Other things. Sorta like posts, but not.

Thursday, September 30

Beer Run

“So. The moral of this story is: if ever you find yourself in Stratford-upon-Avon, never, Never go to the Dirty Duck!” -Cupcake


Today’s Exploit:

Last night I finally screwed up the courage to visit the roughnecks. In other words, harass them and get in their way and generally be a nuisance. They asked me about how far I run in the mornings and told me how they needed to start getting into shape. They tell me they’re watching their figures.

So as generous as I am, I offered to let them run with me. Of course they laughed at me. This one told me that that one wouldn’t make it to the tower (35 meters). That one told me that this one wouldn’t make it to his truck unless something deadly was chasing him.

Then one of them came up with a clever idea. He told me I should get a beer. Then I should show it to the roughneck Chad. When I had his attention I could start running. Making sure I held the beer where he could see it, he’d probably follow me anywhere.

The only problem I saw with this idea is that Chad is probably 6.5 feet tall. And he’s about 3 feet wide. Meaning he’s built like a horse. Or two. Therefore he could probably catch me in 2.53 steps, if he felt like it. And he could probably pick me up with his little finger. Then where would I be?

I’d be stuck for sure.

In other news, today’s lucky numbers are: 8, 32, 47, 9, 12 and 6.

Wednesday, September 29

And the Next Day

An inspired Haiku from my sister.  I'm hanging it on my virtual fridge:

haiku for you:
you know what i want?
i want a cinnamon roll.
you're sch a weirdo.
the end.

Today’s Exploit:

After I graduated, and after I played with fire for a while and when I still didn’t like engineering, I went to the family cabin. I stayed there a week. Alone. With the clouds. I’m pretty sure 98.6% of my family thought I was crazy. But, then I already knew that.
I read books and baked muffins and went hiking. But only because there was no snow and I couldn’t ski. And I chopped wood. A lot of wood. With a little axe. It was a lot of work. But I did some every day. I was very proud of myself. And Eric was jealous because he couldn’t chop the pieces when he’d tried. Rawr!


This is what I looked like, except without the do-rag, or the curl. And probably I wore an orange vest and had blonde hair. But other than that it’s exactly what I looked like.
 I had many lovely adventures climbing rocks and howling with the coyotes. And everything was very fall-y, like this:

Except the aspen leaves kept falling and attacking me.
But then my week was over and my parents came to stay the weekend with me. We had soup and toast and talked about better times. Then I slept on the porch to escape the heat. And the next day it snowed. And it snowed. And snowed. Until we almost didn’t make it back to town. But of course we made the best of it and built a turtle.

…And they all three stood, ready to fight the evil emperor with only sticks to shield themselves…
We made the turtle armed with sticks and a pair of rubber dish-washing gloves and a dog. The dog was mostly a hindrance because she thought she was supposed to bite the snowballs we were making. That was probably why we ended up with a turtle, instead of a man, made of snow. *Notice how my father is appropriately dressed for the weather in a Hawaiian shirt.

We had heaps and heaps of snow. I bet you can’t imagine what happened the next day…

Ok, ok. So it wasn’t the next DAY. It was a little longer than that.
I flew! And when I landed I was in the very spot I stood next to the mutant snow turtle.

The End.

PS Dad: Today you should make Italian Wedding Soup!

Tuesday, September 28

Alligator Wrestling

The Underpants of Optimism are slowly making their way down my knees, shortly to arrive at their scheduled destination of my ankles. That is to say, my Balloon of Hope has a slow puncture. –Molly Malone of “Cynicism isn’t an Option… It’s a Lifestyle

Today’s Exploit:

I made a friend on my last rig, and we sometimes talk. He is kinda crazy and we have some strange conversations, to say the least. Here is an example of some of the things we talk about:

Joseph: So, do alligators swim up to the rig?

Me: I haven’t seen any, yet. I don’t think I want to.

This is probably what it would look like.  Maybe more violent.
Joseph: Yeh I’d scream

Me: I‘d have to wrestle it, and I’d probably win. Then all the guys here would be intimidated and I‘d have an even harder time making friends.

See?  I can beat the snot out of those crazy gators.
Joseph: Hahahha. Either they’d b skerd of you or wanna date you.

Me: Um…

Joseph: They’d want you to have their baby!

Me: Oh dear.

Joseph: Bah hahahahaha

Me: Evil.

Joseph: All love sista.

Me: Mmmmhmmm. Somehow I’m not seeing it.

Joseph: Aww you should feel it then.

Me: Mmmmmmm. Nope.

We also argue about things like cartoons and children’s books. Or whose night is more boring. I always win because I have to fight with computers, all alone, by myself. He also thinks it’s funny to claim he’s going to send nude photos of himself, because he knows it embarrasses me. So then I want to strangle him for a while, until he gets another of my jokes. Then we can be friends again.

PS Dad: Tonight I’m going to make you research your own recipes, since you don’t bother with my research. I worked hard to find the perfect ones for you!

Monday, September 27

So Not Helpful

Spin your body around

Now your feet are gonna hit the ground
I am going sleepless and you're out of lullaby

-The Hush Sound

Today’s Exploit:

I have been getting ready for my next class for this job. They give me lists of things I must accomplish before I am allowed to attend. One of my tasks for this class is to update my radiation certification. I’ve been having some trouble finding the test and video to get it updated. So I sent a message to one of the certification guys to ask for help:

Dear Mr. Lichtenheimer*, My Radiation certification has expired, and I was wondering if I can update it online while at the rig. I looked through iLearn, and found a reference to a video, but could not find a link. Also is there a test I have to take to renew the certification?

Thanks,
PJ Darling
*name changed to protect the guilty

His reply:

PJ,

Unless you are handling radioactive sources this portion of the DM QHSE is not required, when the time comes for you to be active in this role you FSM will arrange the survey meter assessment, this will probably be done in NGC.

The Radiation has 4 parts to it. “

Bla bla, explain explain…

“Radiation Basic ~ DONE School/or renewed online you have this portion done (This is what I need!)

Let me know if you have any other questions, the IT RTR is RealTime Remote operations and is an online test with nothing to do with radiation.
Mr. Lichtenheimer

I am a bit excited after this email because it sounds like this guy knows what he’s talking about.

Mr. Lichtenheimer,

I am trying to get my sign off sheet for Scope School and updating my L2C2 certification is one of the requirements.

I have looked in iLearn and QUEST, and found DM OJT 410. When I enrolled in it I just got a page saying the enrollment was confirmed. I can find no attachment to get to the video to review, or to the test to take.

Would you direct me to the correct path to view the video and take the test please?

Thanks,
PJ Darling
So he helpfully replies:

PJ,

This one is done in Quest, it is the radiation test and cert you do 1 time a year. If you have this done in Quest send me a print screen of your Quest Certifications and I will update manually.

Mr. Lichtenheimer

I’m pretty sure I said I looked in Quest. Let me check again…Nope still not there. By now I’m more than a little frustrated. This dude is not actually reading what I wrote, is he? I thought not. So to clarify myself I wrote another note and sent some pictures of what I am seeing.

Mr. Lichtenheimer

I can’t find a link that allows me to watch the video, or a link that allows me to take a test. I don’t have the option to take a test, and when I click the certification name I get a list of content, but no links. I took print screens of these pages and attached them.

Please let me know what I need to do to get this updated.

Cheers,
PJ Darling
He hasn’t answered yet. So not helpful. I’m getting short on time here.

PS Dad: Today you should make Enchilada Pie. Mom has the recipe.

Sunday, September 26

Short Attention Span

It would be the day that I decide to start eating healthy that they decide to feed me hamburgers with bacon and guacamole and rice with sausage and cornbread. Thanks for the help, guys.

Today’s Exploit:

I have discovered an artsy store sorta like Hobby Lobby. The lady who told me about it said it was like Hobby Lobby times ten! Then later it was like Hobby Lobby on crack. Needless to say it’s a warehouse that feels the size of the Mall of America when you go inside.

Inside I found everything from luggage to medical scrubs to tableware to books and everything in between. It’s very overwhelming. Especially for a non-shopper. There’s stuff everywhere (sorry Mr. P, I couldn’t help myself) and the place is ginormous.

I went looking for a cheap desk that I could fix to match my flat. And I was able to find the stools I have been lusting after, almost, mostly, they work.


And some glass jars for my baking collection. And some glasses for my glass cabinet.


So I decided to rearrange my entire flat. Probably not something I should embark on the night (7pm) before going to work early (6am).

First I decided to rearrange my kitchen so that my baking stuff is where I actually bake. So I moved some bowls and plates.


Then I remembered that I’d wanted to vacuum before I left. After vacuuming I remembered that I had to wash some dishes. After getting the dishes washed and stacked by their new cupboard I took the trash out. On the way back in I was sidetracked into moving my futon. I folded a stray blanket and returned it to my bedroom, where I moved the bookshelves.

 



I remembered I’d wanted to put my old trunk in my bedroom, so I went to the living room. There I discovered that I could not get to the trunk without first moving my club chair. At this point I remembered I was rearranging the kitchen. I moved some spices and all my glass jars to my bar. I then realized that I had new jars to fill, but first they needed cleaned and the stickers removed. I decided to do the same with my new glasses while I was at it



 
While they were soaking I put old glasses in packing paper to put away. I was on the floor rolling them up when I noticed my new apron. I’d gotten a new set of hooks to hang my growing collection on, so I got out my tape measure and my itty bitty level.

Next I went back to the jars and glasses. I found the one for my cupcake wrappers. So of course I had to open all the packages and arrange them nicely in the jar. Everyone should have a special jar for cupcake wrappers. All the cool kids are doing it.

Eventually I was able to get myself back on track and all three rooms were finished at the same time. Unfortunately it took me most of the night, before a job, to get it done. I’m pleased with the results, I think. Let me check the photos so that I can remember what it looks like.

PS Dad: Today you should make Chicken Pot Pie.

Saturday, September 25

Un-photogenic

Today a piece of equipment in the well died. Fail. Gone. That piece of equipment was the tool that allows me to do my job. Now I have even less to do. Not that it helps anyone. I still have writer’s block. And I’m being reclusive so I have no one to entertain me. Sorry.

Today’s Exploit:

I don’t like having my picture taken. If I can help it at all I’ll be the person holding the camera. So I have lots of pictures of other people, and scenery and animals. The only way I will give in to being photographed is if my mom threatens me with my life, or my sister gets a hold of a camera.

But then I end up with photos like this:


Or this:


Sometimes she can’t aim so we get this:

 
But every once in a while she’ll distract me sufficiently that she’ll get one that I look somewhat normal in. At least as normal as I can be when I’m around her:


PS Dad: Today you should make Hamburgers. No link, okay?

Thursday, September 23

No More Rain.

The first matter of importance today is that my toe hurts. Really bad. Almost going numb bad. And I can’t figure out why. It’s very frustrating.

The second is that my computer needs cleaned. The keys are getting…dusty. Yeah. They’re compiling a lot of dust

Today’s Exploit:

It rained today. I woke up to wind rattling the trailer, and lots of rain, and what could have been thunder (or maybe the forklift dropping some pipe racks). The wind was strong enough that it tore the TV dish off the trailer. The DD panicked a little until the repair guy came, he couldn’t watch his fishing shows.

I panicked too, but it was because last time I was in this crazy state it was under 28.2 inches of water. And I saw on the news that Corpus Christi, TX has LOTS of water. And I talked to my friend there and he said the last rig I was on is under water right now.

Starla, my car, doesn’t like swimming. She doesn’t even like wading. Every time I drive in heavy rain she protests and makes me get new belts. Or she throws a windshield wiper off so that I can’t see.

I don’t want more rain! Hear me? Stop raining until I can go home. Or at least to Oklahoma City. Then I can have a nice bed. And a nice kitchen, that’s fully stocked. And clean.

Although this one is now somewhat clean. I decided today that I’d had enough and cleaned the dishes, and washed the counters and cleaned out the silverware holder. Then I bleached everything. Now I can touch the counter without cringing and running to wash my hands.

PS Dad: Today you should make Tomato Basil Bruschetta.

Wednesday, September 22

Penguin Trainer

I am fascinated with my heart rate right now. I check it about 56.3 times a minute. I check it when I do laundry, when I do dishes, while I’m reading, and as I walk across the room. It is amazing how quickly it changes and the amount it changes. I’ll probably be wearing my monitor continually for the next 2.31 weeks. At least.

Today’s Exploit:

So today I was pondering the fact that I don’t much like my job this week. It’s been very boring. I’ve spent more time reading, watching movies, and playing with my phone than actually working. I even was reduced to STUDYING for entertainment. I took tests for FUN. Eek!

I also was reminded how office people are lacking in common sense. I don’t want that to happen to me. So I don’t want an office job.

The first idea I came up with was the zoo. I wouldn’t be in the office, I’d get to learn about all the animals, and it sounds fun.

Then I contemplated the circus. It’s big, it’s shiny, it probably only has an office for the ring master.

Ooh, ooh, ooh, then I decided I want to fly a helicopter. That would be AMAZING! I could go anywhere and see all sorts of amazing things. I disregarded the fact that I wasn’t particularly happy the last time I was in one. How they jump around and drop suddenly, worse than rollercoasters (which I HATE).

But then I remembered that I’d probably have to talk to people. Over the radio. And I don’t like talking to people. And I don’t like talking over the radio at all. And I’m not sure if they’d let me drive a helicopter because I wear glasses, or contacts. Depends on how I feel that day.

So I decided to go with the zoo. But then I remembered all the people that go to the zoo. And I hate crowds. I almost had a panic attack in a room with 7 other people. So I amended that to working at the zoo, where the only people I have to talk to are the penguins.

I suppose the circus could still be an option, but I’d probably have to be the elephant trainer and work from backstage.

PS Dad: Today you should make Chicken Alfredo! Yum!

Tuesday, September 21

Crazy License

Today I got a heart rate monitor. I had to wear it 3.86 hours before it stopped feeling like it was pinching me. And my heart rate is much higher than I expected. Unless I concentrate really hard on breathing slowly and relaxing. Then it’s about what I thought I’d see. It is also water resistant up to 50 meters. I may have to go swimming to check it out. Remind me to do that next time I go to Corpus Christi.

Today’s Exploit:

My sister brings out the crazy in people. She still doesn’t understand why people tell her they’re only this crazy when they’re around her. But my mom figured it out. Cupcake is so crazy that no matter how strange her friends are, they still look pretty normal when they’re with her. Being with her is a license to act like a goof, and not be judged. Because everyone is busy judging her. Good thing she doesn’t care.

Case in point: She made me wear false eyelashes. And take “Barbie Pictures”. And I was okay with that since she was the wacko dancing around the kitchen and making kissy faces and showing them off. Since we had the eyelashes, and she’d just heard Axel F on Monsters vs. Aliens she decided we had to have a dance party. I’m pretty sure most of the city could hear the music, and are thoroughly of that song.

This turned into a photo shoot because I took a few pictures of her dancing. She reviewed them.


Cupcake: Whoa! They make my bum look small! Take another to show that it isn’t!

Me: Ok. Click


Cupcake: Man! That one did too! Ok, try again.

Me: Click


Cupcake: There’s something wrong with your camera. All cameras make my bum look big!


PS Dad: Tonight you should make Italian Breaded Baked Parmesan Pork Chops

Monday, September 20

Panic Attack

All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific. ~Jane Wagner, The Search For Intelligent Life In The Universe, performed by Lily Tomlin

Today’s Exploit:

I was sitting at my computer studying for my upcoming class when the directional driller called me.

DD: Hey! We have a cheeseburger up here with your name on it!

Me: Ok. (Translation: not interested)

DD: We also have some pipe tally.

Me: Alright, I’ll be up in a couple minutes.

Going to the rig floor usually qualifies as an adventure for me. Unless I am rigging up and have already made the trip 72 times. So I was expecting a fun little outing away from my trailer. I hardly even go outside since the office is in the trailer this time.

So I got my hardhat and my boots on and grabbed a piece of paper and a pencil. And I carted myself across location and up the stairs.

I opened the door to a full house. Everyone awake was up there. I think that equated to 32 ½ people. And the doghouse is not very big.

I made a beeline for the DD and the pipe tally with major tunnel vision. I jotted down the numbers as fast as I could, took the fast food bag they offered almost without noticing and raced out. That was way too many people that I didn’t know. I’m pretty sure I nearly had a panic attack.

I went up expecting the driller, the DD and maybe a floor hand. That would be only one person that I hadn’t talked to before.

I vaguely remember them teasing me about visiting sometime. And it’s rather humorous that I skedaddled as fast as I could after that. I’d forgotten how horrifying crowds are.  I was doing so well, not being shy and reclusive.  Until today.

PS Dad: Tonight you should make Individual Meatloaves.

Sunday, September 19

Complaining

Today I got the bestest birthday surprise ever! The two amazing little big boys that I used to watch called me. One had a dream about me, so they decided to call.

Me: Hello?

Eli: Hi PJ, it’s Eli. I had a dream about you and I want you to come visit!

The rest of the conversation consisted of me trying painfully to come up with questions and both Eli and Cavan answering monosyllabically. Until the end, when they knew they’d have to hang up.

Eli: I know how to read! And we have a lot of trails around our house and I got a new bike!

Cavan: PJ! I can jump up and down on one foot!

Yep, best birthday surprise ever!

Today’s Exploit:

So, Bob the Company Man. He’s a little crazy. I think his favorite thing to do is complain.

The first time I talked to him was when he complained about the position of our tool on the ground. It was a tripping hazard, and someone was going to get hurt.

He was walking around the rig in high -water coveralls, tennis shoes and no hard hat…

The next time was to hear about how our surveys were not good. We had magnetic interference and we were sending them out anyway! (This is not a big issue at all) He called three times asking about it. And he wanted me to wake the other MWD.

During this time he also complained to the DD multiple times asking him to wake the other DD.

Then he came to the trailer and complained again! Finally the DD woke up the other DD to tell him that the surveys we have are okay. I think he was offended that the day DD didn’t agree with him, so he sat and watched over my shoulder for the next 20.8 minutes.

Tonight I’ve gotten 3.7 calls from him reminding me to check the most menial tasks, the first I learned to do. It plays the ice cream truck song every time he calls, and then instead of thinking about work I’m wishing I had some ice cream. Probably coffee ice cream with toffee pieces. And that leads to thinking about making toffee, how it hasn’t worked properly in my attempts so far. And that leads to contemplating Grammas Buttercream Frosting. And I’m going to try to make it even though I detest buttercream frosting.

Buttercream frosting makes me think about birthday cake, and birthday cake makes me think about two boys that called me this morning. And then I smile.

Maybe Bob the Company Man should call more often.

PS Dad: Today you should make Caramelized Chipotle Chicken

Saturday, September 18

Tomorrow I Will

My first order of business is this: Which of my parents posted as Bill and Tahna, and which posted as Anonymous? And something is wrong with the one that wants Goldfish tacos. Goldfish are meant to be eaten head first. Or occasionally tail first. But not in taco shells.

Today’s Exploit:

I have been bored out of my mind tonight while procrastinating. I need to take some tests for my next school. But I don’t wanna. So I read 100 pages of my book. And I found some new music. And I organized some files. And I watched a movie.

I will be productive tomorrow. I will!

In the mean time I have found a new singer that I love. Missy Higgins. Very relaxing music. Mmmmm…

Tomorrow I will take my tests. Tomorrow I will prepare for class. Tomorrow…

Tomorrow I will fortify myself to deal with Bob the Company man.

Tomorrow I will tell you about him.

Tonight I can’t’ think of him anymore. He frustrates me. He makes me want to smash plates. And he invades my office space.

But that’s for tomorrow.

PS Dad: Tonight you should make Beef Stew.

Friday, September 17

Short Stack

I am currently addicted to Ginger Ale, Simply Raspberry Lemonade, Grapefruit juice and Original Goldfish. This is all I’ve consumed for the past three days. Somehow I’m okay with that.

Today’s Exploit:

I’ve been hearing a phone that sounds like the ice cream truck. It makes me sad every time I hear it. Because I can’t get any ice cream.

I’ve gotten to work with an engineer who, last time I worked with, I thought was shy and quiet and reserved. Apparently after the first meeting he is talkative and quite social. I’ve learned about his past seven jobs, his camera and his nephew. Maybe it’s because we live and work in the same room this time.

Both of the directional drillers are quite funny. And talk all the time. And they don’t get offended when I laugh at them, which is about every 3.75 minutes.

I miss my mattress.

I think TV on rigs should be banned.

The end

PS Dad: Today you should make Cornbread! I don’t need to link this one do i?

Wednesday, September 15

My Shoebox

I love love love my mattress. It is amazing. And my new pillowcases are softer than baby Alpaca fur and smoother than Gelato. And my new blanket is not 485 degrees so I can sleep! You should try new bedding!

Today’s Exploit:

I arrived in the new trailer to find a bedroom the size of a shoebox. And I get to share it. I could, if I was so inclined, cuddle with the person I’m sharing a room with, without moving my bed. They tell me that it should only be for 8 days.

I also discovered that the bathroom next to the bedroom has not been cleaned in 4.73 years. The shower has a layer of tar that has accumulated from regular use by people in the oilfield. The toilet has not been cleaned in 1.89 years. Ew.

Luckily the trailer does have two bathrooms. The second one has only been neglected for 3 months. This is the one I will be using. After dosing it with much Clorox and Lysol, my two best friends when I travel.

I must be off to spray and scrub. Sweet dreams.

PS Dad: Tonight you should make Chicken and Artichokes in a White Wine Sauce. Hey! I left some artichokes just for this!

Monday, September 13

Mattress Adventure

I went through some boxes, at my parents’ house, of things saved for me. They had saved some things from when I was younger and some of my grandparents’ things that they thought I might want. Among the items were an ice cream maker, an American Girls doll, a woven blanket and a wooden plate with a hummingbird painting. Most of the stuff I understand, but the plate? And the blanket? I’m not sure why they ended up in my box.

I also went through some boxes that were for my sister, looking for a particular piano book that is still unaccounted for. In her box I found a book that I had requested. I was a little huffy, and took the book. I got it home to my Oklahoma flat and discovered that she had somehow found another copy of the same book. Now I have two copies, and I feel rather sheepish for taking her book.

Today’s Exploit:

Today I went furniture shopping. My main goal was a mattress. Mine is about as heavy as a large elephant, and it is older than my sister. This equates to way too many years of use, considering all the commercials I’ve heard lately suggest maybe eight years.

I looked at a couple styles at the first store I went to, and was rather shocked by some prices. They were a teensy bit more than I expected. I sat on some beds and wandered around the other sections of the store trying to avoid both crowds and the overzealous sales people that mob me when I enter. They somehow never seem to understand that I’m more likely to spend money if they give me some space.

Finally I gave up and went to another store hoping for fewer customers. I was lucky and told the very chatty salesperson that I was looking for mattresses. She took me to them and told me about a few between telling me about her shoes, the weather, having a tall family and calling me Miss Lady. She called me Miss Lady even after I told her my name. She was funny. She spent most of the time telling me that I am not short.

I ordered my favorite mattress to be delivered tomorrow morning. Then I went shopping for new sheets for my new mattress. I made my selection and got home very excited for the morning. I walked into my flat and realized that it is a disaster and must be cleaned before the mattress delivery people arrive.

This proceeded to entail cleaning, moving furniture and organizing all of my rooms. In the process I began looking for a painting. And a photograph. I have looked on every surface and gone through every box several times but they are nowhere to be found.

I’m beginning to think that someone broke in while I was on holiday to steal these two items. Everything else I own has been accounted for in this process. I am miffed about where the two pieces could be. I know I saw them several times each day I was home before my holiday.

I also just realized that I still have a large pile of junk near my door that must be dealt with sometime soon.

Please send me positive wishes that I did not throw my painting in a dumpster inadvertently!

PS Dad: Tonight you should make Ground Beef Gyros

Saturday, September 11

Cabbage Hunt

At dinner with my parents and my sister somehow our conversation turned to spitting. I took a sip of my drink, but they made me laugh before I could swallow. So they started joking about spitting juice and milk, and laughing too hard and having it come out one’s nose. They started arguing about what might be worst.

Mom: Root Beer’s the roost! (we're pretty sure she meant "worst")

Everyone else: HAHAHAHA!

Dad: And Mike’s is Yikes! (my sister and I were drinking Mike’s Hard Lemonade)

Everyone else: HAHA HAHAHAHAH!

Today’s Exploit:

After a large breakfast of Buttermilk Biscuits and excellent cantaloupe my parents and I were stuffed. My dad suggested taking a walk. I thought it was a good idea, but my mom was hesitant. So I told her she should go with us.

She acquiesced. My dad was shocked that she agreed. Usually if she says no, that’s the final answer. I joked that it was peer pressure.

My dad cracked up and started “peering” at my mom, staring with his face contorted into a rather macabre mask. He claims he’ll use this in the future. I fear for my mother.

The next conversation was where we should walk. Should we go to the Greenbelt path? Or up into the mountains at Vedawoo (Ve da-VOO). Then they came up with the idea that we should walk around the university campus looking for cabbages.

They told me that a few weeks ago campus was covered with cabbages. Today we found 7. We walked for ages and ages. And in the process we toured the new IT center, the greenhouse, and the new Anthropology museum.

We also had a pinecone fight and “walked around” meaning my dad walked really fast in circles in front of my mom and I.  I tried to get an example of his shenanigans, but he caught on to what I was doing and was uncooperative.


Another adventure was throwing pinecones at the tyrannosaurus rex. The local lore is that it’s good luck if one can get a pinecone in its mouth.

PS Dad: Tonight you should make Macaroni and Cheese

Friday, September 10

Bike Ride From Hades

Today I discovered the stats section of my blog. I can look at a map that shows me where people looking at my blog are, by country. I was under the impression that my parents, sister and maybe an aunt ready my blog.

I was flummoxed to discover that people from Canada, Australia and Denmark have read my blog. Also four people from Tunisia. I’m not sure where that is, but now I have to research it. And Luxembourg. I hope you people are enjoying my adventures.

It would be shocking to learn that I can make people outside my family laugh. Another thing that baffles me is: how in the world do you find MY blog? I’m certainly not advertising. All I can say is WOW.

Today’s Exploit:

During my holiday my dad decided we needed to go on a bicycle ride. Every night we’d say we should go the next day. But somehow it didn’t happen to nearly the last day. We finally got it together and went riding. Probably the only thing that got me back to the truck was the idea of homemade waffles.

We drove into the mountains and found a nice deserted dirt road that said: Dead End Ahead. Hoping that it was more that .173 miles to the dead end we got the bikes out and hopped on.

After .073 miles the road turned to a two track. (A little trail that has seen some four wheeling vehicles, but not safe for Mom’s Subaru or my baby Civic.) It was then that I found the first patch of sand. Sand is very difficult to ride in. The tires slide all over, and I have absolutely no control over direction. Rather like hydroplaning or sliding on ice.

But I made it through and went on to the first hill. This hill was nearly never-ending, and steep. I think we rode that way for 81.3 miles. We got to the top only to discover another hill, not quite as long, but covered in loose rocks. Rocks are just as treacherous as sand, and much more intimidating. I made it to the top to discover a fence, then a ridge that I had no desire to traverse. Maybe if I had rock climbing gear.

We turned around and went back down the scary, rocky hill to a fork in the road. We followed the fork to an even steeper, longer hill. We rode down that hill, through sand and rocks and ruts and side slopes until my hands were about to fall off from holding the breaks so tight. That hill was 103.8 miles long.

Then came the fun part. We got to turn around and go back up the mountain to get to the truck. It took me a long time to get started because I’m one of the biggest scaredy-cats anyone will ever meet on a bicycle. (I have scars to validate my reasons.) I had to find just the right place to get enough momentum to get my foot into the toe-clip, but not slide sideways into a ravine.

I finally got started and managed to ride 51.8 miles up the side of the cliff before my legs and lungs gave out. (I think it takes at least 47 days to get used to the altitude after living at sea level for most of a year.) The only thing that got me started again was the prospect of waffles.

This time I only made it .87 miles before I came to a slope that was covered with a combination of sand and rocks, and was nearly upside down it was so steep. So I decided to try to walk it. Unfortunately by this time my legs were approximately the consistency of warm rubber. I could hardly stand. But somehow I forged forward and made it up the hill. I even got my bike up there with me.

I finished the last 387 miles on the bike since it wasn’t quite as steep. I finally got to go down a gentle slope (it was much steeper on the way up) only to land in the most massive sand pit yet. I nearly ran into a forest of thistles, but stopped in the nick of time.

I dragged myself the last 3 miles to flop in the truck and ride back like an abused rag doll. I dreamt of waffles the whole way. They would be heavenly, with buttermilk and homemade chokecherry syrup. It’s one of the most amazing breakfasts in the world. Who cares that it was 1:30 pm by the time we got home?

And they were amazing and delicious. And I’ll dream of them for years.

The bad part was that my parents made me cook them in my state of soft, pliable rubber. Possibly by that point I was the consistency of Jello.

Thursday, September 9

Cheating

When I am in the mountains I like to sleep outside. I usually sleep on the porch at the family cabin, but when it is occupied I have taken to sleeping in a cot near the campfire.

This works quite well, except on the nights we have campfires. Then the drunken boys hang out there until the wee hours of the morning playing with fire. Then they spend 38 minutes asking me if I’m sure I don’t need any more wood for the night.

All I really want is for them to go to bed. And I’m very tempted to point out to them that I did just fine last night, with no fire at all!

But it probably wouldn’t sink in. They’re drunk, after all.

Today’s Exploit:

While in the mountains I went for a hike to the almost top of Kennedy Peak. I went with most of the other kids. (The definition of Kid, in this case, means under 50, Ok, ok. Probably 35)

Anyway, the kids asked the adults how far the trip from the cabin to Kennedy Peak would be.

Parents: Probably .75 miles from the bridge to the turnoff, then another 3 to the peak. It’s about a 5 mile trip from here.

Kids: We’ll drive to the turnoff and hike from there.

Parents: Ok, we’ll see you later.

So the kids drive off into the sunset.

It was more along the lines of 3 miles from the bridge to the turnoff, and the sign said another 6 to the peak. So we decided to drive a bit further. No one thought to look at the odometer. So we stopped when we guessed we’d gone 3 miles. Eric parked the truck, we all piled out and strapped water to Brian’s pack and headed off toward the peak.

A good long while later Larry cruised buy on a four wheeler. He went to the peak and on the way back tracked the mileage. We had 2.9 miles to go. Then he went back to the truck to see how far we’d come. He came back and announced that the truck was 3.7 miles from the peak.

Everyone was a bit disgruntled about that. We’d been walking for hours! Ok, maybe 38 minutes.

After a few more dust showers as Larry drove by showing off, or playing, he told us we could cut off about half a mile by getting off the road and climbing straight up the mountain. So we did. We cheated. We blithely struck off into the little bit of scrub clinging to the side of the mountain thinking we’d make it to the top in no time flat.

Eric and Lindsay and Brian had no problem jumping up the hill like Billy goats. Elissa and I have been residing at lower elevations, and had a bit more trouble.

And then came the wind.

Over the course of about 10 steps the wind felt as though it had tripled in ferocity. At that point I wanted to put my sweatshirt on, but was afraid to untie it from my waist. I thought I’d never see it again. The wind would take it to Timbuktu before I even registered it was no longer in my grasp.

I also was afraid of moving too quickly, less the wind grab me and through me down the steep mountain we’d just climbed. I’d probably end up in Timbuktu as well.

We decided that the wind was too much, and didn’t make it to the top of the peak, and didn’t get to see the fire lookout. But we did make it back to the road without anyone flying away. So we thought it was a successful trip.

PS Dad: Tonight you should make Beer-braised Beef with Onions.

Wednesday, September 8

Squishing My Squishy

My sister likes to tease my mom about things she used to say when we were fighting. So now she randomly spouts off things like: What did I tell you? It’s her current favorite, along with the word obscene. She uses it to describe pretty much anything. Mostly it’s pretty funny, but sometimes it takes me a while to process.

Today’s Exploit:

While at my last rig I was chased out of my box by another MWD watching stupid, appalling reality shows on TV. So I went to the rig floor to harass the hands. They were very good natured about it and talked to me.

They made me laugh lots, and told me about what they do on their time off. One of them builds computers from scratch: much smarter than me=what in the world are you doing in the OIL FIELD? One of them plays 7 instruments and entertains at clubs and sells “beats” to famous people: very talented=what in the world are you doing in the OIL FIELD?

Also they like to tease each other. Chris told me that Joseph acts tough but is really squishy inside.

Joseph: Yes, you know those stress balls? The blue and green globe ones?

Me: Yes.

Joseph: Well that’s what I have inside.

Me: Oh.

Joseph: People get stress relief by squishing my squishy.

Chris and Me: look at each other and burst out laughing

Joseph: Wait, that sounded bad. I didn’t mean it that way…

Chris and Me: laughing harder

I spent the next 12.7 minutes laughing until I was crying because Joseph kept trying to explain and making his story even more hilarious.

PS Dad: You should make Chicken Enchiladas for dinner. Just getting a head start here.

PPS: I wanted to call this post Squishy, but it turns out I already named one that. I am a little overwhelmed by this

Tuesday, September 7

I was a Bridge Troll

On my holiday I got to go play in the mountains near my home. We spent most of the time laughing at one of our family friends, Eric. Eric does not need anyone to respond to any thing he says. He just goes on and on. And everyone else is unable to respond because they’re laughing so hard. Some of my favorite quotes this trip:

[PJ], it does my heart good to see you up here [at the cabin].

I know it wasn’t your finger, because it fit all the way in! after receiving a wet willie.

Here Lindsay, hold this for me. giving his wife a poker for the fire, soot side up.

Leave me alone; can’t you see I’m sleeping? sitting on a stump near the camp fire.

Today’s Exploit:

Also on this trip I helped build a bridge. The old bridge was pretty amazing and we built it with a bobcat skid steer and six people. But the creed flooded this spring and washed the bridge away. My dad found it about fifty feet downstream, stuck in the willows.

So we took it apart, and pulled the pieces out and put it back. This time we had a skid steer, an excavator and more people than I want to count. Although many of the people were just there to watch, or hunt small animals with a bb gun.

                      Some peole and some machinery                                                                          Some more people

Last time I was the one standing in the freezing, glacial melt, water handing things back and forth, and rearranging the chain so that bobcat could pull the stringers across. This time I stood in the water, but they also let me hammer some nails, and one piece of rebar in the shoring. But my main job was straitening bent nails so that we could reuse them; we were a little short on hardware.

That's my one piece of rebar!


I also cut down a tree. It was really hard. The tree did not want to move and I am now a wimp after sitting at a computer for two years.

But the best part of building a bridge was getting to be the first bridge troll.












              RAWR! this is my bridge!                       
    





And then I did a cartwheel.


The end.

Google Analytics Alternative