Holiday Traditions, The Rules

Apparently the rules at this rig are to bring hamburgers back when you go to town. No one told me, so now everyone is mad at me.

Well, I will just console myself with the fact that you can’t find any pink-and-blue-steel-toed boots in your size.

So there.

Today’s Exploit:

My family is slightly devoted to tradition when it comes to holidays. Here are some of the rules:

1. My parents give us gifts for every holiday. Including Valentine’s Day and St. Patrick’s Day. I think I’ve even gotten gifts on Mother’s day. That’s really awkward when I forget to get something for my mother.

2. Santa still delivers gifts. My sister is now 23, I am 26. Santa has visited every year. Even the last two years when Christmas and Thanksgiving became one holiday because my job is anti-family and won’t let me request vacation for holidays.

3. My mother gives me panties for Valentine’s Day. And then my dad get’s embarrassed. And I do too, unless I’m home alone when I open it. Then I think it’s hysterical. Especially when I find out it was my sister who chose the pink ruffle-y ones that are 3 sizes too small. I think I may have to frame them and hang them on my wall.

4. I either am prepared 5 months ahead so I don’t remember what I got since I wrapped the gift 4.5 months ago, or I am desperately looking for something that might work the day before the holiday.

5. Also, if you’re not my visiting me or I’m not visiting you, and I decide to send you something? You will probably receive it in 3.2 months because I am terrible at actually going to the Post Office. I blame my mom, she still has Christmas gifts from 5 years ago on display in her kitchen. Go to the Post Office already, Mom, gosh.

6. My sister tells me I’m the hardest person to shop for each and every time she tries to find a gift for me.

7. Cupcake will tear into anything wrapped in paper with enough gusto for a small theater company while I will carefully slit the tape to keep the paper intact.

8. It’s pretty much guaranteed that whatever the holiday we will all be in our pajamas, except dad, who is almost never in pajamas. Unless he’s getting ready to go skiing and it’s really cold out.

If anyone even thinks of trying to deviate from these rules the rest of the family will violently veto the idea, and attack at the throat if that wasn’t enough. We’re very strict about these rules. No cheating.