Fingernails and Puppy-dog Tails

For your procrastinating pleasure:

Capture the Cat Game

WARNING: Only click this link if you have spare time, maybe not even then.

Today’s Exploit:

Whew, barely made it back. The cat game sucked me in. It’s worse than solitaire or minesweeper. Probably put together. Although I always did like minesweeper.

Speaking of distractions, there was another dog out here tonight, with one of the delivery trucks. It was white with brown spots, and wagged its tail a lot. I was very tempted to go pet it. And it tried its hardest to get my attention, barking and jumping and making a ruckus. But I was so disciplined that I just looked longingly for 3.8 seconds before marching back to my box to study the never-ending march of 1010110001010111001010…

Also, how in the world to people deal with fake fingernails?

I see people functioning with nails as long as my little finger. How do they do it? How do they not go crazy?

I let mine grow for just a couple weeks and I’m ready to go bonkers. They get in the way of typing and texting/making phone calls. I cut myself with the corners of the nails and they catch on everything. And the clicking on the piano, not that I ever get to play the piano anymore but still. And they’re always gross with flour or butter or mud or grease stuck under them.

Gross. I need some clippers. Those super-duty ones.

And a brush, I forgot mine at home.

Melty Butter and Wasting Time

I suddenly want some frozen yogurt.

Today’s Exploit:

I spent the morning reading worthless blogs. But they mostly made me laugh. Some of them made me sigh, so I found new ones to read. I also slept far too much, and learned that I can’t remember the difference between smiling and laughing in Spanish.

Fail.

On a happy note, I made Yeasted Banana Bread yesterday afternoon. It was an experiment. It was also a success. It was mildly sweet and had just a hint of banana and it was crusty and lovely.

Me: Do you want the heel or a middle piece?

Charles: Whichever you don’t want.

I walked to the fridge to get butter and when I turned around he had both pieces.

Later.

Charles: You’re not going to eat anymore of that bread, are you?

Me: Why?

Charles: I figured you’d had enough and I would have the rest.

Me: Oh, I see.

Also, I am currently in love with spreadable butter, the kind with olive oil to keep it softer? It melts when it gets to room temperature. And melty butter is always better than hard slabs. It’s just not quite as dependable to cook with. But I can work around that if I always have melty butter for my bread.

They Stand Too Close For Comfort. Not Just One, All of Them

I started trying to learn Spanish on my computer last night. I remember lots of random words from high school Spanish, but I don’t remember what any of them mean. So far this session I have learned about the black cat, the blue car and they boy under the table.

Spanish interspersed with reading my Portable MBA in Entrepreneurship should keep me busy for the next few weeks. I’m only able to get through 1.7 pages at a time in the book without falling asleep.

Today’s Exploit:

The other night I made a friend.

I gave him TUMS.

Now we are best friends. Every time he sees me he has to say hi, or wave, or do something to get my attention. Tonight he sprayed me with water while washing the BOP.

I’m glad I could help, but this is a bit much.

Earlier tonight, while I was waiting to get back to drilling, I went to the rig floor. Everyone up there had to tell me 5.3 stories about Wyoming/Colorado/Montana. Because for people from the south they are all the same. They even include Utah and Nebraska in this category. Maybe a few others will be added if the particular person I’m talking to has traveled anywhere at all and ever been cold.

Any time these guys didn’t have to lift or pull something they were standing within 4.2 feet of me.

My new friend was within 6 inches.

This is why I hide in my box.

Ooh, Coconut. My Favorite

I tried quail for the first time today. It was pretty good, but it was cooked with Poblano peppers, and onions and bacon, so I’m not sure if I actually tasted the quail or just the peppers.

Today’s Exploit:

A few nights ago Chris and I watched a show that featured a guy climbing a tree to kick down coconuts. Then he smashed it against a rock until the “cork” popped. Then they poured out the milk and began shredding the meat against another rock. Fascinating.

I happened to mention that I didn’t much like coconut, so 3 days later Chris shows up with one.

Charles: Were they on sale or something?

Chris: I saw it next to the pineapple and thought, ‘maybe PJ will want a coconut.’

Charles: Oh, that was nice.

Me: Yeah, thanks. I’ve just been thinking how I wanted a coconut.

Chris: Here you go. (Tries to give me half)

Me: Thanks, but I think I’ll have to pass right now.

Aren’t these guys so nice?

They still regularly call to see if they can get a reaction out of me. And they check that I run every morning. They even watch what I eat to let me know how much I need to run the following morning.

Buck Has a Birthday Party

The other day I was told that I was the only chicken that didn’t have chicken legs. I’m not sure what it meant, but I think it was a compliment.

Today’s Exploit:

The company man has a dog. A black lab named Buck.

Buck is very spoiled. He thinks he’s human. And for the most part he gets treated like royalty.

Buck is also an attention addict. When his person leaves him on the porch to do company man duties, Buck yelps and whines and barks until someone goes over to the porch to pet him. Someone always goes over to the porch to pet him.

Yesterday was Buck’s birthday. There was a big celebration.

His “mom” made a cake, and brought gifts and party hats. When David asked if Buck had to wear the one of the hats his “dad” said yes.

He said that he needed a picture for Buck’s Facebook page.

The Bird is Really Fat

Shawn told me about a new radio station yesterday. It plays Frank Sinatra, Lena Horne, and other such musicians. I listened to it in my car on the way to get groceries.

I can’t get it in my apartment. Stupid radio.

Today’s Exploit: A list

I can’t find my painting of the dancer. Still. It makes me sad.

I made bread this morning.

I also made Tiramisu.

I went shopping for groceries at 2:02 am.

I need a serrated bread knife.

I am going to make Bruschetta this afternoon.

I want a Mac. Probably the extra thin one.

I will practice my dance 18.7 times today.

I want a puppy.

It’s ONLY supposed to get up to 77* today.

I want to plant an herb garden.

I have a bird nesting on the porch light that is about to fall off the wall.

I’m not going to report it until I know the babies have hatched and flown away.

Running Away

For Dad: The Oatmeal.

Today’s Exploit:

While at rigs I run most every day. I like the rigs that have miles of deserted dirt roads to get to. That means that I don’t have to worry about traffic, just an occasional cow.

This rig has a quarter mile of dirt road. Then a relatively busy highway is mo only option for a mile and a half.

It’s frustrating trying to run in the gutter to avoid the constant traffic.

The other day I was pulled over by the local sheriff. The one with the dog.

He told me about the high school track. And that it was open to public. While I generally hate running in circles, I’ve decided that it is better than being run off the road by 18-wheelers.

I have been averaging 4 miles. That is 16 circles looking at the same bleachers and hurdles and stripes. But the track is cushy, and I can gauge my pace easily. Also since I’m the only one there I can even run clockwise whenever I get a hankering. Yesterday was the first day I ran backwards on a track. It was weird. It made my knee hurt. And it was very rewarding.

I think I might do it again today.

My Job is Being Quiet, Alternate Title: I will always win the quiet game

Last night I sat in the trailer and watched TV all night. It was strangely exhausting.

It must have been that time I got up to make macaroni and cheese that wore me out.

Today’s Exploit:

When Dave and Charles and Chris are all in the trailer they’re always telling stories. They tell hunting stories, embarrassing stories, fishing stories, work stories. And they talk about chickens a lot.

Every so often they notice me. The conversations go something like this:

Charles: You haven’t said much, what are you doing over there?

Me: Making a sandwich.

Charles: Just being quiet, huh?

Me: Yep, that’s my job.

Chris: How much does it pay?

Me: Not much, but it’s steady.

Chris and Charles: Hahahaha.

Now every time one of them comes in they ask me what I’m doing, but before I have a chance to reply they say, “Just being quiet?” So I just smile and go on with what I’m doing.

Today Charles was standing in the kitchen, in my usual place.

Me: You don’t look very awake today.

Charles: (nods) I’m just being quiet.

Me: Oh, taking over my job?

Favorites

I met some new dogs this week.

One ran to me and sat on my feet and wiggled with a desperate need to be even closer to me. I ended up squashed against the wall because he was wiggling so vigorously.

The other sat in his car and barked incessangly at me while his person tried to give me directions to the local track, hushing him every third word.

Today’s Exploit:

I reorganized my blog favorites today. I have way too many. I even read most of them on a regular basis.

I have some others that I follow through my blog, too.

I should get orgainzed with them all together. And maybe do some spring cleaning?

Additional Telephone Adventures: Starla Series

I just ate fish for breakfast. I know it was evening, but having fried fish when you wake up is just weird.
Also, I'm late because I forgot to hit send.  I can't blame blogger this time.

Today’s Exploit:

Ring Ring

Me: Hello?

Charles: Does that car of yours come with a spare?

Me: Yes, it has a donut.

Charles: Ok, just wondering.

Click

4.8 seconds later

Ring Ring

Me: Hello?

Charles: Those tires are so small, how can you tell if the spare is a donut?

Me: Hahahahahaha

Charles: Ok, just wondering.

Click

5 mintues later

Ring Ring

Me: Hello?

Chris: Hey, did Charles already ask you about your tire?

Me: Yes.

Chris: Ok

Click

2.8 seconds later

Ring Ring

Me: Hello?

Chris: You do have a spare, right?

Me: Yes.

Chris. Ok

Click

They made me suspicious, but I won that round. They didn’t make me go out to check on Starla, to see what they’d done. My nerves were a little wavery, though

UPDATED: A Sample of My Nightly Conversations

Hey, Cupcake. Maybe this one (new link, this one should work) is the one with the lions? It sounds kinda familiar.

PS Happy St. Patrick’s Day

Today’s Exploit:

A recent conversation:

Ring Ring

Me: Hello?

Charles: Hay, did you ever barrel race?

Me: Um… No?

Charles: Ok, just asking.

Click

I blame it on the shoes. And on the Wyoming stereotype.

Later:

Ring Ring

Me: Hello?

Charles: Did you go to school in Laramie?

Me: I went to the university there.

Charles: Ok, just wondering.

Click

A sample of the random calls I get while working. Charles is fascinated by anything I say about Wyoming. He worked there for a while, so knows it a little. But every time he sees me we have a full conversation about it; a certain area, the wildlife, the arrowheads, why the towns are located just so.

Decoding the Dance Instructions

I just ate half a bag of carrots; I think my skin is turning orange. And my hair will probably be green soon.

Today’s Exploit:

In April I am supposed to be performing at Showcase. That is a fancy name for a dance recital. My song is picked out and my dance is all choreographed. Now I just need to keep it all straight in my head during the time I’m at work. This may be difficult considering I can’t understand the notes, no one here knows how to Tango, and I can’t dance in steel-toed boots. Even pink ones.

I’ve tried. Also, this is what the notes look like:

Tango – Por Una Cabeza

1. Lean in
2. Send out
3. Step .5 step
4. Step .5 pivot
5. Step .5 step
6. Step .5 pivot
7. Walk to cortè
8. Contra to link
9. Promenade to lunge
10.
11. Double cruise
12. Walk backs to link
13. Promenade to link
14.
15. Promenade to send out
16. Lean to
___________
Kick, Flick & Drop

This is what Shawn wrote. I have no idea what it means, and I’m terrible at remembering the names of the moves. Also this is only a third of the song. The rest is worse.

Hopefully that week before the performance will be enough to re-learn the whole thing.

I might need an understudy. If you know what this stuff means please come take my place. ‘Cause I’m scared. I need my blankie and teddy.

Or maybe my orange mixing bowl. That would probably work.

Procrastination Station

This page made me think of my sister. That crazy girl who is still on her European kick even after all this time. But, then, I guess I can’t blame her.

Today’s Exploit:

Today, in addition to fighting with the computers, I have been discovering new baking blogs.

Joy the Baker and i am baker.

Joy is amazingly funny, and has amazing recipes and amazing pictures. I will be trying her Honey Vanilla Bean Marshmallows tomorrow. Or as soon as I have access to my lovely KitchenAid.

i am baker is incredibly talented and inventive. Her cakes look like she’s been doing this forever and are always perfect. But apparently she just started baking a year ago. And she’s way good at it. I’m so jealous.

Reading baking blogs is bad for my job. I neglect my duties because I am fascinated by the things people are able to create in their kitchens. Also it makes me long for my KitchenAid and a spatula. And my Christmas bowls that I finally got to use last week. It also makes me wish that I had more patience. And a puppy.

I should probably stop now, but I think I’m addicted. And they put links to their favorites, so now I have to look at them. I am doomed to fall into a pit of self loathing because I could never do half the things that these people do.

Holiday Traditions, The Rules

Apparently the rules at this rig are to bring hamburgers back when you go to town. No one told me, so now everyone is mad at me.

Well, I will just console myself with the fact that you can’t find any pink-and-blue-steel-toed boots in your size.

So there.

Today’s Exploit:

My family is slightly devoted to tradition when it comes to holidays. Here are some of the rules:

1. My parents give us gifts for every holiday. Including Valentine’s Day and St. Patrick’s Day. I think I’ve even gotten gifts on Mother’s day. That’s really awkward when I forget to get something for my mother.

2. Santa still delivers gifts. My sister is now 23, I am 26. Santa has visited every year. Even the last two years when Christmas and Thanksgiving became one holiday because my job is anti-family and won’t let me request vacation for holidays.

3. My mother gives me panties for Valentine’s Day. And then my dad get’s embarrassed. And I do too, unless I’m home alone when I open it. Then I think it’s hysterical. Especially when I find out it was my sister who chose the pink ruffle-y ones that are 3 sizes too small. I think I may have to frame them and hang them on my wall.

4. I either am prepared 5 months ahead so I don’t remember what I got since I wrapped the gift 4.5 months ago, or I am desperately looking for something that might work the day before the holiday.

5. Also, if you’re not my visiting me or I’m not visiting you, and I decide to send you something? You will probably receive it in 3.2 months because I am terrible at actually going to the Post Office. I blame my mom, she still has Christmas gifts from 5 years ago on display in her kitchen. Go to the Post Office already, Mom, gosh.

6. My sister tells me I’m the hardest person to shop for each and every time she tries to find a gift for me.

7. Cupcake will tear into anything wrapped in paper with enough gusto for a small theater company while I will carefully slit the tape to keep the paper intact.

8. It’s pretty much guaranteed that whatever the holiday we will all be in our pajamas, except dad, who is almost never in pajamas. Unless he’s getting ready to go skiing and it’s really cold out.

If anyone even thinks of trying to deviate from these rules the rest of the family will violently veto the idea, and attack at the throat if that wasn’t enough. We’re very strict about these rules. No cheating.

Springtime!

Tonight I took pizza and Rice Krispy Treats to dance. The pizza was gone before I got my shoes on, but only 4 pieces of the rice krispys were gone.

I may have to change tactics for future dances.

Today’s Exploit:

I saw this tree today.

Aww, pretty.

I also saw it about a year ago, encased in a quarter inch of ice.

Brr. Can I have these times back?  It's already summer here.

Dancing Up A Storm

I just overdosed on caramel sauce. Please come visit me, I’ll send you away with your own jar to overdose on.

Maybe even a cupcake to go with it.

Today’s Exploit:

I am home and dancing up a storm right now. Shawn has decided that I need to dance for at least 2 hours every day. He is choreographing a routine for the spring showcase. Which is just a fancy name for a recital.

It’s kind of fun and exciting. I spend a lot of time staring at the mirror trying to remember what I just did while Shawn dances and grumbles and makes faces figuring out the next section.

I also spend a lot of time turning red. And lately scraping my toe across the floor. My shoe doesn’t protect it from all of the dragging and sliding around that I’ve been doing.

Then I come home and eat a sundae. Yummy.