Follow Up: The Mountain

I have spent the last day an a half laughing hysterically at the divine comments Dana makes on this blog.

Today’s Exploit:

Follow up.  

The state of my poor car is not particularly impressive until you see the pile that I managed to cram into such a small space.

Let's pretend, for a moment, that the table represents the pieces I hid in my closet.

This was all in a CIVIC.
It makes me cringe to remember how many times I climbed into the trunk to get all this to fit.

My Amazing Work of Art: The Molehill

We have a cold front today.  The high is only 68*F.  The low is 42*F.  

Sadly it will be back into the 80s in about 4.2 days.

PS Happy All Hallows’ Eve and Happy Birthday to my cousin, Aly.

Today’s Exploit:

My masterpiece:

My back seat is overflowing, but I can still see my blind spot.  I'm just trying to be a safe driver.

Not so much out the rearview...

Packing a Mountain into a Molehill

I’ve been a slacker lately.  

Also, I’ve been too busy to find something funny to write about.  And when I’m not too busy I fall asleep in my chair.

Today’s Exploit:

I went to Oklahoma City one last time.

I had to pack the last few items I left at that apartment and clean the floors and make sure none of the counters had egg yolk cemented to them.

Just kidding.  I’m good at cleaning up the egg yolk before it turns into cement.  Mostly I had to pack and vacuum.  

First I pulled everything from the rooms into the living room.  

Then I covered my eyes and went to find my vacuum so that I could procrastinate the packing part.  

I vacuumed the two bedrooms and the kitchen and the dining room.  

I took a load of things to the Salvation Army while Starla was still empty and went to the store for lunch and Swiffer scrubbies for my kitchen and bathrooms.

After I had lunch sitting on the newly cleaned dining room floor, while shielding my eyes from the pile that was in the living area, I got out the scrubbies and made those floors squeaky clean.  

I was still trying to avoid the hill in the living room, so I borrowed a dolly from the office and took my desk to the dumpster.  I got there just as a nice man was driving by looking for salvageable items.  He liked the desk, so I helped him pack it into his truck.  

When I took the dolly back to the office, I also took a toy dolly for the office manager’s daughters.  Because it hadn’t been out of it’s box in at least 9.72 years.  

Then the only thing left to do was face the mountain.  

I went back inside and nearly cried.  

Then I decided to be tough and take even more stuff to the Salvation Army.  Cause I drive a Civic.  Only so much junk will fit...

The Salvation Army guy was really excited about the vacuum.  

After that I went back, took a deep breath, and started toting stuff down to Starla.  

It was super-engineering to organize all that stuff to fit economically into a small space.  

It was a work of art.

I couldn’t see out the back window.

BUT I DID IT!  

And then I turned in some keys.

Silence Would Be Devine

I almost had to adopt the poor starving dog.  She followed me around for the rest of the time I was in town.  I bet she’d have gotten in my car if I gave her half a chance.

Today’s Exploit:

I’m ready for a break.  

I want my own bed.

And silence.

No buzzing, no roaring, no clanging, no yappy trailer-mates.

Just silence.  

And I want to make caramel on my new stove.

Instead I get to make the trip to Oklahoma one more time.  To clean and to get my Kitchen-Aid.  I also need to get my hangers and my toolbox.  

Then I’ll be able to put my table and my futon together.  

And I’ll sit in the silence in my new living room basking in the light that comes in.

For dinner I’ll eat at my dining table, contemplating my new cubby-shelves, and enjoying the quiet.  

Searching for Boxes

My friend Kevin finally got his stolen truck back.  He says he’s never going to Oklahoma again.  Except next month to help me move.  

Today’s Exploit:

I got boxes today.  Some plastic ones to save my pillows and blankets, the ones that I’m not willing to sacrifice for the safety of my table and chairs and futon and bed.  I believe those will be protected by my fire sheets and 400 year old towels.  

I was going to get some cardboard boxes, but it was not a delivery day at Target.  So they told me to come back on Monday, Tuesday, Thursday or Saturday.  Naturally I would manage to go on the day they didn’t get one.  

The guy I asked was very helpful.  After he told me what days to come back he followed me out of the store and suggested I go to the liquor stores or bookstores for boxes.  But I should make sure I call ahead to have them held for me.  

Good advice for a Sunday afternoon.  

Surviving the Monsoon

Yesterday a roughneck asked me if I was on a diet, because I looked skinnier.  

How can they tell these things when I wear a monkey suit that could almost fit 2 of me?  

Today’s Exploit:

After my trip, I cut Myrtle back to 3.2 little-bitty sprigs of green.  I checked on her all the time and fussed like a mother hen.  My poor chickies were jealous, but they’re tough.  They’re still alive, right?

She was hanging in there, maybe getting a smidgen bigger.  And I was relieved.  I finally started to relax a bit when the storm came.  

It was a Thursday night, I was getting ready to go dancing when it started sprinkling.  It was nice.  It’s been dry for ages.  So I mostly ignored the fact that it was raining and went to the studio, where everyone complained that I didn’t bake anything.  Spoiled brats.

While we danced it rained more.  Someone noticed that a real storm with lightening and thunder had begun; they opened the blinds so that we could see.  

The next time I danced around it was POURING and gushing and there was water everywhere.  

I’d forgotten about Myrtle and the chickies.  

I went home in the rain and got drenched when I ran into the supermarket for a snack.  After watching the lightening for a while I went to bed listening to the thunder crack.  

I’ve missed real thunder storms, with lots of rain and big booms and flashes that make you glow if you don’t look away.

The next morning was sunny again.  I went outside to soak up the rainy smell and wake up.

And there was Myrtle. 

Drowning.

She had 2.72 inches of water above the dirt level in her pot.  I tipped her a bit so that the water in the base could run out.  It didn’t help.  So I, very carefully, tipped her so that the water in the top could drain some. 

Then I put her in the sun to dry out a bit.  

But the sun was still soggy from all the rain.

And then I got the call.  I had to go to a rig.  10.62 hours of driving.  Poor Myrtle.

We got to the rig and I stuck her in a nice window, but the box is rather cool and doesn’t have much air-flow.  

She was soggy for another 7.3 days.  

But she made it.

That Myrtle’s one tough cookie, I mean mint.

Supermaaan! Whoops, Supertuurrrrtttllleeee!

I just finished week 7.  Wahoo.  

While I was dancing one of the guys asked me what I do.  

Me:  I work on oil rigs

Him:  I thought you looked like you had strong shoulders.

Actually it’s the P90x, but thank you.

Today’s Exploit:

At the zoo, our almost-very-last stop was to see the tortoises.  I am amazed at tortoises.  They’re so huge.  And lumbering, and huge and green.

Also, the flamingos were in the same enclosure, quacking at us.

But this turtle.  He knew how to live right.  He ignored the others drawing attention in the corner, and the ones curled up together by the fence.  

He was superman.  Tanning, no flying.  Yeah.  It must have been a pretty amazing dream.

A kindred spirit for Cupcake.  She did that a lot while she visited me.  I cooked while she baked herself to a crisp.

But I sometimes sleep like this, too.  When I forget to turn the AC down, or when I’m at the rig where the AC is turned to full-blast-freeze-your-toes-off during the day and to bake-at-350 at night.  Seems counterintuitive to me.  It also means that I don’t sleep much.  And the sleep I get is spent like this, with weird dreams.

It Made Blinking Really Awkward

I’m being lazy again.  I’d rather make Banana Bread than write stories.  

But I’ll have some new ones soon.  Hopefully

Today’s Exploit:

Today I went to the eye doctor to get a new prescription for contacts.  

It was the first time the doctor ever did anything besides make me read the letters on the mirror (I examined the source of the letters, the projector.  They have it bouncing all over the place before it gets to the mirror that you’re supposed to read it from) and go through the torture of having puffs of air directed at your eye.  They always get irritated with me because I can’t keep from blinking when they do that.  

She gave me some eye drops that were supposed to numb my eyes for 5 minutes.  Then she stuck this glowing stick into my eye.  It made my vision go all rippley.  

The doctor turned to write down the information that the glowing stick had gathered.  That was when I noticed that the eyedrops had made my tear ducts feel swollen.  Rather like having Novocain in my mouth.  They felt so swollen it was awkward to blink.  

I waited the requisite 5 minutes.  

Nothing changed.  My eyes still felt funny.  And they were RED.  As red as that time that I had a wacky hay-fever reaction and my face swelled up.

I went through the sample-contacts procedure, and I paid twice because the girl messed up her addition.  Then I asked for all the information on a card and the girl decided I also needed some contact solution and a bag for all my treasures.

My tear ducts still felt the size of marbles.  

The Novocain feeling lasted for about an hour.  It was a very long hour.  

The “Duck” Boat Ride

I played frisbee last night.  Does that make up for not doing plyometrics?  I think it hurt worse than the plyomentrics.  I am sore from my shoulder blades to my heels.  And I have to do pull ups today.  Ouchie.  

By the way, this is week 6!

Also, last night there were some dogs at frisbee.  One wanted to chase the frisbee the entire time, one licked the sweat off anyone who would stand still long enough, and one ran laps around the field the whole 2 hours.  

Today’s Exploit:

We were sitting in the Devon Roughneck Pavilion watching the geese and ducks and kids chasing them when we noticed the pedal boats.  They were great big swans.  Gigantic.  

For as big as this thing was it didn't cast much of a shadow.

One of us commented on them, then we promptly forgot.  We were distracted by the too-sweet lemonade and the cotton candy.  We each had as much as we wanted.  The Cupcake put it away to take on the plane with her.

After a few minutes she decided she wanted a picture with her cotton candy, for posterity or something.  

She took a huge bite, like she was eating a chicken leg.  And I took a picture.  Then I started recording her as she attacked the fluff as though she’d been starving for years.  It was hilarious and rather disturbing, considering how terrible cotton candy actually tastes.  

After that she decided we had to get tickets for the pedal boats.  Probably because she just ate half a ball of sugar fluff.  So we got one.  And they only let us play within a very small perimeter, but it was enough and our “duck”, as Cupcake kept calling it, didn’t like to turn left. 

We could really spin those circles to the right. 

We went forward and backward and in circles.  We tried to play chicken with other “ducks”, but they were all to chicken.  

We stayed out there the full 30 minutes.  Actually we were out for 32 minutes, but no one complained.  Then Cupcake talked the kid helping people out of the boats to take a picture.  

And then we went home so she could pack.  

The End.

Cupcake and the Statues

I find new fun things on my computer nearly every time I use it.  I think I might have to try out the business card template today.

Also, I’m going to play Ultimate today.  I’m so excited.  I haven’t played in ages!

Today’s Exploit:

The other day, Cupcake’s last day here, we went to the zoo.  

We saw a baby elephant.  It was only 1 month old.  

"I love you mama"

And a baby chimp playing and showing off for a small crowd.  And baby ducks and geese.

Just so you know, I'm about to fall off this platform.  That's why I'm embarrassed

Turns out the baby ducks and geese are the most rare at the zoo because the catfish eat them.  Yikes.

And Cupcake had to have her photo taken with all of the animal statues we found.

She didn't even cringe at the bird sculputres

Yee haw?

I have a whole lot of these pictures.  With lions and tigers and bears.  

And elephants and giraffes and turtles.  And monkeys.  I think her favorite part of the day, besides learning that flamingos quack like ducks, was posing with the statues.  

And maybe attacking her cotton candy.  But I think I’ll tell that story another day.

Rainy Day Crumpets

I’m back!

I was going to be good and write more posts before I went to Washington to see Eli and Cavan, but Betty-Sue broke.  She got a really bad virus and the IT people had to keep her for a week to make her healthy again.  

Today’s Exploit:

My sister is here to visit.  And get into shape for fire season.  She wanted to spend days running and laying in the sun.  

So, naturally, it has been cloudy and rainy most of the time.  And she’s hurt.  

Therefore she is currently wrapped in a blanket, reading on my futon out on the porch and waiting for the crumpets to rise.  Because it is still far warmer here than in Wyoming.  I heard it was supposed to snow all week there.

She was being overly attentive to the yeast, so I told her to leave it alone.  She took that as an instruction to read her book.

Decoding the Dance Instructions

I just ate half a bag of carrots; I think my skin is turning orange. And my hair will probably be green soon.

Today’s Exploit:

In April I am supposed to be performing at Showcase. That is a fancy name for a dance recital. My song is picked out and my dance is all choreographed. Now I just need to keep it all straight in my head during the time I’m at work. This may be difficult considering I can’t understand the notes, no one here knows how to Tango, and I can’t dance in steel-toed boots. Even pink ones.

I’ve tried. Also, this is what the notes look like:

Tango – Por Una Cabeza

1. Lean in
2. Send out
3. Step .5 step
4. Step .5 pivot
5. Step .5 step
6. Step .5 pivot
7. Walk to cortè
8. Contra to link
9. Promenade to lunge
10.
11. Double cruise
12. Walk backs to link
13. Promenade to link
14.
15. Promenade to send out
16. Lean to
___________
Kick, Flick & Drop

This is what Shawn wrote. I have no idea what it means, and I’m terrible at remembering the names of the moves. Also this is only a third of the song. The rest is worse.

Hopefully that week before the performance will be enough to re-learn the whole thing.

I might need an understudy. If you know what this stuff means please come take my place. ‘Cause I’m scared. I need my blankie and teddy.

Or maybe my orange mixing bowl. That would probably work.

Springtime!

Tonight I took pizza and Rice Krispy Treats to dance. The pizza was gone before I got my shoes on, but only 4 pieces of the rice krispys were gone.

I may have to change tactics for future dances.

Today’s Exploit:

I saw this tree today.

Aww, pretty.

I also saw it about a year ago, encased in a quarter inch of ice.

Brr. Can I have these times back?  It's already summer here.

A Bit of a Shock

Firehouses have circular stairways because the engines were at a time pulled by horses. The horses were stabled on the ground floor, and figured out how to walk up straight staircases.

-Found here

Today’s Exploit:

A while ago, before my holiday, when I was home I took some cupcakes to the dance studio. This is not an un-common occurrence. I take something nearly every day I dance. This day, however, was the day that one of the instructors told me I should open a bakery. And he would back me.

I was rather stunned by that.

As in mouth-open-unable-to-speak-making-unintelligible noises stunned.

He also told me he would find a place and help me equip it. Amazing.

I gurgled a little bit.

He said, “No, really! I want to be a silent partner.”

I may have drooled.

Then he said we should talk the next time I’m in town.

And I went to dance with Shawn. I don’t think I was able to speak for my entire lesson.

Night on the Town

I was going to be productive last night, and churn out a few posts for the next couple days because I have some really juicy stories.

But then Procrastination happened.

And then the Job happened. And my good intentions went to the seventh circle of hell in a fast car. Probably a convertible. Or at least a sun roof.

But I will be good tonight. At least for one post.

Today’s Exploit:

When I finally got home after my school, and after all the chores were done, like paying bills and renewing my lease and getting my Oklahoma driver’s license (boo), I finally ventured out of my flat and went to a bar. I went to one that I knew would have dancing. And it was kinda fun.

Naturally along the way I met some strange people. And some creepers. Gross.

Dance partner #1: The first guy I danced with was an older gentleman who I’d seen dancing with about three other people before he asked me. He was very good, and happy to be there. He told me stories about when he first started going to this bar, how different it was. And he told me about riding on “Gators” where he lives.

Dance partner #2: The next guy was not as experienced a dancer and he spent the whole time counting. Not out loud, but he had to move his lips to keep track of the beat. He later forced me to learn a line dance.

I have discovered that most line dances are quite boring. They do the same 4 movements over and over again for the entire 4 minutes and 38 seconds of the song. And at this bar they did 3 line dances. The one I learned they ended up doing 28 times, I watched 27. I’m amazed at how excited people are to do these dances, over and over and over again. I was bored before the first song ended.

Dance partner #3: This guy thought he was the gods’ gift to women. The first thing he told me while we were dancing was”

“I’m pretty good, I’ve been dancing since I was 12.”

Turns out I’m better than him and I’ve done this dance a grand total of 32 times.

I danced with this guy a couple times, and after every dance he’d touch my shoulder or my side, or stand WAY too close. I wanted to yell at him: I’M HERE TO DANCE, NOT BE YOUR ONE NIGHT STAND, SICKO!

But I was nice and just stepped away.

Dance partner #4: This kid was crazy. He was a very enthusiastic dancer. This nearly resulted in a few pulled muscles and finding myself upside down on more than one occasion.

He liked to do stunts, but wouldn’t tell me before he did them. So I was upside down flailing, and trying to find my feet so I wouldn’t land on my head.

He also knew nearly everyone at the bar, and would randomly stop to talk to them. I’d be left to make my way out of the crush of people in the middle of the song.

Driver Training Facility

Today’s inspired Haiku. The inspiration was a stalled car. Hers.

my car will not start
he’s being a big bitch
i want some french fries.
-Cupcake

Today’s Exploit:

Yesterday.

Yesterday was long.

It was one of THOSE days. The ones where you really want to strangle the stupid driver training guy. But end up screaming in your car and crying to the first person who’s sympathetic.

Yep. It was fun.

The scenario:

Have an expired drivers’ license, and only one day (2 hours) home to renew it

Be exhausted from working all night rigging equipment down and packing it into a box that is 4.62 inches too small.

Drive all day so that you can sleep in your OWN bed, arrive at your flat at 3:30 pm.

Call the driver training facility for their hours.

Call the Red Wing shoe store for their hours; you need new ones since you lost one of your other pair.

Arrange a dance lesson for 5:00 pm.

Get the mail.

Pay your rent. (tomorrow morning you’ll realize that you need to pay two months’ rent because school will last through the next due date)

Ask for a package that they didn’t notify you about. (They assume the slip saying to go to the Post Office is the notification. )

Be frustrated because you think it’s Saturday and the Post Office is already closed for the week. Also note that the piece of mail you are to pick up is certified and will be sent back after 15 days. Resolve to call the sending party.

Decide that the driver training facility to renew your driver’s license. (lose the last remaining tie to being anything other than an “Oklahoman”. This in itself is enough to make you cry.)

Drive to the facility. (This is much more difficult than it sounds. It entails driving through city traffic, aka rush hour. Then Timmy, the GPS, tells you to go the wrong way. Then you drive around a block 4.72 times because the building has no sign. Also, reaffirm that people from Oklahoma really don’t know how to drive. Or if they do they’re just jerks. Stop and talk to the guy at the cell phone place for directions. Drive around the block again looking for the cop cars now that you know it’s an HP office, as well.)

When you arrive there will be a line of 15 year olds toting all 36 members of their extended family, plus their older brother’s girlfriend’s family, extending out the door and around the corner. (Probably there were only 3 or 4 teenagers, but a total of 150 people were there)

Stand in line for 28 minutes before the driver training guy asks what you are there for:

Guy: What do you need?

Me: I need to renew my license.

Guy: Just renewed?

Me: My current one is from out of state, and it’s expired.

Guy: Out of state, really?

Me: Yes.

Guy: Let me see it.

Me: Show it.

Guy: Yep, it’s expired*. You’ll have to come back Monday to take the written test, and a driving test. We’re not accepting any more numbers tonight. Also you need your birth certificate or a Passport.

(They’re open for another half hour)

Me: I have to do both?

Guy: Yep try coming back Monday after 7:00.

*Thanks buddy, I wasn’t entirely sure about that.

So, you leave, get in y car, buckle my seat belt and scream. Then drive away from the driver training facility/Highway Patrol office knowing that they know that you know that your license has expired.

Call your mother to yell about it some more, but she’s probably not the best choice because she’s way too sympathetic. Instead of screaming you end up crying, while driving in rush hour traffic, in this stupid city, with an expired license. I hate crying.

Now be worried that you’ll miss your dance lesson because the traffic is so dumb.

The day did have a few small redeeming factors.

1. I got a birthday card from my sister.
2. I got a box of MRE pairs from my sister.
3. I got my ‘real’ birthday gift from my parents.
4. Shawn made me laugh at dance.
5. I got to sleep in my bed, the new one.

The end.

PS Dad: No inspiration today, sorry.

Short Attention Span

It would be the day that I decide to start eating healthy that they decide to feed me hamburgers with bacon and guacamole and rice with sausage and cornbread. Thanks for the help, guys.

Today’s Exploit:

I have discovered an artsy store sorta like Hobby Lobby. The lady who told me about it said it was like Hobby Lobby times ten! Then later it was like Hobby Lobby on crack. Needless to say it’s a warehouse that feels the size of the Mall of America when you go inside.

Inside I found everything from luggage to medical scrubs to tableware to books and everything in between. It’s very overwhelming. Especially for a non-shopper. There’s stuff everywhere (sorry Mr. P, I couldn’t help myself) and the place is ginormous.

I went looking for a cheap desk that I could fix to match my flat. And I was able to find the stools I have been lusting after, almost, mostly, they work.

And some glass jars for my baking collection. And some glasses for my glass cabinet.

So I decided to rearrange my entire flat. Probably not something I should embark on the night (7pm) before going to work early (6am).

First I decided to rearrange my kitchen so that my baking stuff is where I actually bake. So I moved some bowls and plates.

Then I remembered that I’d wanted to vacuum before I left. After vacuuming I remembered that I had to wash some dishes. After getting the dishes washed and stacked by their new cupboard I took the trash out. On the way back in I was sidetracked into moving my futon. I folded a stray blanket and returned it to my bedroom, where I moved the bookshelves.

 

I remembered I’d wanted to put my old trunk in my bedroom, so I went to the living room. There I discovered that I could not get to the trunk without first moving my club chair. At this point I remembered I was rearranging the kitchen. I moved some spices and all my glass jars to my bar. I then realized that I had new jars to fill, but first they needed cleaned and the stickers removed. I decided to do the same with my new glasses while I was at it

 

While they were soaking I put old glasses in packing paper to put away. I was on the floor rolling them up when I noticed my new apron. I’d gotten a new set of hooks to hang my growing collection on, so I got out my tape measure and my itty bitty level.

Next I went back to the jars and glasses. I found the one for my cupcake wrappers. So of course I had to open all the packages and arrange them nicely in the jar. Everyone should have a special jar for cupcake wrappers. All the cool kids are doing it.

Eventually I was able to get myself back on track and all three rooms were finished at the same time. Unfortunately it took me most of the night, before a job, to get it done. I’m pleased with the results, I think. Let me check the photos so that I can remember what it looks like.

PS Dad: Today you should make Chicken Pot Pie.

Mattress Adventure

I went through some boxes, at my parents’ house, of things saved for me. They had saved some things from when I was younger and some of my grandparents’ things that they thought I might want. Among the items were an ice cream maker, an American Girls doll, a woven blanket and a wooden plate with a hummingbird painting. Most of the stuff I understand, but the plate? And the blanket? I’m not sure why they ended up in my box.

I also went through some boxes that were for my sister, looking for a particular piano book that is still unaccounted for. In her box I found a book that I had requested. I was a little huffy, and took the book. I got it home to my Oklahoma flat and discovered that she had somehow found another copy of the same book. Now I have two copies, and I feel rather sheepish for taking her book.

Today’s Exploit:

Today I went furniture shopping. My main goal was a mattress. Mine is about as heavy as a large elephant, and it is older than my sister. This equates to way too many years of use, considering all the commercials I’ve heard lately suggest maybe eight years.

I looked at a couple styles at the first store I went to, and was rather shocked by some prices. They were a teensy bit more than I expected. I sat on some beds and wandered around the other sections of the store trying to avoid both crowds and the overzealous sales people that mob me when I enter. They somehow never seem to understand that I’m more likely to spend money if they give me some space.

Finally I gave up and went to another store hoping for fewer customers. I was lucky and told the very chatty salesperson that I was looking for mattresses. She took me to them and told me about a few between telling me about her shoes, the weather, having a tall family and calling me Miss Lady. She called me Miss Lady even after I told her my name. She was funny. She spent most of the time telling me that I am not short.

I ordered my favorite mattress to be delivered tomorrow morning. Then I went shopping for new sheets for my new mattress. I made my selection and got home very excited for the morning. I walked into my flat and realized that it is a disaster and must be cleaned before the mattress delivery people arrive.

This proceeded to entail cleaning, moving furniture and organizing all of my rooms. In the process I began looking for a painting. And a photograph. I have looked on every surface and gone through every box several times but they are nowhere to be found.

I’m beginning to think that someone broke in while I was on holiday to steal these two items. Everything else I own has been accounted for in this process. I am miffed about where the two pieces could be. I know I saw them several times each day I was home before my holiday.

I also just realized that I still have a large pile of junk near my door that must be dealt with sometime soon.

Please send me positive wishes that I did not throw my painting in a dumpster inadvertently!

PS Dad: Tonight you should make Ground Beef Gyros