Other things. Sorta like posts, but not.

Thursday, June 30

Root Beer Float Sundaes. Yum

I went and watched a movie with a friend from one of the rigs the other night.  I was silly and let him put his arm around me.
I think I may have gotten myself into trouble.
Today’s Exploit:
On my way to this rig I stopped in Austin.  
I had called my cousin, Brandi, and asked if she wanted to get dinner.  She agreed and I started on my way.  
The only problem was that I took too long.  By the time I got there it was after 10.  In the big cities restaurants stay open until 10, I didn’t know that until a few months ago.  Probably 2.7.  
So, anyway.  By the time I got there nothing was open, unless we were desperate enough for fast food.  
We were not.
So we went to the market and got some vanilla ice cream.  Because we are both rather boring and that’s our favorite.  
Then we stopped at the “toppings” shelf.  It was overwhelming.  
We both stared vacantly at the rack for 3.8 minutes.  
I think we were about to give up and just have plain vanilla ice cream when we saw it:  Root Beer Float Sauce.
Did you know they made such a thing?  
We took it back to her apartment and found some bowls and spoons.  I half poured, half scooped ice cream into bowls and then opened the sauce.  I squeezed the bottle to see what it smelled like.
It immediately made a farting sound and whooshed out air.  
I was holding the bottle a bit too close to my face, so I choked and sneezed.  
Brandi cracked up.
I probably turned red.  Because that’s what I do.
I decided that the best move now would be just to pour it over the ice cream.  So I did, and it was pretty good.  
And we laughed and talked and gobbled up the ice cream like crazy fiends. 

Wednesday, June 29

The Cheesy Vampyre Series

I’m being lazy.
All I’ve done for the last 3 days is buy books and read them.  
Today’s Exploit:
I went to San Antonio the other day.  
I wanted to go to a book store for another book in the series I’m reading.  A cheesy series about teenage vampyres.  It’s one of those books that has to use old English spelling because it makes them seem more mystical.  
At any rate it’s entertaining.  And I wanted another.
Naturally that was the only one in the series that the bookstore didn’t have.  
Therefore I had to find 8 other books to make up for it.  
I got some big kid books, like, a biography and something about hedgehogs.  I also got some fantasy books, because they’re the best.  And I decided to be nice and buy the next two books in the cheesy vampire series that my sister is reading.
I asked her which ones she needed, and when she didn’t answer I asked my mom, because she’s reading them too.  
My mom answered.  I found the books and checked out.
Lucky for my sister, she was 32 seconds late in telling me not to get them.  
She claims she might need to get them for her fire trip.  The one she was supposed to go on last Wednesday.  
Wahahahahahaha.
Too bad, so sad.  Now you HAVE TO WAIT!

Sunday, June 26

Wake Up Call

My sister likes a Taylor Swift song.  
The apocalypse must be coming.
Today’s Exploit:
6:05 am
Tommy:  Where’s Nut Plug?  Sleeping in again?
Me:  I guess so.
Tommy:  I’ll get him up.
Bang bang bangbangbangbang 
Patrick:  Was that you banging on the door?
Tommy:  Me?  What?  No, I didn’t hear anything.
Patrick:  Oh, I thought it was someone from outside.
Tommy:  It must have been the company man looking for Nut Plug.  It is after 6.
The company man has nicknamed us Mica and Nut Plug.  The DDs think it’s hilarious.  They use every excuse they can find to cal Patrick “Nut Plug”.
Also, Patrick has a hard time getting up on time.  He’s decided to sleep in another trailer because Tommy and Tony are bad influences.  We’ll see if it makes a difference at about 6 this morning.

Saturday, June 25

Muscles on Display

I did 4 crossword puzzles last night, I think that qualifies me to be in the nerd herd again.
Today’s Exploit:
Patrick asked me if I noticed that I got more muscles when I started this job.  He was rather shocked when I told him I lost my muscles, and that I started doing P90x to get them back.  
He told me about how hard he thinks it is to lift the tool.  When we were rigging up he was very worried about me putting up the satellite dish because it is the heavy part of the job.  Then he waited until I took a nap so that I could be up for my shift and got a roughneck to help him move the tool, sneaky boy.
Later, when we were on the rig floor, someone made a comment about having us work as roughnecks (half of their crew didn’t show up).  So I flexed and said, “Rawr”.  
They all laughed at me, naturally.
Then Patrick asked if he could see my muscles when I was rolling up my sleeves.  
I don’t know what came over me, but I flexed again.
Then he asked if he could touch them.  
Um, okay?
I laughed and was embarrassed, and then I tried to forget about it.
Tony came over to talk to us about picking up our tools, and 2.1 minutes into that conversation Patrick asks Tony, “Have you ever seen her muscles?  Have her show them to you!”
Cue red face and stutter.

Friday, June 24

I Don’t Think They Believe Me

Patrick doesn’t believe that I have a hard time making friends on rigs.  
He also thinks I’m normal.
Today’s Exploit:
When I went to the office I told my manager that I want to move to the Rockies.  
He was telling me how horrible Houston is.  The traffic’s terrible, the sprawl is terrible, the heat is terrible, the humidity, the drought, the hurricanes...
I told him that I agreed with him, and that I want to move to Colorado; I miss the mountains, and winter.  And temperatures below 576 degrees.
He chuckled and told me that I’d have to work mostly in North Dakota, where it’s always cold.  
I admitted that the cold might not be fun.  Somehow I think he took that to mean I’d changed my mind.  
Not so.  I’d rather suffer through the cold than suffer through the heat.  Maybe he’ll start to believe me if I tell him again.  
I might have to start calling him occasionally, just to tell him that I want to transfer.  Maybe he’ll let me move if I’m obnoxious enough.
One of the roughnecks told me the other day that you can’t put on enough clothes to stay warm in the north.  But you can take off enough to stay cool in the south.  
I disagree with his logic.  But then I haven’t worn a real coat since I started working here.

Thursday, June 23

I Would Show You, But He Said No

Patrick is crazy.  He actually WANTS to do all the work.  He was also horrified that he fell asleep last night (at about 3), and didn’t wake up in time for his shift (at 6).  
We haven’t started doing anything yet. 
Today’s Exploit:
The other week my friend Joseph had some pictures taken.  Turns out he’s some sort of music person who sells beats to people to use in their songs.  So he had to get pictures to be “legit”.  
He sent me one when he got them.  
It was terrifying.  I think I threw my phone.  
In the picture he had dark, morbid makeup, and blood all over his hands and teeth.  And what looked like a huge knife cutting through his face.  
Gross.  
He thinks it’s hilarious that it scared me.  
I think it’s creepy that he liked the picture.
PS  He’s said he’s going to send me a video of The Sexy Walk.  I’m holding him to it.

Wednesday, June 22

Ha Ha. Tricked You!

The guy:  Outdoor adventure guide.  Travels all over the states for activities similar to a Ropes course.
The line:  I’ve stayed in some pretty amazing places, and I’ve woken up to many views that rival your beauty.


The response:  ... HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Today’s Exploit:
I was really excited to come to this job because I thought I’d get to be the boss.  Not only work days, but be in charge as well.  I would be working with a contractor.
I was happily setting things up in the trailer when Patrick showed up.  
He’s not a contractor.  He’s just out of Eng-1, the three month class to learn about the basic tools.  
After getting most of our gear set up I finally hooked up the internet and got some emails.  
Turns out I get to work nights.  
Again.
Patrick has to break out on this job.  
I’m not sure I’m the best candidate to break him out.  I’ve led three jobs in my time here.  I’ve only worked with someone less qualified than I once before.
Also the rig is broken.  I’m beginning to think it’s me that causes these problems, for reals.

Sunday, June 19

I Was the Hero of the Day

I spent all day doing nothing.
I feel like I’m at work.  Although I had more friends at work.
Today’s Exploit:
On my drive home I was trucking right a long when I saw a small brown blur bounding down the hill along the interstate.  
As I got closer I could distinguish a dog bounding closer and closer to the road.  I told it not to get on the road, because people don’t watch where they’re going very well.  
When I passed it I saw that it was a puppy.  
I had to stop.
I got off the highway and went back until I was pretty sure I was where the puppy was.  
Then I saw the others.  
Five of them were playing near a bush.  
My stomach sunk.  I was sure that they were abandoned.  
I went over to them to see if they were ok.  All of them were fat and playful.  So they weren’t abandoned.  Whew.
Then I looked down the hill for the one that had gone by the main highway.  
Three of them were playing in a storm drain.  
I chased and teased six of them into the yard of the house that was nearby.  Then I went to the door to see if they belonged at the house.  
Three kids answered the door.  They were shocked that the puppies had gotten out, but they didn’t know how many there were.  
What kid doesn’t know how many puppies are living in their yard?  
So I went back to the road to check that all the puppies had been rescued.  And the kids went back inside.  
There was one more.  I caught it and took it to the yard where the little boy was rounding the others up so that they couldn’t escape again.  
I did my good deed for the day.  And I got to play with some puppies.  

Saturday, June 18

"Starla Was Really ‘Barassed', as Cupcake would say

I went to the store today for breakfast.  
I ended up with pasta, pasta sauce and pasta soup.
Today’s Exploit:
Did I tell you that my last rig was on the beach?  
It was.
The beach is a windy place.  
The rig is a dusty place.
The rig on the beach is a humid place.
By the time I left the rig Starla was covered in an inch of dust.
Ok, maybe not a whole inch.  
I could barely see out my door windows.  The only thing I could make out through the rearview was headlights late at night.  
I finally broke down and went to a gas station just to use their window washers.  And I dirtied all the soapy water they had getting that mud of the rear windshield.  Also, I got to where I could tell where Starla was by the dirt in the wind.  And the fact that she was the only car that was dirt colored.  
We got home last night.  
We spent most of the drive with people staring at us.  
At first I thought that I was just passing a larger amount of nosy people than usual.  
Then I remembered the color of my car.  I laughed a lot.  Starla blushed.
So, today, when I went to get some milk I decided that I should probably wash her.  Partly because I was getting filthy every time I tried to go somewhere.  And partly because Starla was very self-conscious with all that dust.  

Friday, June 17

The Office Day

I think I get to be a big kid now and work days more than nights.  
Today’s Exploit:
I had to go into the office to make some logs.  I drove from the rig straight there.  My goal is to get everything done in as little time as possible.  Offices are depressing.  Although, this one was on the better end of that scale.
All my stuff was packed nice and snugly into Starla.  Myrtle was sitting in the passenger seat.  
Ok, she was sitting on the floor of the passenger side because it’s flatter there, and sitting in the seat mooshes her leaves.  
We had a nice 3.89 hour trip to Houston.  Then I packed up my computers and all the papers I collected while at the rig.  My pack ended up being about 48 pounds.  
Betty-Sue is one heavy computer.  And I had 3 tons of papers.  
I locked Starla, but I did a horrible thing.  
I forgot to leave the windows cracked to let Myrtle have some air. 
When I finished my logs and turned everything in I hauled Betty-Sue and all her support gear back to Starla.
Myrtle was dead.
I was sure.  Her leaves were dull and limp, and the stems were bent and lying against the pot.  
I hurried and started Starla and turned the AC on full blast.  This worked to my benefit as much as Myrtle’s, it was 972 degrees inside.
I talked to Myrtle a bit, coaxing her to perk up a bit.  She didn’t listen at first, so I just started driving.  After all, it was another 8.2 hour drive home.  
Luckily Myrtle wasn’t really dead.  She was bouncy as every by the time we got through rush hour traffic.  And nice and shiny, too.

Wednesday, June 15

The Larangus Attack

Sometimes I think the only thing that gets me through the day is the 82 popsicles that I eat.
Today’s Exploit:
Mark is addicted to Judge Judy.  He likes laughing at the stupidity of people.  
I like laughing at people’s stupidity as well, but I’m not completely obsessed.  He auto-tunes the TV to change to the Judge Judy program every day it’s on.  And he gets really excited right about 4:00 pm.  
The other day, instead of doing my workout, I watched with him.  
He talks through the whole thing, telling me exactly what happened 2.1 minutes ago.  I feel like I’m letting him down by actually paying attention so that I already know what’s going on.  But I don’t know if he actually notices that my answers are rather monotonous.  
The particular section that I remember from this show was a lady and her boyfriend.  She called him a friend, but golly, I think everyone knew why they went to that concert together.
She was suing him for attacking her on the way home, as well as damage to her car.  Bla blah blabla blah.  It wasn’t terribly interesting until the end when they interviewed the parties outside the courtroom.  
I love when people try to appear smarter than they are.
Lady:  We were driving along and he started being obnoxious.  Then he got mad and started assaulting me.  He even grabbed my larangus so I had a hard time breathing.
Really?  Your larangus?  Now that is a heinous crime.
Both Mark and Randi stopped what they were doing and looked at the TV questioningly.  
Me:  Her larangus, hahahahaha.
Mark:  Is that what she said?
Randi:  I thought she said that.
Mark:  I can’t believe someone said that to a camera, knowing it would be on TV.
Me:  Larangus.  Goodness.

Tuesday, June 14

Friday Night Fight Night, On Saturday

I went to town today, hoping to hang out in the little bookstore for a while.   
No such luck.  Today is the one day they are closed.
Today’s Exploit:
The other day I was talking to my two newest boyfriends.  (Don’t tell T.J.)  We talked about paintball, baking cakes, how long it takes to get to the rig from home, and fighting.
I don’t remember how the topic turned to fighting, but Luis likes to watch the televised fights.  He was telling me how he likes to go to Buffalo Bill Wild Wings.  He also asked me if I wanted to watch the next one.
I told him that I can’t stand to watch people get hit in the face.  It’s traumatic and I have sympathetic pains when I see it.  
Luis joked that people fight all the time, and I should be used to it by now.  
I immediately corrected him:  fighting is not the problem.  People getting hit in the mouth is the problem.  Doesn’t matter if it’s a fist, the road or a limp noodle.  
He immediately decided that I should go with him to the next fight night on Saturday.  I told him I’d think about it and practice covering my eyes.
Now every time he sees me he asks if I’m ready for Saturday.  
I’ve been practicing.  
I’m still not ready.

Monday, June 13

Go Reach in that Dark, Damp Hole for a Smelly Rat

I’ve been reading Oh, Noa all day.  This is my favorite line so far:
8) Which is the most funny prank you’ve seen played?
A group of boys dressed as grandmas for Halloween, carrying a fake door frame around with them. Then when they knocked on doors, they complimented the home-owners on their costumes, gave them candy and closed the fake door.
Today’s Exploit:
I went for a walk yesterday.  And I had a nice post all planned out in my head.  It was a good one: clever, witty and funny.  Naturally it was gone by the time I got back to the trailer.  I think the dread of the dead-rat-smell chased it away.  
I made spaghetti with 3.2 extra cloves of garlic to cover that smell.  It worked for 6.15 hours.  
I also made a parmesan flat bread.  It was supposed to be breadsticks, but it got pouffy.
Side note:  Why is it that I have such a hard time keeping my heart rate under 170 when I run, but have an equally difficult time keeping it over 85 when I walk?  There’s no happy medium.
Back to the rat.
Randi saw it the other week so Mark brought out poison.  
Then nothing.  
After 2.1 weeks of the poison packets sitting untouched the rat attacked one of my apples, part of the poison packet in the kitchen and the entire packet in the bathroom.  
We hoped it crawled off in search of water, but no such luck.  It burrowed under the bathtub to die.  Rotting in a confined space to punish us for not letting it eat all our produce.   
When he first discovered it, Mark tried bargaining with me to get it out.  
Mark:  My arm’s to big to reach the rat, but yours would fit...
Me:  No.
Mark:  You didn’t even let me finish the request!
Me:  No.
Mark:  I’ll take surveys all day, and make your logs for you.
Me:  No.
Mark:  You drive a hard bargain.
He kept at it for the rest of the day before deciding it would be more productive to bring out some tools or call the trailer company.  

Sunday, June 12

Tiptoeing Like a Heard of Elephants

My sourdough is not sour.  It’s good, and nice and fluffy but dense, but not sour.  And my dad is out riding his bike so I can’t pick his brain.
Today’s Exploit:
Yesterday I was walking around being nosy.  I talked to anyone who would stand still long enough for me to catch them.  I learned about putting calcium chloride in the mud so that we don’t get stuck, and moving pipe onto the catwalk. 
When I got tired of talking to people I wandered around looking at things.  These rigs always have something new, or different, or that I haven’t taken the time to contemplate before.  
I was looking at the agitators in the mud tanks when I came across Luis.  He was looking out across the electrical cables and the innards of the rig.  
He seemed to be very focused so I left him alone and squeezed around him to continue on my way.  Somehow I managed to time this trick so that he was looking to the right as I approached his left, and scanned to the left as I moved behind him.  I’m talented like that.  (The only reason he didn’t hear my clumsy, stomping, slipping approach was the noise of the shakers.  Those things are deafening.  And never turn off.)
I probably could have gotten to the next set of tanks before he noticed me, but I laughed.  I’m not used to not being noticed, it was rather novel.
I’m pretty sure I scared his socks off.

Saturday, June 11

The Sexy Walk

I have spent the last 3.7 days listening to the DD snore, while waiting on the rig to get going again.  
I’m ready to have some work again.  Even sitting in my box sounds exciting.
Today’s Exploit:
The other day I was wandering around the rig, and hassling the roughnecks.  As usual.  I talked to the driller, then the floor hands and then wandered down to the mud tanks.
The mud tanks are generally 37 times hotter than anywhere else because the mud is hot from being in the well.  So I don’t go there very often.  That’s why Joseph was so excited for some company.
Joseph is a crazy kid.  He’s always joking and teasing people.  He finds it endlessly fascinating to make me turn red.  
He teases me about going behind the hopper to get some privacy, or showing me his “dance moves”, which consist of rubbing against me. Also he jokes about me looking at his bum while he’s doing his job.  
The best part of this day was The Sexy Walk.  He had to go across all of the tanks to open a valve.  So, the entire way he exaggerated the movement in his hips, rather like a model.  Every few steps he’d look back to make sure I was watching, once or twice giving me a finger wave.
He spent the rest of the day referring to his sexy walk, and asking if I wanted to see it again.
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