Cleanliness is a Virtue

I recently discovered The Bloggess. I have looked at her site before, but it didn’t quite click with me. But the other night I read yet another post that referenced her. So I looked again. I have been reading nonstop for the past 23.8 hours. This lady is hilarious. And she has a snarky advice column. I love her. When I am feeling particularly snarky about some of the self-important people here on this rig I think of her column, and immediately feel a little less snarky.

I like that word. Snarky.

Today’s Exploit:

Yesterday morning I went to the safety meeting. This meeting is required by the company and usually consists of a rig hand mumbling through a safety worksheet.

Yesterday, however, was completely dedicated to keeping the meeting house clean. The company man has very strong feelings about the house (a floor, ceiling and three walls made of plywood). He waxed…something(it wasn't poetic) about how it should be treated as one would treat his own home. Apparently we should be able to walk in the glorified cardboard box with no shoes. This is a very strenuous task for whomever is chosen, considering the two feet of mucky clay on location everyone’s’ feet weigh 43.7 pounds from slogging through it.

The company man talked and talked and talked. He told us for 27 minutes about the need to keep that place clean enough to eat off the floor.

Although, somehow his description morphed into him telling us about some poor guy who was stung by a scorpion in a rather unpleasant place while using a port-a-john. He ended up dislocating his shoulder trying to get out before he pulled his pants up. I don’t remember how this ties in to keeping the house clean, but I know it does. I’ll ask a rig hand, but I’m pretty sure they checked out before I did. I only made it 7.23 minutes.

Rainy Day

Only one puppy was left when I went to say goodbye. I was very sad that she had to live in the box alone.

Me: I hope someone adopts her.

Toolpusher: Oh, she’s not going anywhere; she’s going to be the rig dog.

Me: Good, I’m glad someone will come to play with her.

Toolpusher: Yep, she’s the ugliest of the bunch, but she’s the funest

Baby: Cocks head to the side.

Me: You’re not ugly!

Baby: Cocks head to the other side.

Me: Haha

Today’s Exploit:

It’s been raining here. It’s quite nice when I’m sleeping, with the rain crashing down on the roof. It rather reminds me of the cabin. Hot chocolate, a blanket and a good book on the porch.

But then I have to go outside.

This location is covered by something that, when wet, I can best describe as an amorphous blob of the stickiest, slimiest goo that I have ever encountered. The goo leaves us with two options of crossing the location to get from the trailer to the box.

1. Slip and slide in a manner resembling a very clumsy ice skater until encountering a particularly wet spot where one will sink in up to one’s knees. The remainder of the journey will consist of slopping through goo that is trying to eat anything that touches it. I believe I provide the highest success rate for the goo, as I don’t tie my shoes.

2. Take a very long, meandering course following the tracks of the fork lift. This works because the goo tried to eat the fork lift wheels, but was instead carted off to another position on location leaving normal mud exposed.

This makes my nights very interesting since I tend to cross between the box and the trailer multiple times. It’s even more fun because it’s dark, and I can’t see whether I’m putting my foot in normal mud or the starving gluttonous goo.

Magic Number

The other night I walked up the road so that I could get better cell service and a reprieve from the constant noise of the rig. When I came back I met one of the guys leaving a trailer.

Guy: Are you a country girl?

Me: Confused What?

Guy: Are you from the country? I saw you walking up the road. Not many girls would do that.

Me: Oh, yes. I grew up in a small town.

Guy: Those city people are afraid of everything.

Me: Haha

Today’s Exploit:

One day I was sitting by the company man’s trailer petting the babies. They were all standing with paws on the edge of the box trying to get my attention, and to bite my fingers. One of the company men walked in with another worker.

Co. Man: You know, they’re all up for adoption.

Me: Oh?

Other Guy: Yeah, they go really well in pairs.

Co. Man: Actually the magic number is three.

Me: I’m surprised you didn’t say six.

Co. Man: Haha!

They now have one left, and the Toolpusher is not about to let that baby leave.

Miniature Madness

Today Philip, the guy I am working with, told me that we need to work together more often.  He's never worked with anyone who makes cookies at the rig.  The roughnecks, on the other hand, know quite well.  They hastle me until they get more sugar.

Today's Exploit:

This is Mama.  We take long walks on the beach together.  We also walk down the road and through the grass and weeds.  Then we hurry back to check on the babies.  The babies are always ecstatic to see Mama.  She inspired the smallest to escape the crate that they live in. 

This is Gemma.  She escapes.  This was her first time out.  She was eating dirt, like any other baby.

 Later she took a nap under my leg.

This is Missy.  She really wants to be like Gemma. 

Sunshine and Z just like to take naps.  Z is almost never awake when I visit.

The one with the white ruff didn't make it.  His name was Mel.  He was almost always awake, just watching the madness.

The one in the middle, looking at the camera, is Feist.  She's the trouble maker.  Always biting tails or pulling ears. 











Now that Mama knows they're okay, she leaves.  She likes to lie in the shade just far enough away that they don't go crazy.  Then the madness ends and they take a nap. 

I think I need to go check on them now.

Oh, The Heat!

My work computers have a program that allows access by other computers. The Directional Driller on this job has been using this program to monitor the angle and direction of the well. At first he was pretty good about just looking, but lately he’s started to move windows around, and make changes to my logs.

I find this very irritating, and finally had enough when he did it while I was working in another program on that computer. I had to shut him out. Luckily I can check a box that lets him see, but not touch, or move, or change. I love that little checked box.

Today’s Exploit:

I am still attempting to run every day. But things have gone down hill since the rain. The following day I couldn’t go because my shoes were still wet. After that I ran, but I’m pretty sure it was a shuffle that was slower than my walking pace.

That day I went right after work. I don’t know what the temperature was, but it was hot enough for me to drip sweat while sitting in the shade. But I ran as much as I could.

I was doing alright, until I stopped for a break. That’s when I felt the heat kick in, mostly in my face. And my head felt like it was going to explode. I couldn’t escape, because it was 158 degrees in the shade, with 182% humidity.

I walked the rest of the way.

Last night I waited until almost eight to start. It helped tremendously. And the breeze picked up when I was almost finished. It was amazing! I have decided that I love the wind. I’ll probably hate it again when I visit home in cool weather, but for now it’s my bestest friend.

Chatting

The other night I was woken at 1:22, again. This time it was my sister wanting to chat.  That meant I had to be awake enough to see the screen, and to hit the keys in a semi literate manner.

She talked to me for 13.8 minutes before she realized that I’m not supposed to be up at 1:22 in the morning. I’m working days right now!

Yet another morning of not being fully rested. I need to start going to bed at 7:02 so that I can get enough sleep with the number of times I wake during the night.

Today’s Exploit:

Yesterday I chatted with a friend I went to training with. He is working in Colorado. And he really likes to remind me of that. This is how most of our conversations go.

Taras:
>im kinda glad im in colorado.. the weather doesnt get hot here

Me:
>I hate you. At least it's been rainy the last couple days, so it's only incessantly humid, and not quite as deathly hot.

Taras:
>ewww
>i dont wanna hear that
>reminds me of la

Me:
>I'm pretty sure that the humidity is 237%

Taras:
>like in a steam room?

Me:
>Yep.

Taras:
>sunsets are beautiful here as well
>im going on a vacation after this job.. did i tell u that yet?

Me:
>Yes, thanks again, though
>I don't want to talk to you any more, you're mean

Taras:
>hehe
>im taking 23 days off . .going to ukraine for my friends wedding.. and then to the black sea.. and then shwitserland and france and italy.. and maybe elsewhere..

Then he complains about me being greedy and wanting to take vacations. He also tells me that he doesn’t have a girlfriend because he is too nice.

Nessie

Yesterday morning I got a phone call, on the intercom phone. It was the driller.

Driller: I heard that you were making breakfast for the whole crew.

Me: Really?

Driller: Yes.

Me: Well, that’s a vicious rumor, isn’t it?

Driller: Haha, I’m just teasing.

Later one of the roughnecks came by and gave me a little hand pie and a soda. Now I feel guilty, like I am indebted to them and have to make cookies. I even bought chocolate chips and cherries at the market last night.

But I’m holding out. I haven’t taken the baking box out of my car…yet.

Today’s Exploit:

It has been raining, and raining and raining. A lot.

Yesterday I had Loch Ness outside the door to my box. I think Nessie was there, too. I saw unexplainable ripples every time I opened the door.

Last night it stopped raining, and most of the water soaked in. Now I have the pit of slippery, slimy muck, the kind that never comes off, no matter how hard skin, or clothing, is scrubbed. When I went to get groceries, and to search in vain for a two hole punch, I nearly broke my neck sliding on a particularly nasty patch.

Oh, by the way, the pit of despair is not limited to outside the door of the box. It continues to the trailer, and down the road, and into town. I’m pretty sure it has invaded the southern half of Texas.

Sadly Nessie left when the water was sucked up and turned into slime.

And Another

Yesterday the night mudlogger came over again. I was just getting ready to leave when he came in the box.

Chad: Opens the door and rolls his eyes.

Mudlogger: I came while the genius was here today!

Me: ??

Mudlogger: He said that you were the smartest person he’d ever met.

Me: To Chad Oh my, I’m very concerned for you.

Mudlogger: He said you were good with computers and you could fix my file.

Me: What’s wrong with it?

Chad: It’s a text file and we need to open it in Excel to remove two columns, but we don’t know how. We can save it to the desktop and you can work on it tomorrow.

Me: I’ll try once now.

Click Open File Click Check Accept Delete Columns Save

Chad: I didn’t think to open it that way.

Me: Here’s your file.

Unfortunately it didn’t solve the problem, but now they know how to open it to tweak it.

Today’s Exploit:

Last night I was excited to run because it was overcast and only 96 degrees. Yesterday it was 152 degrees. I set off trudging along. The road to the gate is 0.7 miles. I don’t go outside the gate because everyone tells me it’s dangerous. But the runs are usually pretty boring because I have to go back and forth on the same stretch at least three times, four if I’m motivated.

This time I got to the gate and a dog was sitting there. She was very wet and very excited to see a person. I petted her on the head, and then turned around. I got 17.2 steps when she caught up to me. She had found a way to sneak through the gate. She followed me until we met the horses.

Three horses, two babies and a donkey live on the property.

The donkey was interested in the dog, but my new buddy wasn’t very keen on meeting the donkey so she turned around.

I got about half way through my next lap when it started sprinkling. It was nice so I kept going. This continued just long enough that I was too far from shelter to even bother going back.

Then, suddenly, I was sloshed with a bucketful of water. Then another. And another. I kept going because that was pretty much my only choice. I met the dog again and she followed me to the gate where I put her outside and tightened the chain so she couldn’t sneak back in.

She was not happy about that. She barked and whined and yipped and jumped around and pushed on the fence. I felt really bad about deserting her. I could still hear her when I passed a couple trucks on their way out. I think the dog’s loyalties lay with the last person to pet her, because she stayed outside the gate after that.

I decided to slog through one more lap. I didn’t go all the way to the gate because I could see the dog’s silhouette, and I was starting to be uncomfortably with my drippy clothes and sloshy shoes.

And then I ran home and took a shower.

The end.

Sleepless

I’m back on a rig. Therefore, theoretically, I should be more consistent in posting. Hopefully.

Yesterday the night mudlogger came in asking for a flash drive he’d left.

Mudlogger: You shouldn’t be here.

Me: ??

Mudlogger: Because I have a heart condition.

Me: Uh…

Mudlogger: And you’re pretty.

Me: …

Mudlogger: I was told that you have a sense of humor and I can tease you.

Me: Oh… Ha. Ha.

Today’s Exploit:

Last night I was finally able to go to bed before 11:00. The past few nights have been pretty stressful trying to get equipment working, and worrying that something will go wrong. By the time I got off “work” I had everything working smoothly, and was almost caught up with paperwork. I went to bed thinking I could sleep a little longer and finish it in the morning.

At 1:22 I lived a scene from a scary movie.

In movies, it seems that the protagonist will be violently woken in the middle of the night. After getting to sleep, he or she will have a nice peaceful rest for a short time. Suddenly something will happen and the character will start, sitting straight up, before opening his or her eyes.

I always thought that this was an overdramatized movie trick.

Last night it is exactly what happened to me.

I was sleeping peacefully. Amazing considering the squeaking, clanking, buzzing and roaring that goes on out here.

Suddenly: BAM! BAM! BAM! YOU NEED TO CALL JUSTIN!

I was sitting straight up after the first knock, my eyes opened after the second, and I was somewhat concious after the third.

Chad: We got one survey after circulating twice, but this second one won’t come up at all. I’ve been on the phone with OSC and they said we need to call Justin.

Me: Have the auto…

Chad: Gone

I called to let Justin know what was going on. I’m sure he was just as excited as I was about being awake at 1:24.

Me: Hi Justin, I just called to let you know. Mffg mumble prregt survey problems.

Justin: Ok. Mumble grumble mffrg auto surveys?

Me: Chad left before I could ask. I’m going to see what’s happening. I’ll let you know.

Justin: Ok.

I’m sure we both mumbled and made much less sense than this, but I was still half asleep and this is what I remember.

The following half an hour is rather hazy, but I remember bright lights and finally getting a little blue box on the computer screen. Thank goodness for auto surveys.