me, since privacy and being alone is not a conceivable option.

My Sister Says

21 Days left.  I might be able to make it 5.012 miles at this point.

Today’s favorite comic: Surviving the World.

Favorite quote from said comic:   You really haven't lived until you've chased cats around your house like a raptor. The impression also works better when you're willing to bite people. - Dante Shepherd

Today’s Exploit:

My sister came to visit my rig.

Mostly it was because she wanted to steal the keys to my apartment, but still...

The first thing she said:  It smells like Texas.

The second thing she said had something to do with spilling a gallon of water in her lap.

The third thing she said:  Wow, you really weren’t lying!  

This was about the size of my wonderful/hateful box.  

*Note to Cupcake:  You must try chasing Oni Satan as a velociraptor.  Please tell me how it works out.  

I Have a Valentine

Countdown:  32 Days.  Also, Day 10 for my new workout.  I can almost walk like a normal person again.

Myrtle Mint has not yet gotten her haircut.  I have been too busy reading about Bloody Jack, a crazy pirate girl.

Today’s Exploit:

I have a Valentine.  

I had forgotten what the day was.  I mean, I knew what the day was, because I have to note it on all my paperwork.  But I’d forgotten that it was a holiday.  

I’ve even been thoroughly enjoying the flavor of the month Blizzard at Dairy Queen.  

But then my good friend Larry, one of the company men, came out.  He had a plastic bag with him.  I was at a loss as to what this might mean, but I was sure to be entertained.  Larry is an accomplished story teller, if you catch the start of the story.  Otherwise it’s a bit hard to understand his accent.

Turns out he’d gone to town and gotten boxes of chocolates for both Jeana, the other MWD, and me.  

Larry:  Happy Valentine’s Day, Miss PJ.

Me:  Wow, thank you Larry!  That was so nice.

Larry:  Well, I know how you women get about these things.

Me:  Haha.

Larry:  So, I thought I’d better get something for you ladies, since you’re out here.

I shall have to get more ice cream for him this afternoon.  

Myrtle Mint Needs a Haircut

Countdown:  35 Days.  My calves still hurt.  They may hurt for the rest of the year.

I decided I am going to take a picture of my hat every time it gets dirty.  So I can show all the pretty/gross patterns/whatever.  I was foiled in this endeavor before I even got started.

Today’s Exploit:

My next project is going to be to give Myrtle a haircut.  She is getting very scraggly right now.  

She has seen many new places and endless rigs.  And she is growing lots.  But she also sees the floor of Starla quite frequently.  And, since I have to go to Houston to see the office, she does too.

That means she gets mashed against the floor-mats occasionally because city drivers are stupid.  And once in a while because I’m gawking.  She also has to hang out in the oppressive heat of a car in Texas while I go inside and fight with computers.  

She’s been bent and wilted and dumped and smashed, from that one time I let one of the trainees ride with me.  His stuff fell on her, and she squawked at me in protest.  Then pretended she was going to die for 3.612093 days.  

At the moment she’s trying to grow all to one side of the pot.  I think she wants to tip it over to make me feel bad again.  

Gosh, Myrtle.  I water you and turn you on a regular basis.  What more do you want?  

Oh, new dirt?  I see.  It is true, you are only half full.  I will work on that.

NO DIRTY HAT FOR YOU!

Countdown:  36 days.  Eek.

So.  Cherry M&M’s are no longer just a Christmas thing.  They have them in a white bag for Valentine’s day.  Yay.

Today’s Exploit:

I just had my hat forcibly cleaned, even though I clearly said I liked it dirty.  They took it anyway.  So it was shiny and white, just like everyone else’s.  So I never knew which one to pick.

Then we had to change our tool for a new one.  And when I was working it was raining mud.  Not so bad as a shower, but drip-drippy.  It got all over me and my hat and my coveralls and my sweatshirt.  

When I went back to my box I had a pretty dalmatian-like spackle on my hat.  I was excited and wiped just enough off that I wouldn’t smear my hand in slime every time I wanted to take it off.

BUT... Then I had to go back up to take some measurements.  And Company Man Larry attacked my head with a towel.  He told me that they couldn’t have me walking around with a dirty hat.  Now it’s just a streaky muddy brown.  

And no more pretty speckles.

Too Much Food

Countdown:  Some day I’ll count and know fore sure how many days.

I was just serenaded with “I’m a Little Teapot” over the phone.

By an adult.

Today’s Exploit:

The other day I made pasta.  Lots of pasta.  Probably enough to feed an army.  And only a few people had the required courage to try it  

Now I have a pot of pasta in the fridge.

Then I went home and was given chicken and rice and asparagus.  Enough for another army.  So now I have that in the fridge too.  

When I came back to the rig I had a giant box of fried shrimp and fish and cornmeal and some beans and cabbage waiting.   

Today I was fed by another of the guys in my trailer.  He had enough food to feet 7.2 armies.  

Now the refrigerators are full.  And no one else can eat.  

The Silence was the Best Part

Countdown:  I forget.

I think I may be dead.  I just finished the first real Insanity workout.  I had to cheat starting the second set of pushups.  And my squats were “bend the knee a little” type squats.  

And now I am dead.

My hair is soggy, my face is dripping and I fogged up all the windows in my box.  Also, I think I may smell pretty bad.  

But I’m dead, so no one really cares.  Right?

Today’s Exploit:

I went home last night, aka 4:30 am.

I slept in my bed.

I locked my door.

I ate from my fridge.

I brushed my teeth in my bathroom.

I had almost silence.  Except for that weird drain noise that I think came from my upstairs neighbors’ washing machine.

It was bliss.

Suspicious Activity: Walking

Countdown:  One more day gone, and I’m still not ready.

I discovered, or rather re-discovered the comic Cyanide and Happiness today.  It makes me laugh.  

Today’s Exploit:

I like to pace when I talk on the phone.  

Or clean, but that’s only in my own house with no one else around.

So, here, I pace.  I walk in circles around the room or lay upside down on the bed and walk my feet up and down the wall and around the corner.  Or the ceiling, if I have a bunk bed.  

But usually I go for long walks on the beach in the moonlight.

No really.  I go for long walks.  But the beach tends more to a dirt road and the moonlight is the glare of the rig.

This activity usually gains me little to no attention.  Once in a while the roughnecks comment on my walks.  But usually they only notice my runs because that’s when I wear shorts.

When I arrived at my current and most lovely rig to meet with Dirty Herb I decided a walk was in order.  I wanted to talk to my parents.  

So I took off down the road.

I walked and avoided the wind and talked and walked some more.  

Then a car came grumbling down the road.  So I moved off into the lovely green clover that was the side of the road.

The car stopped.  

I said hello.

The man asked me where I was from.

I told him.

My parentals thought I was being snotty and said, “Hello, Wyoming?”  

I talked some more with the man and the lady watched.  

Then they drove away.  

So I walked some more and talked some more and tried to avoid the wind.

Then another man came down his driveway and asked me who I was and where I came from.  

Then he backed back down his driveway into his garage.  

Next came the lady who flew past me to talk to the gate guard at the rig.

You see, they thought I was mighty suspicious walking along the road talking on my phone.  They thought I was casing the joint.  And telling my friends about the loot they had hidden under their couches.  

So, now I don’t go walking in the night.  I’m afraid next time they won’t ask questions first.  I’m afraid they’ll get out the big scary guns that every one in Texas, except me, owns.  I think they might shoot me for talking on my phone and walking down the lonely road at night.  

The end.

PS  I told Dirty Herb about this and he laughed.  He couldn’t believe that anyone could be suspicious of little ole me.  Specially since I have short hair now.  

Guess that makes me look even more innocent.  

Huh.

My Hat is Clean

Countdown:  T minus one less day to prepare.

I started the Insanity workouts today.  All I did was the Fit Test and I’m exhausted.  I will be sore for the first real workout tomorrow.  

Today’s Exploit:

I was very proud of my dirty hardhat.  The one that was black with mud after my stupid mud shower.  The one where I had black hair and mud in my ears and up my nose and soaked through my coveralls.  

The one that made me stink for a week, no matter how hard I scrubbed.  

Well.  

Since I got here the roughnecks have been asking what happened, and why it’s dirty, and telling me how to clean it.

Today one of the roughnecks came over and asked if he could look at it for a minte.

He STOLE IT!

When he came back he had a nice, clean, white hardhat.

Now I can’t tell which one is mine.  And I look like a newbie.

Darn those guys for trying to be nice.  

I was proud of that mud.

Rolls of Leadership

Countdown:  Not enough days left.

I downloaded a bunch of eBooks free from iTunes.  They won’t open in my Kindle App because my computer is being stubborn; and they won’t open in my new BookReader App because they’re protected, or something.  Dumb free books.

Today’s Exploit:

Yesterday I was helping my sister with an application for a nursing scholarship.  

I was reading what she’d written, editing her punctuation (because I’m a jerk and can’t leave it alone), and adding some suggestions.  

I wasn’t paying close attention to my own typing as I did this, and ended up saying something about having a roll of leadership in the community.  

Now Rolls of Leadership are my first official, will-definitely-be-on-the-menu, item for PJ’s Kitchen.  The only problem is that I don’t know what rolls of leadership are supposed to taste like.