It Will Probably Be My Own

The countdown has started.  We have to be off this location in 10 days or less.  

I’m jumping with joy.

Today’s Exploit:

A few days ago we had a big wind storm.  It came rolling over the horizon 32.4 minutes before it hit us.  I watched as it progressed, sitting outside in the ridiculous heat of a Texas fall.  

Incredibly, when it hit the temperature immediately dropped 11.72 degrees and it almost felt like fall.

Anyway, a result of this storm was the satellite dish moving.  Now that it’s not perfectly aligned it looks as though the TV is having a seizure.  The screen pixelates and the sound blips on and off with an irritating squeak.  

I’m not too worried about the video quality, but the sound drives me up the wall.  No one else seems to care that every 1.83 seconds the sound screeches on or off.  They sit and stare vacantly at the colorful blur, or go on with their normal conversations and arguments.  

I, on the other hand, am ready to tear someone’s hair out listening to the constant cheeping.

How does that not drive them to club the screen and/or receiver with the nearest blunt object?  After 46 seconds of this I’m ready to drop-kick both across the location.

Follow Up: The Mountain

I have spent the last day an a half laughing hysterically at the divine comments Dana makes on this blog.

Today’s Exploit:

Follow up.  

The state of my poor car is not particularly impressive until you see the pile that I managed to cram into such a small space.

Let's pretend, for a moment, that the table represents the pieces I hid in my closet.

This was all in a CIVIC.
It makes me cringe to remember how many times I climbed into the trunk to get all this to fit.

Packing a Mountain into a Molehill

I’ve been a slacker lately.  

Also, I’ve been too busy to find something funny to write about.  And when I’m not too busy I fall asleep in my chair.

Today’s Exploit:

I went to Oklahoma City one last time.

I had to pack the last few items I left at that apartment and clean the floors and make sure none of the counters had egg yolk cemented to them.

Just kidding.  I’m good at cleaning up the egg yolk before it turns into cement.  Mostly I had to pack and vacuum.  

First I pulled everything from the rooms into the living room.  

Then I covered my eyes and went to find my vacuum so that I could procrastinate the packing part.  

I vacuumed the two bedrooms and the kitchen and the dining room.  

I took a load of things to the Salvation Army while Starla was still empty and went to the store for lunch and Swiffer scrubbies for my kitchen and bathrooms.

After I had lunch sitting on the newly cleaned dining room floor, while shielding my eyes from the pile that was in the living area, I got out the scrubbies and made those floors squeaky clean.  

I was still trying to avoid the hill in the living room, so I borrowed a dolly from the office and took my desk to the dumpster.  I got there just as a nice man was driving by looking for salvageable items.  He liked the desk, so I helped him pack it into his truck.  

When I took the dolly back to the office, I also took a toy dolly for the office manager’s daughters.  Because it hadn’t been out of it’s box in at least 9.72 years.  

Then the only thing left to do was face the mountain.  

I went back inside and nearly cried.  

Then I decided to be tough and take even more stuff to the Salvation Army.  Cause I drive a Civic.  Only so much junk will fit...

The Salvation Army guy was really excited about the vacuum.  

After that I went back, took a deep breath, and started toting stuff down to Starla.  

It was super-engineering to organize all that stuff to fit economically into a small space.  

It was a work of art.

I couldn’t see out the back window.

BUT I DID IT!  

And then I turned in some keys.

Please Don’t Call Me That, I’m Not That Old

I’m so proud of myself. I just made a menu and grocery list for an entire week! That has never happened before in my life.

Unless you count planning for Thanksgiving as planning for a week. It makes enough food for a week.

Today’s Exploit:

Have I ever mentioned that I hate being called Ma’am?

Well I do.

And I can’t get away from it.

Everyone and their dog says Ma’am automatically here.

I can handle Darlin’ and even don’t hate Baby-doll, but Ma’am…

When I first started working here it made me still want to jump out of a tall, tall window. Since it happens 48 million times a day, I’ve learned to tolerate it. To the point that I only grit my teeth. Every so often I try to ask the rig hands not to Ma’am me. It goes something like this:

Them: …, Ma’am.

Me: Please don’t call me Ma’am.

Them: Yes, Ma’am

Me: BIG sigh.

It’s on my hate list right below the heat. And just above the 60 mph wind when I try to play Ultimate Frisbee.

Favorites

I met some new dogs this week.

One ran to me and sat on my feet and wiggled with a desperate need to be even closer to me. I ended up squashed against the wall because he was wiggling so vigorously.

The other sat in his car and barked incessangly at me while his person tried to give me directions to the local track, hushing him every third word.

Today’s Exploit:

I reorganized my blog favorites today. I have way too many. I even read most of them on a regular basis.

I have some others that I follow through my blog, too.

I should get orgainzed with them all together. And maybe do some spring cleaning?

Night Fright

Trivia:

In the United States, a pound of potato chips costs two hundred times more than a pound of potatoes.

Today’s Exploit:

The other night I woke panicked. I was sure I had slept through my alarm. Since I’ve been getting up at 3:30 am I’ve been going to bed around 8:00 pm. When I checked my watch it said 9:13. I was sure it was 9:13 am and I had overslept my alarm by nearly 6 hours.

I jumped out of bed wondering why Ken hadn’t gotten me up. I checked my phone. It said 9:15 pm. The PM didn’t register. I was sure that my phone was going crazy, that it broke overnight. Especially since I hadn’t heard the alarm.

I went to the door to look at the rig, to see if I could tell what was happening. I really hoped that something broke down and I didn’t miss anything, or make Ken do lots of work while I was lolling in bed.

It was dark out. Night dark.

Gradually it sank in that it really was 9:17 pm. I didn’t oversleep; in fact, I had only slept for 1.18 hours.

I got back in bed and stared at the ceiling while I tried to slow my heart rate enough to get back to sleep.

I woke 8.2 more times between 10 and 3:15 am (but it felt like 82), and then I gave up and made some tea.

Short Attention Span

It would be the day that I decide to start eating healthy that they decide to feed me hamburgers with bacon and guacamole and rice with sausage and cornbread. Thanks for the help, guys.

Today’s Exploit:

I have discovered an artsy store sorta like Hobby Lobby. The lady who told me about it said it was like Hobby Lobby times ten! Then later it was like Hobby Lobby on crack. Needless to say it’s a warehouse that feels the size of the Mall of America when you go inside.

Inside I found everything from luggage to medical scrubs to tableware to books and everything in between. It’s very overwhelming. Especially for a non-shopper. There’s stuff everywhere (sorry Mr. P, I couldn’t help myself) and the place is ginormous.

I went looking for a cheap desk that I could fix to match my flat. And I was able to find the stools I have been lusting after, almost, mostly, they work.

And some glass jars for my baking collection. And some glasses for my glass cabinet.

So I decided to rearrange my entire flat. Probably not something I should embark on the night (7pm) before going to work early (6am).

First I decided to rearrange my kitchen so that my baking stuff is where I actually bake. So I moved some bowls and plates.

Then I remembered that I’d wanted to vacuum before I left. After vacuuming I remembered that I had to wash some dishes. After getting the dishes washed and stacked by their new cupboard I took the trash out. On the way back in I was sidetracked into moving my futon. I folded a stray blanket and returned it to my bedroom, where I moved the bookshelves.

 

I remembered I’d wanted to put my old trunk in my bedroom, so I went to the living room. There I discovered that I could not get to the trunk without first moving my club chair. At this point I remembered I was rearranging the kitchen. I moved some spices and all my glass jars to my bar. I then realized that I had new jars to fill, but first they needed cleaned and the stickers removed. I decided to do the same with my new glasses while I was at it

 

While they were soaking I put old glasses in packing paper to put away. I was on the floor rolling them up when I noticed my new apron. I’d gotten a new set of hooks to hang my growing collection on, so I got out my tape measure and my itty bitty level.

Next I went back to the jars and glasses. I found the one for my cupcake wrappers. So of course I had to open all the packages and arrange them nicely in the jar. Everyone should have a special jar for cupcake wrappers. All the cool kids are doing it.

Eventually I was able to get myself back on track and all three rooms were finished at the same time. Unfortunately it took me most of the night, before a job, to get it done. I’m pleased with the results, I think. Let me check the photos so that I can remember what it looks like.

PS Dad: Today you should make Chicken Pot Pie.

No More Rain.

The first matter of importance today is that my toe hurts. Really bad. Almost going numb bad. And I can’t figure out why. It’s very frustrating.

The second is that my computer needs cleaned. The keys are getting…dusty. Yeah. They’re compiling a lot of dust

Today’s Exploit:

It rained today. I woke up to wind rattling the trailer, and lots of rain, and what could have been thunder (or maybe the forklift dropping some pipe racks). The wind was strong enough that it tore the TV dish off the trailer. The DD panicked a little until the repair guy came, he couldn’t watch his fishing shows.

I panicked too, but it was because last time I was in this crazy state it was under 28.2 inches of water. And I saw on the news that Corpus Christi, TX has LOTS of water. And I talked to my friend there and he said the last rig I was on is under water right now.

Starla, my car, doesn’t like swimming. She doesn’t even like wading. Every time I drive in heavy rain she protests and makes me get new belts. Or she throws a windshield wiper off so that I can’t see.

I don’t want more rain! Hear me? Stop raining until I can go home. Or at least to Oklahoma City. Then I can have a nice bed. And a nice kitchen, that’s fully stocked. And clean.

Although this one is now somewhat clean. I decided today that I’d had enough and cleaned the dishes, and washed the counters and cleaned out the silverware holder. Then I bleached everything. Now I can touch the counter without cringing and running to wash my hands.

PS Dad: Today you should make Tomato Basil Bruschetta.

Panic Attack

All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific. ~Jane Wagner, The Search For Intelligent Life In The Universe, performed by Lily Tomlin

Today’s Exploit:

I was sitting at my computer studying for my upcoming class when the directional driller called me.

DD: Hey! We have a cheeseburger up here with your name on it!

Me: Ok. (Translation: not interested)

DD: We also have some pipe tally.

Me: Alright, I’ll be up in a couple minutes.

Going to the rig floor usually qualifies as an adventure for me. Unless I am rigging up and have already made the trip 72 times. So I was expecting a fun little outing away from my trailer. I hardly even go outside since the office is in the trailer this time.

So I got my hardhat and my boots on and grabbed a piece of paper and a pencil. And I carted myself across location and up the stairs.

I opened the door to a full house. Everyone awake was up there. I think that equated to 32 ½ people. And the doghouse is not very big.

I made a beeline for the DD and the pipe tally with major tunnel vision. I jotted down the numbers as fast as I could, took the fast food bag they offered almost without noticing and raced out. That was way too many people that I didn’t know. I’m pretty sure I nearly had a panic attack.

I went up expecting the driller, the DD and maybe a floor hand. That would be only one person that I hadn’t talked to before.

I vaguely remember them teasing me about visiting sometime. And it’s rather humorous that I skedaddled as fast as I could after that. I’d forgotten how horrifying crowds are.  I was doing so well, not being shy and reclusive.  Until today.

PS Dad: Tonight you should make Individual Meatloaves.

My Shoebox

I love love love my mattress. It is amazing. And my new pillowcases are softer than baby Alpaca fur and smoother than Gelato. And my new blanket is not 485 degrees so I can sleep! You should try new bedding!

Today’s Exploit:

I arrived in the new trailer to find a bedroom the size of a shoebox. And I get to share it. I could, if I was so inclined, cuddle with the person I’m sharing a room with, without moving my bed. They tell me that it should only be for 8 days.

I also discovered that the bathroom next to the bedroom has not been cleaned in 4.73 years. The shower has a layer of tar that has accumulated from regular use by people in the oilfield. The toilet has not been cleaned in 1.89 years. Ew.

Luckily the trailer does have two bathrooms. The second one has only been neglected for 3 months. This is the one I will be using. After dosing it with much Clorox and Lysol, my two best friends when I travel.

I must be off to spray and scrub. Sweet dreams.

PS Dad: Tonight you should make Chicken and Artichokes in a White Wine Sauce. Hey! I left some artichokes just for this!

Olfactory Factory

Last night, er… today when I was asleep, I had a dream. It was a crazy dream and I was baffled by it. And I was going to remember to document it. But I forgot to remember. And now all I can remember is that I was really confused and that I wanted to remember it but I forgot.

Today’s Exploit:

For some reason, lately my olfactory senses have been in overdrive. This means that I’ve noticed many odd smells. For example, the smoking tent inexplicably smells like grapefruit. Grapefruit. And anywhere between my box and the rig smells like dead crickets. Because they like to die in the diesel tanks. Also the rig smells like stale urine because roughnecks are gross and urinate in the drains.

It also means that I would rather be anywhere than in my box when someone else is there. The past three days every person that has come into the box has smelled like a shower was 4.78 days overdue. But it’s only been the last three days. Did they all get together and decide not to shower. Some sort of water wasting strike.

I assure you, it is not wasting. You smell awful. If you’re that worried, take a sponge bath. Or, wear deodorant!

In other news: I get to take a holiday. And I get to play at the cabin. And probably freeze my feet off in the creek while building a bridge. Yay. At least, I’ll get to do this if my manager ever answers my emails and approves my holiday request. You should email him, and make him respond.

UPDATE: Even choking myself with Febreze does not mask the malignant odor. I think someone’s arm may be rotting behind one of the computers. This box is going to need a serious fumigation when it goes home.

I Saved the Day, Twice!

I went and explored the rig today. I watched the roughnecks fix a motor on one of the shakers, and I watched them clean the rig floor. I also decided to be really compulsive and clean out and organize our kit box and logging unit.

Today’s Exploit:

While I was cleaning and singing at the top of my lungs (because no one can hear me but Little Buddy, and she pretends she can’t) the motor man came in and asked me if I had tweezers. He had a lock with a key broken inside. I think he may be more compulsive than me, and in order for the world to be right he had to get the key out of the lock.

So I went and dug around in my car for a while. I discovered that I have three homemade first aid kits in there. I may have to consolidate. In the end I found my surgical tweezers by catching my finger on them. They are quite sharp. But I saved the day!

While I was watching the lock surgery another roughneck came in and told us about a bug bite he’d gotten. I understand it was from a grasshopper. He didn’t want to tell the company man because then he’d probably have to go see a doctor. Lucky for him in my searches for tweezers I’d seen some insect bite and sting relievers. So I went and dug around until I located them again. I saved the day, again!

Now I’m known as the local Jack-of-all-trades. So far I have Doctor, Baker, and MWD. But soon I’ll be able to add Motor-Repair-Person to that list. They have to fix another shaker motor and they’re going to let me play, as soon as it arrives on location.

A Discovery

Today a mosquito hawk died on my keyboard.  I was innocently reading the Pioneer Woman's cooking blog, when the insect fell from the sky and landed near my left pinky.  This is the first time I've seen one up-close.  I've saved a few from our box, but they've always been to active to inspect closely.  I inspected this one.  They remind me of the big metal aliens in the Fifth Element.  They have the bulbous eyes with the long tapered nose.  And they have a big hump right behind, like the 'shoulders' of the aliens.  That's about where the similarities end. 

See the resemblance? Photo from here

Having this monstrous bug drop, practically in my lap, made me curious to know more about them.  I've always heard that they eat mosquitoes; therefore they are good bugs and in the same category as spiders.  But I discovered that they don't.  The larvae eat roots, and the adults eat nectar (if they eat anything).  Talk about a big disappointment. 

PS In mentioning spiders, I've reminded myself that I grew up in a place where spiders are the good guys.  I may have to rethink that position now that I'm in the land of crazy/multitudinous/ginormous-creepy-crawly-things, that sometimes BITE and can be POISONOUS.

Today's Exploit:

I've not been getting much sleep the past few days.  I've had to stay up and build tools a couple days.  We went to breakfast one day, and then I came back and had insomnia (so I made cookies).  And today I decided to stay up and wait for the cleaning ladies. 

Our room hasn't been "cleaned" since I got to this rig.  That's almost 2 months.  Not that we're dirty, but I haven't been cleaning the shower like I do the sink and toilet. 

So to wait I went running.  Five miles today.  And I made enormous Buttermilk Biscuits for the rig crew.  And I talked to the aforementioned rig crew for about an hour.  Then I returned to the trailer.

The shower was still a disaster, but they had moved all my laundry (strategically placed to deter the making of my bed) and made the bed.  Aaarrrgh.  Not too bad, but they'd also washed my sheets.  I mean, I appreciate the effort, but I'm PICKY!  Eczema sucks, and I'm afraid other people's detergent will aggravate it.  The worst part was that they were still there and I couldn't remedy the situation IMMEDIATELY. 

So I went into town to buy groceries.  I want to make Rice Crispy Treats, and a flourless Chocolate Cake.  (I'll try to post these on PJ's Kitchen) 

When I got back I stuck my sheets in the washer, and got into the clean shower.  And then I tore all the bedding off the bed.  That was a very stress-relieving activity.  Then I put my sheets in the dryer.  By then it was 11:00.  So I gave up, wrapped myself in a blanket and fell asleep on a bare mattress. 

At 12:47 the phone went off.  But I'd just fallen asleep and was not in the proper state of mind to register anything more than the fact the phone was making noise.  I jumped out of bed, hit a button on the phone to make it stop and was in the bathroom, half way through my "morning" ablutions before I registered what had happened.  The phone rang, it was not the alarm. 

I fell back into bed and probably was asleep before I landed. 

Another PS  I am SO ready to leave this rig!

SLB Love

The day I got out here was a rough day, to say the least.  I couldn't sleep the night before, until abut 2:30 or so.  I had to leave my flat at 5:00.  I was supposed to be at the rig by 10:00.  It is a 6 hour drive, 7 if you hit traffic in Dallas. 

The crowning jewel of this day was the condition of the trailer when I arrived.  The floor was crusted with gunk.  The bathrooms were brown with gunk I'd rather not think about.  The kitchen was filled with food from 3 jobs ago and mice.  The four of us all pitched in and now it looks semi-serviceable.  Unfortunately, no one has remembered to get mousetraps so far.

Today's Exploit:

The only thing that was missed was the shelf below the coffee table:

Well, I would show you, but Hotmail won't let me view my emails where the picture is.  All I can say is

"Micah's SLB

written in the dust next to a Gatorade bottle half filled with tobacco spit.

PS. SLB=Schlumberger, the company I work for.

PS Again. This is the best Cake Wrecks post EVER!

Dirty Laundry

The other night I was feeling quite restless and had the munchies.  I was watching a movie, so I figured it would be ok to go get some chips or something from the store...I forgot about the storm.  Now, it had pretty much passed.  The streets were all slushy from people driving and tramped down from walking. 

I got my stuff together.  Put on my shoes, grabbed my bag and hit the stairs.  I got to my car and was a little perplexed.  It had a half inch of ice over THE ENTIRE THING!  I punched it a few times around the door frame like I had seen other people do, and that helped a little.  It wigged.  But I had to pull REALLY hard to make it wiggle, and I was scared of hurting poor Starla. 

I briefly considered walking, it's not very far.  Then I remembered Oklahoma City has no sidewalks.  And it's dark.  I'm all for running out in the boonies after dark.  I get warned about wild animals every time I step out the door.  But people at night are another story.  They're scary!

So, I decided to make use of this setback and do some laundry. 

Today's Exploit:

AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! I really need to get my own washer and dryer.  I mean, YUCK!

On the best of days this laundry room is not the cleanest.  I have seriously considered taking Lysol or Clorox wipes with me.  Now I believe I HAVE to. 

I'm a bit of a germ-o-phobe to begin with.  I will not let my clothing touch the rim of the washer or dryer, even if they're dirty.  And if anything touches the floor...straight back in the washer. 

The cleaner for this facility must not work if there's any precipitation on the ground because this was atrocious.  Enough to make even the strongest laundry-room-goer run screaming for the nearest mental help professional.