The Breakfast Taco Curse

Summer has already begun. Days are hot and nights are comfortable. Juniper Berries, it’s only February. I have to deal with this nonsense until the end of October!

Today’s Exploit:

Every so often I’ll get a call from the rig floor asking if I want a breakfast taco. I try to decline, but the people who might take “no” as my answer will be offended if I actually say “no”. I’ve noticed that almost anyone who offers food will be offended if I decline.

It’s a curse.

For example, breakfast tacos. Breakfast tacos usually consist of scrambled eggs, bacon or sausage and sometimes potatoes. And, of course, tortillas. The problems is that I don’t like eggs. And I don’t like sausage or bacon (unless it’s a special occasion and we’re at the cabin). And the potatoes are generally cooked into the eggs and pig meat. So I am left to pick out potatoes trying to avoid the eggs and pigs while not appearing to be discriminating. They would be offended if they knew I didn’t like those two immensely important breakfast staples.

Also, generally by the time they offer I’ve already eaten breakfast. So I’m not at all hungry. Then they get worried that I don’t like the tacos because I can’t scarf them down in 3.2 seconds like the boys out here can.

I am left to lie my heart out, telling them how hungry I was and how good the tacos con juevos y pigs were. And while I feel guilty about not particularly liking the tacos I don’t feel the least bit of remorse for lying to them about me not liking the food.

This is a breakthrough. I don’t feel guilty about lying. I will have to ponder this further. Maybe I can extend it to other parts of my life. Maybe I can morph it into the ability to be mean to people who deserve it.

In the mean time I’ll be ballooning up to immense proportions off food that I don’t want, sort of like the girl in “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory” who was obsessed with gum and ate the gum when Mr. Wonka told her not to. I might turn purple as well. So the next time you see a big purple blimp with a head say hi, it’s probably me.