Fourth Month - December

The language of a society changes slowly but steadily with the result that an educated person will not be able to read or understand words in his language written 500 years ago.

Today’s Exploit:

Thanksmas was crazy. We did ugly sweaters this year, instead of mustaches and google eyes for the family picture. Honey was promoted back to driller, finally, and naturally they changed his schedule so that he missed all the fun/crazy.  

Baby Arlo decided that I am the favorite and took naps and snuggled with me only. Evidently she liked being kicked by her cousin while sleeping. 

We tried to get some good pictures of Baby at the body-scan sonogram, but it’s stubborn like Daddy and would only show arms and legs. I had to schedule another session because they needed brain pictures. 

Also, YaYa decided that she did actually want to know if Baby is a boy or girl. But I said no one gets to know since I don't want to, wahahahahah!

Family crazy is tiring, makes you need pre-bed naps. 

... A POOL!

I did 42 kipping pull-ups today.

Hands hurt now.

Today’s Exploit:

My parents came to visit this spring. They have really awesome luck when they come down, in that it always rains. They came down for Thanksmas one year and it had been beautiful and 70-75 degrees for the week before they arrived. It was rainy, sleety, windy and nasty the whole time they were here.

This time was the same. We got gallons and gallons of rain. I think we saw sunshine for 23.6 minutes the whole week. And that time was so humid it hurt.

Anyway, while they were here we took my dad to watch Klay be a Little Beast at my gym while Cupcake and I danced around and did choreographed kickboxing, or something. On the way to the gym we saw a skeleton of a house. No walls, no roof, just framing. 

My dad tried to make a comment on it, but was interrupted in a most hilarious way by Klay.

Dad: That house doesn’t have…

Klay: …A POOL!

It is now one of my favorite quotes of all time and I think of it every time I drive by that house, which is pretty darn often.

My Apologies

I am very sorry, but this may be my final post for a while. I have more posts in my queue, but I made an agreement with my mother that I would post more if she did. Sadly, she hasn’t kept up her end of the deal, and I’ve come to find out she made a similar agreement with my sister. So Cupcake and I have agreed to protest by discontinuing our posting.  I will start my protest today, Cupcake will start hers in one week if no new posts appear on The Naylor Home Front.

Until Mom posts again...

Adieu.

Today’s Exploit:

When talking about trying to convince my mom to update her bloggie:

PJ: I said I'd do more posts if she did. And then she didn't. 

Cupcake: haha she said she would do more posts if i did. and then she didn't.

PJ: I may have to postpone some of mine as incentive.

Cupcake: hahah do it.

The notice:

To my mom:

I have 2 or 3 posts ready to go, but since you haven't made any new posts I will be forced to postpone them indefinitely. I will make an apology letter for my next one, and then wait...

When Cupcake found out what I said: hahahahahahahahaha

Cupcake: you can tell her that i said if she doesn't make a post within one week, i have agreed to also postpone my future posts.

So, the notice continues:

My sister has also agreed that if you do not make a post within 1 week she will also postpone her posts indefinitely.

Thank you and good night.

Cupcake’s response: hahahahahahaha

A Late Thanksmas

Thanksgiving pies for some roughnecks, or other oilfield workers, by PJ and Cupcake.

Apple Pie by PJ

Pumpkin Pie by Cupcake

Today’s Exploit:

I made it home for the week before Christmas, it was our latest Thanksmas so far. Only a week before the 25th. 

I went tree hunting with the whole family, to lunch with my mom, and went to work with my dad, and skied and rode in a groomer and had all sorts of adventures. 

And then we had Christmas breakfast for dinner

And my mom made the table look very pretty so that the mass destruction was even more obvious and traumatic

and destroyed my mom’s cleaning efforts with ribbons and tissue paper and crepe paper. 

Everyone is guilty of gift paper-chaos

Cupcake mad out like a stripy-cupcakey bandit

And she loved her babushka hat and russian doll measuring set

And we all got ‘stashes and had an official family photo night. Arley was forced to take part, but Eda managed to escape Cupcake’s best efforts to get her to join. 

Family photos with faux-stashes are totally in

Rolls of Leadership

Countdown:  Not enough days left.

I downloaded a bunch of eBooks free from iTunes.  They won’t open in my Kindle App because my computer is being stubborn; and they won’t open in my new BookReader App because they’re protected, or something.  Dumb free books.

Today’s Exploit:

Yesterday I was helping my sister with an application for a nursing scholarship.  

I was reading what she’d written, editing her punctuation (because I’m a jerk and can’t leave it alone), and adding some suggestions.  

I wasn’t paying close attention to my own typing as I did this, and ended up saying something about having a roll of leadership in the community.  

Now Rolls of Leadership are my first official, will-definitely-be-on-the-menu, item for PJ’s Kitchen.  The only problem is that I don’t know what rolls of leadership are supposed to taste like.

Family Dinner

Today’s Exploit:

Last night we had a family dinner.

At the rig.

With no family.

Well, the DD had family, his wife and dogs came.  

But the rest of us just pretended.

We cooked all day for this special dinner. 

In the morning we made ice cream.  Well, Beth made ice cream, I supervised.  She brought the ice cream maker, so I made her do it.  Now, hopefully, she can do it at home whenever she feels like it.  

After it froze we smushed it into a tupperware for later, and licked the bowl.  Matt got to lick the spoon.  Beth and I each got one scoop.  The dogs got the rest.  

Spoiled little pooches.  

One of my new buddies: We were best friends
because I always ‘itched’ their heads and smelled like food.

Then Matt went and let slip to the roughnecks that we’d made a treat.  Naturally they thought it should be for them.  So we made cookies to go with it.  

In the middle of the cookies they told me they were making steaks and beans and corn and broccoli for dinner.  So I had to offer to make dinner rolls.

I like playing with squishy, sticky bread dough.  

When it was all done we filed in to fill our plates and all sat together at the table.  Like a real family.  And we sometimes talked and sometimes stuffed our faces.  And they gave me wine, but  don’t tell anyone because it’s not allowed.  

And then we ate ice cream for dessert.  

Idioms of a Cupcake

The DD likes to try to trick me when I call the trailer.  He'll answer, “Rig floor!”  And I’ll take a second to check that I pushed the proper button on the com system.  

Today to spice things up he answered, “Pizza Hut!” 

Today’s Exploit:

These things remind me of my sister.  The self-proclaimed family Cupcake.

This is pretty much a constant affliction.  

This is right up there on the complaint list with "pathophys" and rice.

Found these pics HERE.   Most of them are true...

She’s a Big Girl Now

Happy Anniversary to my Mom and Dad!

Today’s Exploit:

I went to North Dakota.

I was 23.7 miles from the Canadian border.  It was beautiful, I was miserable.  Remember?

I also left Myrtle home alone.  

We went shopping at Home Depot before I left to find a “timed release watering device”.  We found one that was “As Seen on TV!”

It was a big, hollow glass bulb.  But I tried it.

They claimed it would water a plant for up to 2 weeks.  

I filled up the pretty one and watered Myrtle until she thought she was going to drown.  Then I inserted the tip of the bulb into the center of her pot.  It tipped over.  

But she toughed it out and didn’t fall over herself, so I said, “good luck,” and made a wish for her to be alive when I got back.

Then I made a mad dash for the airport.  

When I got back after just a week the bulb was empty, but Myrtle’s dirt was still damp.  And Myrtle was 3 times the size she had been when I left.

I guess I wasn’t watering her enough.  

She’s growing faster than a weed now.

Cowgirl Dreams: Achieved

I have strep.

I thought you were supposed to outgrow this disease at the same time you outgrew high school.  Along with useless homework and catty popularity cliques. 

Today’s Exploit:

I went to see my sister when she was in Abilene, for a fire.  

Our first item on our agenda was to get haircuts.  

We both forgot, again.

But we did go shopping.  For cowboy boots, naturally.  

I think Cupcake tried on 832 pair.  And I looked for some steel toes with red sequins, like Dorothy’s Oz shoes.  But alas, Cupcake was more successful than I.  She found some super-duper-fancy boots with pointy toes, just like she always wanted.

After dinner we went for a walk so that she could be a cowgirl.  It’s what she wanted to be when she grew up.  

Abilene is sidewalk challenged, just like Oklahoma City.  So we walked on the road and in the dirt and stickers and around a sketchy neighborhood.  And it was 947 degrees out.  

So we had to go back to her hotel and get Slurpees.  I love Slurpees.  I’ve been living on them.  They’re the only thing I want, along with popsicles, when it’s this hot out.  

Dolphin Chatter and Duck Laughs

MomandDad.

I’ve just decided upon a new rule. You can’t argue with me about who pays for lunch while you are visiting me. If you do I might have to dive over the table at the restaurant and tackle you.

Just thought I should give you fair warning.

Today’s Exploit:

Last night I heard a phone ring. The ringtone was ducks.

I thought it sounded like dolphins and ducks.

Me: Was that a conversation between a dolphin and a duck?

Ronnie: No, just ducks.

Me: Oh. Just ducks.

Ronnie: I’ve heard some crazy ones, turkey calls and elk bugles and deer grunting. The turkey one is pretty funny.

Me: Sorta like the dolphins and ducks?

Ronnie: it’s just DUCKS!

Me: Hahahaha.

The Princess Chronicles, Continued

I might be addicted to Cadburry Mini Eggs. And swing dance. And the sound of wind chimes.

Today’s Exploit:

Part III

Mikafina likes to read in her garden. If she had a garden, that is. She also likes (apparently) to wear hideous orange bib dresses. But I guess that’s ok, because at least it’s not a hideous blue bib dress…

Also. I think she really likes her book because she has no idea a nasty sea gull and the dread chicken bush beast (which she is reading about and Clearly not taking seriously-look at her face) are about to ATTACK!

To be continued…

Tell me you noticed the dread chicken bush beast before you read about. Did you? I never do. Then I have to look and it is so obvious.

Part IV

Clairacina loves to spend time with her friends. AKA: hiking up cliffs barefoot with the weirdos she works with. She is also an avid fluffy-pink-tailed-squirrel observer. Which is obvious because she was obviously distracted while putting on her makeup. I mean, look at it! Ridiculous! Pull yourself together Clairicina!

She obviously also has no matching skills. Her dress may or may not be ever so slightly more hideous than the orange nightmare…

Also to be continued…

I may have to become an avid fluffy-pink-tailed-squirrel observer. They are quite magnificent.

Part V

“Cinderella is a perfect princess.” Says Fairy Godmother. “WHAT THE HELL??” Cindy screams. “Now I’ll never get the guy! And what the eff did you do to my skin you nutter??”

I’m not sure if she’s crying tears of anger or that’s just a really bad makeup job. I think it might be makeup. Cinderella went through a lot of artists. Most of them ended up giving her crazy blue eyes. She didn’t even have pupils or whites. Just giant blue orbs. It was quite disturbing.

The Princess Chronicles

I painted my fingernails yesterday. The paint lasted 4.2 hours before I started peeling it off. It may be a record for me.

Today’s Exploit:

I just re-read some stories that my sister sent me. I believe I’d like to share them. They should make you laugh. They make me laugh hysterically every time I read them. At least once a week.

Part I

Princess Aurora loves to be outdoors. And getting TAN and she loves how long her hair is. Obviously she needs to wear some sunblock b/c look at her LEGS! Also. She’s really sad b/c someone chopped off her bird’s legs, so now he has to have prosthetics.
 :(

Naturally the birds in Princessland are purple. And wear prosthetics. Naturally.

Part II

Cinderella enjoys a beautiful morning. Despite the fact that her hair is shorter than her “little sister’s” and also despite the fact that she was forced to pick dandelions all morning. And despite the fact that she hired sketch painters who thought it would be funny to paint her castle PINK!
Hahaha

Please note that the painters used orange highlights, so it wasn’t the worst paint job, they could have used purple. Yikes.

Also please tune in later in the week for parts III, IV and V! They are just as delightful.

Holiday Traditions, The Rules

Apparently the rules at this rig are to bring hamburgers back when you go to town. No one told me, so now everyone is mad at me.

Well, I will just console myself with the fact that you can’t find any pink-and-blue-steel-toed boots in your size.

So there.

Today’s Exploit:

My family is slightly devoted to tradition when it comes to holidays. Here are some of the rules:

1. My parents give us gifts for every holiday. Including Valentine’s Day and St. Patrick’s Day. I think I’ve even gotten gifts on Mother’s day. That’s really awkward when I forget to get something for my mother.

2. Santa still delivers gifts. My sister is now 23, I am 26. Santa has visited every year. Even the last two years when Christmas and Thanksgiving became one holiday because my job is anti-family and won’t let me request vacation for holidays.

3. My mother gives me panties for Valentine’s Day. And then my dad get’s embarrassed. And I do too, unless I’m home alone when I open it. Then I think it’s hysterical. Especially when I find out it was my sister who chose the pink ruffle-y ones that are 3 sizes too small. I think I may have to frame them and hang them on my wall.

4. I either am prepared 5 months ahead so I don’t remember what I got since I wrapped the gift 4.5 months ago, or I am desperately looking for something that might work the day before the holiday.

5. Also, if you’re not my visiting me or I’m not visiting you, and I decide to send you something? You will probably receive it in 3.2 months because I am terrible at actually going to the Post Office. I blame my mom, she still has Christmas gifts from 5 years ago on display in her kitchen. Go to the Post Office already, Mom, gosh.

6. My sister tells me I’m the hardest person to shop for each and every time she tries to find a gift for me.

7. Cupcake will tear into anything wrapped in paper with enough gusto for a small theater company while I will carefully slit the tape to keep the paper intact.

8. It’s pretty much guaranteed that whatever the holiday we will all be in our pajamas, except dad, who is almost never in pajamas. Unless he’s getting ready to go skiing and it’s really cold out.

If anyone even thinks of trying to deviate from these rules the rest of the family will violently veto the idea, and attack at the throat if that wasn’t enough. We’re very strict about these rules. No cheating.

Tomorrow I Will

My first order of business is this: Which of my parents posted as Bill and Tahna, and which posted as Anonymous? And something is wrong with the one that wants Goldfish tacos. Goldfish are meant to be eaten head first. Or occasionally tail first. But not in taco shells.

Today’s Exploit:

I have been bored out of my mind tonight while procrastinating. I need to take some tests for my next school. But I don’t wanna. So I read 100 pages of my book. And I found some new music. And I organized some files. And I watched a movie.

I will be productive tomorrow. I will!

In the mean time I have found a new singer that I love. Missy Higgins. Very relaxing music. Mmmmm…

Tomorrow I will take my tests. Tomorrow I will prepare for class. Tomorrow…

Tomorrow I will fortify myself to deal with Bob the Company man.

Tomorrow I will tell you about him.

Tonight I can’t’ think of him anymore. He frustrates me. He makes me want to smash plates. And he invades my office space.

But that’s for tomorrow.

PS Dad: Tonight you should make Beef Stew.

Cabbage Hunt

At dinner with my parents and my sister somehow our conversation turned to spitting. I took a sip of my drink, but they made me laugh before I could swallow. So they started joking about spitting juice and milk, and laughing too hard and having it come out one’s nose. They started arguing about what might be worst.

Mom: Root Beer’s the roost! (we're pretty sure she meant "worst")

Everyone else: HAHAHAHA!

Dad: And Mike’s is Yikes! (my sister and I were drinking Mike’s Hard Lemonade)

Everyone else: HAHA HAHAHAHAH!

Today’s Exploit:

After a large breakfast of Buttermilk Biscuits and excellent cantaloupe my parents and I were stuffed. My dad suggested taking a walk. I thought it was a good idea, but my mom was hesitant. So I told her she should go with us.

She acquiesced. My dad was shocked that she agreed. Usually if she says no, that’s the final answer. I joked that it was peer pressure.

My dad cracked up and started “peering” at my mom, staring with his face contorted into a rather macabre mask. He claims he’ll use this in the future. I fear for my mother.

The next conversation was where we should walk. Should we go to the Greenbelt path? Or up into the mountains at Vedawoo (Ve da-VOO). Then they came up with the idea that we should walk around the university campus looking for cabbages.

They told me that a few weeks ago campus was covered with cabbages. Today we found 7. We walked for ages and ages. And in the process we toured the new IT center, the greenhouse, and the new Anthropology museum.

We also had a pinecone fight and “walked around” meaning my dad walked really fast in circles in front of my mom and I.  I tried to get an example of his shenanigans, but he caught on to what I was doing and was uncooperative.

Another adventure was throwing pinecones at the tyrannosaurus rex. The local lore is that it’s good luck if one can get a pinecone in its mouth.

PS Dad: Tonight you should make Macaroni and Cheese

Squishing My Squishy

My sister likes to tease my mom about things she used to say when we were fighting. So now she randomly spouts off things like: What did I tell you? It’s her current favorite, along with the word obscene. She uses it to describe pretty much anything. Mostly it’s pretty funny, but sometimes it takes me a while to process.

Today’s Exploit:

While at my last rig I was chased out of my box by another MWD watching stupid, appalling reality shows on TV. So I went to the rig floor to harass the hands. They were very good natured about it and talked to me.

They made me laugh lots, and told me about what they do on their time off. One of them builds computers from scratch: much smarter than me=what in the world are you doing in the OIL FIELD? One of them plays 7 instruments and entertains at clubs and sells “beats” to famous people: very talented=what in the world are you doing in the OIL FIELD?

Also they like to tease each other. Chris told me that Joseph acts tough but is really squishy inside.

Joseph: Yes, you know those stress balls? The blue and green globe ones?

Me: Yes.

Joseph: Well that’s what I have inside.

Me: Oh.

Joseph: People get stress relief by squishing my squishy.

Chris and Me: look at each other and burst out laughing

Joseph: Wait, that sounded bad. I didn’t mean it that way…

Chris and Me: laughing harder

I spent the next 12.7 minutes laughing until I was crying because Joseph kept trying to explain and making his story even more hilarious.

PS Dad: You should make Chicken Enchiladas for dinner. Just getting a head start here.

PPS: I wanted to call this post Squishy, but it turns out I already named one that. I am a little overwhelmed by this

You Should Know

When I was home, my mom wanted to do a “Photo Shoot”. She and my dad both had cameras and took as many pictures as they could. This resulted in many ridiculous pictures and my dad calling me: “you older lady”. My sister was thrilled. I was offended.

Today’s Exploit:

Last night I was the number-one-all-star roughneck. They decided that my tool wasn’t being fast enough, so they wanted to change it out. That means pulling all the pipe and racking it back. It looks like a forest of steel trees with very little foliage right at the very top. The roughnecks decided to blame me for the misfortune of extra work. Billy Joe and Juan decided that my punishment would be to pull slips and make 40 cupcakes.

Slips are the very heavy wedges that go between the pipe and the outside of the well. They keep the pipe from falling back to the bottom. I’ve posted a picture of them here. They are very heavy and rather unwieldy.

I was finally able to get into a pattern pulling slips, getting out of the way for them to rack the pipe, and then numbering it to double check the hole depth and to make sure they had as much as they thought. It was then that Billy Joe decided to start working. He was the one that hassled me the most about “roughnecking”, and then he came and took my job.

Me: Hey!

Billy Joe: Take a break; I’m afraid they’ll give my job to you.

Me: Fine.

Then he tried to start numbering them, too!

Me: Hey! You already took one of my jobs, don’t be taking my other.

Billy Joe: Oh, sorry. I thought you weren’t doing that anymore, you were so slow.

Me: Humph!

Later, when they got to the heavyweight pipe they started over again on the numbering system.

Billy Joe: This one is one.

Me: Ok, thanks.

Billy Joe: The next one is two.

Me: Really? I was a little confused, you had me all discombobulated after making fun of me all night.

Billy Joe: Discon-what-ulation?

Me: Discombobulated.

Billy Joe: You can’t use words like that around roughnecks!

Me: Haha! See what you get for making fun of my numbering skills?

Billy Joe: It goes 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 8, 10, and don’t you forget that!

Logan: Billy Joe, draw an arrow down and write Agitator on the last one.

Billy Joe: PJ, write agitator on that one.

Me: Writing

Billy Joe: I’m glad you wrote it, I didn’t know how to spell agitator.

All About Antelope

This weekend I got to go home. It was the first time since my birthday! I went with Cupcake to see the John Butler Trio at Red Rocks Amphitheatre. It was brilliant, and we made some crazy new friends. Then we spontaneously got tickets to La Roux. That was lots of fun, but instead of making friends we got pushed around by adolescent girls.

It was a good workout, though. In addition to climbing the stairs at Red Rocks 4.7 times, we hiked up the street to the Ogden Theatre twice. And we stood/danced the entire time for both concerts.

Today’s Exploit:

After the concerts we drove to Laramie, and finally some cooler weather. I got to go with my parents on a drive to Lake Marie. I threw snowballs and shivered. Then we got ice cream

On the way up my mom saw a field with dandelions.

Mom: Look at the dandelions!

Dad: There are some dandy antelope, too.

Me: Haha.

Mom: The dandelions must be stalking the dandy antelope.

Me: I think in this case the dandy antelope are probably stalking the dandelions.

Mom and Dad: Hahahahahahaha!

The next morning, since we didn’t have time to go skiing before I flew back to the seventh circle of hell (also known as summertime in Texas), I went for a run while my dad rode his bike.

Thirteen steps into the “real” run, after we got off the pavement, I heard a funny noise.

The Mystery: Pththfffttt

Me: What was that?

Dad: A bird?

Me: It sounded like your elephant impression.

Dad: It did!

The Mystery: Pththffftttphft

Dad: There’s an antelope over there, maybe that’s what it was.

Me: Maybe. (I wasn’t wearing my corrective lenses, so it looked like more dirt and rocks. Maybe a bush)

The run continued and my traitorous lungs tried to make me turn around at least every 2.45 minutes. My ankles held up nicely, though. The trail had lots of loose rocks.

We were almost back when we heard it again

The Mystery: Pththfffttt

Dad: It was an antelope!

Me: Hunh.

Dad: I’ve never heard an antelope before!

Me: Me either…pant, gasp.

My lungs: Stop right now! Or I’ll never work again!

Update: My lungs are still rebelling. They’re pretending that it’s my shoulder muscles that hurt. But I’m on to them.

I Have a Vice

Yesterday I was making lunch and listening to the Mud Engineer and Directional Driller.  They talked about how old we look: 

The ME (Mud Engineer) said he was carded for a student ID when he went to watch his daughter play volleyball while she was at the university. 

The DD said that he had rarely been carded, even while he was underage. 

"Shockingly" they thought I looked younger than I am...

Then this turned into things you like to do, ie drinking.

Today's Exploit

They talked a while about being young and dumb and getting drunk.  And how now neither drink very much because alcoholism runs in their families.  Then they started talking about other vices.  Such as sports, gambling, drugs, ect. 

They talked about how pretty much anything can become an addiction if one allows it to "take food away from the table".  Both said that all vices could be ok if they were done for enjoyment an taken to excess.  Then the kicker came:

ME:  Everything is ok in modesty.

PJ:  Hahahahahahahahah! (silently)

'Scuse me, sir.  I think you mean moderation. 

DD: Yes, these people don't know how to control themselves and take responsibility blah blab blablablah blah...

Oh, man.  The things people say.  And the things other people miss...