Root Beer Float Sundaes. Yum

I went and watched a movie with a friend from one of the rigs the other night.  I was silly and let him put his arm around me.

I think I may have gotten myself into trouble.

Today’s Exploit:

On my way to this rig I stopped in Austin.  

I had called my cousin, Brandi, and asked if she wanted to get dinner.  She agreed and I started on my way.  

The only problem was that I took too long.  By the time I got there it was after 10.  In the big cities restaurants stay open until 10, I didn’t know that until a few months ago.  Probably 2.7.  

So, anyway.  By the time I got there nothing was open, unless we were desperate enough for fast food.  

We were not.

So we went to the market and got some vanilla ice cream.  Because we are both rather boring and that’s our favorite.  

Then we stopped at the “toppings” shelf.  It was overwhelming.  

We both stared vacantly at the rack for 3.8 minutes.  

I think we were about to give up and just have plain vanilla ice cream when we saw it:  Root Beer Float Sauce.

Did you know they made such a thing?  

We took it back to her apartment and found some bowls and spoons.  I half poured, half scooped ice cream into bowls and then opened the sauce.  I squeezed the bottle to see what it smelled like.

It immediately made a farting sound and whooshed out air.  

I was holding the bottle a bit too close to my face, so I choked and sneezed.  

Brandi cracked up.

I probably turned red.  Because that’s what I do.

I decided that the best move now would be just to pour it over the ice cream.  So I did, and it was pretty good.  

And we laughed and talked and gobbled up the ice cream like crazy fiends. 

The Cheesy Vampyre Series

I’m being lazy.

All I’ve done for the last 3 days is buy books and read them.  

Today’s Exploit:

I went to San Antonio the other day.  

I wanted to go to a book store for another book in the series I’m reading.  A cheesy series about teenage vampyres.  It’s one of those books that has to use old English spelling because it makes them seem more mystical.  

At any rate it’s entertaining.  And I wanted another.

Naturally that was the only one in the series that the bookstore didn’t have.  

Therefore I had to find 8 other books to make up for it.  

I got some big kid books, like, a biography and something about hedgehogs.  I also got some fantasy books, because they’re the best.  And I decided to be nice and buy the next two books in the cheesy vampire series that my sister is reading.

I asked her which ones she needed, and when she didn’t answer I asked my mom, because she’s reading them too.  

My mom answered.  I found the books and checked out.

Lucky for my sister, she was 32 seconds late in telling me not to get them.  

She claims she might need to get them for her fire trip.  The one she was supposed to go on last Wednesday.  

Wahahahahahaha.

Too bad, so sad.  Now you HAVE TO WAIT!

Wake Up Call

My sister likes a Taylor Swift song.  

The apocalypse must be coming.

Today’s Exploit:

6:05 am

Tommy:  Where’s Nut Plug?  Sleeping in again?

Me:  I guess so.

Tommy:  I’ll get him up.

Bang bang bangbangbangbang 

Patrick:  Was that you banging on the door?

Tommy:  Me?  What?  No, I didn’t hear anything.

Patrick:  Oh, I thought it was someone from outside.

Tommy:  It must have been the company man looking for Nut Plug.  It is after 6.

The company man has nicknamed us Mica and Nut Plug.  The DDs think it’s hilarious.  They use every excuse they can find to cal Patrick “Nut Plug”.

Also, Patrick has a hard time getting up on time.  He’s decided to sleep in another trailer because Tommy and Tony are bad influences.  We’ll see if it makes a difference at about 6 this morning.

Muscles on Display

I did 4 crossword puzzles last night, I think that qualifies me to be in the nerd herd again.

Today’s Exploit:

Patrick asked me if I noticed that I got more muscles when I started this job.  He was rather shocked when I told him I lost my muscles, and that I started doing P90x to get them back.  

He told me about how hard he thinks it is to lift the tool.  When we were rigging up he was very worried about me putting up the satellite dish because it is the heavy part of the job.  Then he waited until I took a nap so that I could be up for my shift and got a roughneck to help him move the tool, sneaky boy.

Later, when we were on the rig floor, someone made a comment about having us work as roughnecks (half of their crew didn’t show up).  So I flexed and said, “Rawr”.  

They all laughed at me, naturally.

Then Patrick asked if he could see my muscles when I was rolling up my sleeves.  

I don’t know what came over me, but I flexed again.

Then he asked if he could touch them.  

Um, okay?

I laughed and was embarrassed, and then I tried to forget about it.

Tony came over to talk to us about picking up our tools, and 2.1 minutes into that conversation Patrick asks Tony, “Have you ever seen her muscles?  Have her show them to you!”

Cue red face and stutter.

I Don’t Think They Believe Me

Patrick doesn’t believe that I have a hard time making friends on rigs.  

He also thinks I’m normal.

Today’s Exploit:

When I went to the office I told my manager that I want to move to the Rockies.  

He was telling me how horrible Houston is.  The traffic’s terrible, the sprawl is terrible, the heat is terrible, the humidity, the drought, the hurricanes...

I told him that I agreed with him, and that I want to move to Colorado; I miss the mountains, and winter.  And temperatures below 576 degrees.

He chuckled and told me that I’d have to work mostly in North Dakota, where it’s always cold.  

I admitted that the cold might not be fun.  Somehow I think he took that to mean I’d changed my mind.  

Not so.  I’d rather suffer through the cold than suffer through the heat.  Maybe he’ll start to believe me if I tell him again.  

I might have to start calling him occasionally, just to tell him that I want to transfer.  Maybe he’ll let me move if I’m obnoxious enough.

One of the roughnecks told me the other day that you can’t put on enough clothes to stay warm in the north.  But you can take off enough to stay cool in the south.  

I disagree with his logic.  But then I haven’t worn a real coat since I started working here.

I Would Show You, But He Said No

Patrick is crazy.  He actually WANTS to do all the work.  He was also horrified that he fell asleep last night (at about 3), and didn’t wake up in time for his shift (at 6).  

We haven’t started doing anything yet. 

Today’s Exploit:

The other week my friend Joseph had some pictures taken.  Turns out he’s some sort of music person who sells beats to people to use in their songs.  So he had to get pictures to be “legit”.  

He sent me one when he got them.  

It was terrifying.  I think I threw my phone.  

In the picture he had dark, morbid makeup, and blood all over his hands and teeth.  And what looked like a huge knife cutting through his face.  

Gross.  

He thinks it’s hilarious that it scared me.  

I think it’s creepy that he liked the picture.

PS  He’s said he’s going to send me a video of The Sexy Walk.  I’m holding him to it.

Ha Ha. Tricked You!

The guy:  Outdoor adventure guide.  Travels all over the states for activities similar to a Ropes course.

The line:  I’ve stayed in some pretty amazing places, and I’ve woken up to many views that rival your beauty.


The response:  ... HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Today’s Exploit:

I was really excited to come to this job because I thought I’d get to be the boss.  Not only work days, but be in charge as well.  I would be working with a contractor.

I was happily setting things up in the trailer when Patrick showed up.  

He’s not a contractor.  He’s just out of Eng-1, the three month class to learn about the basic tools.  

After getting most of our gear set up I finally hooked up the internet and got some emails.  

Turns out I get to work nights.  

Again.

Patrick has to break out on this job.  

I’m not sure I’m the best candidate to break him out.  I’ve led three jobs in my time here.  I’ve only worked with someone less qualified than I once before.

Also the rig is broken.  I’m beginning to think it’s me that causes these problems, for reals.

I Was the Hero of the Day

I spent all day doing nothing.

I feel like I’m at work.  Although I had more friends at work.

Today’s Exploit:

On my drive home I was trucking right a long when I saw a small brown blur bounding down the hill along the interstate.  

As I got closer I could distinguish a dog bounding closer and closer to the road.  I told it not to get on the road, because people don’t watch where they’re going very well.  

When I passed it I saw that it was a puppy.  

I had to stop.

I got off the highway and went back until I was pretty sure I was where the puppy was.  

Then I saw the others.  

Five of them were playing near a bush.  

My stomach sunk.  I was sure that they were abandoned.  

I went over to them to see if they were ok.  All of them were fat and playful.  So they weren’t abandoned.  Whew.

Then I looked down the hill for the one that had gone by the main highway.  

Three of them were playing in a storm drain.  

I chased and teased six of them into the yard of the house that was nearby.  Then I went to the door to see if they belonged at the house.  

Three kids answered the door.  They were shocked that the puppies had gotten out, but they didn’t know how many there were.  

What kid doesn’t know how many puppies are living in their yard?  

So I went back to the road to check that all the puppies had been rescued.  And the kids went back inside.  

There was one more.  I caught it and took it to the yard where the little boy was rounding the others up so that they couldn’t escape again.  

I did my good deed for the day.  And I got to play with some puppies.  

"Starla Was Really ‘Barassed', as Cupcake would say

I went to the store today for breakfast.  

I ended up with pasta, pasta sauce and pasta soup.

Today’s Exploit:

Did I tell you that my last rig was on the beach?  

It was.

The beach is a windy place.  

The rig is a dusty place.

The rig on the beach is a humid place.

By the time I left the rig Starla was covered in an inch of dust.

Ok, maybe not a whole inch.  

I could barely see out my door windows.  The only thing I could make out through the rearview was headlights late at night.  

I finally broke down and went to a gas station just to use their window washers.  And I dirtied all the soapy water they had getting that mud of the rear windshield.  Also, I got to where I could tell where Starla was by the dirt in the wind.  And the fact that she was the only car that was dirt colored.  

We got home last night.  

We spent most of the drive with people staring at us.  

At first I thought that I was just passing a larger amount of nosy people than usual.  

Then I remembered the color of my car.  I laughed a lot.  Starla blushed.

So, today, when I went to get some milk I decided that I should probably wash her.  Partly because I was getting filthy every time I tried to go somewhere.  And partly because Starla was very self-conscious with all that dust.