Todd, otherwise known as PawPaw, likes to make me jump. The other day I was standing next to the driller watching the guys on the board, the platform up the mast. He knew I wasn’t watching and pressed the call button on the intercom. The buzzer was right next to my ear.
Today he gave me a packet that he claimed was rattlesnake eggs. I was rather incredulous, but I took it. As soon as it left his hands it started moving and making a fluttering noise. He had bent a paperclip into an arc and strung a washer between two rubber bands on the ends. Then he’d twisted the washer until the bands were tight and put it in a small paper envelope. When pressure was taken off the washer it spun back to its static position, sounding like a rattlesnake tail in the process.
Today’s Exploit:
Tonight one of the toolpushers asked me if I wanted pork chops for dinner. Normally I would say no to pork chops, but for some reason tonight I said yes. I thought it would be a buffet setup with all the guys going through taking a plate.
It turns out he’d invited me to eat with them. Just me, just them. When I got to the trailer they had already set the table and served everything except the meat. I wasn’t sure what to do at first. It took a while to process the setup.
My first complete thought was that this would be A.K.W.A.R.D.
Some history on these toolpushers: I have never really talked to either one. They were here my first week, before I left my box, and returned last week. Johnny’s older and doesn’t seem to care one way or the other, but Jared seems to avoid me if at all possible. This led to me never having a conversation with either of them until tonight. Luckily it turned out to be not bad, and I even stayed after we’d cleaned up to visit. Everyone in the oilfield has a story about Wyoming, and they all think it’s of utmost importance to tell me. Mostly it’s okay, but it really makes me miss the cool weather.
Of course, now I’m leaving this rig because I made more friends.
Wednesday, June 23
Tuesday, June 22
Hugs
At the safety meeting last night the main conversation was the new dog at the rig. It is ‘a very pretty German Shepherd’. And ‘very well trained’.
Why couldn’t it be well trained when I was trying to get it to go home? Why couldn’t it be well trained when it met Little Buddy, rather than attacking her? Darn dogs.
Today’s Exploit:
This morning I was running around like crazy trying to get paperwork done for a new run. I went to see the directional drillers, Glen and Glenn, to get a list of the tools we would be using. Both of them were up, bickering over everything they could.
I gave them the dimensions for my tool and visited for a while. In that time they argued over lengths of the tools, the bit they wanted to use, and where to take surveys.
I finally left to do some more work, and 3.2 minutes later they called me back asking the distances to my sensors. I had to return to get lengths of pieces between the bit and my tool.
Glen: The distance from bit to the end of your tool has decreased two feet, so is the sensor length two feet less?
Me: Not necessarily.
Glenn: Sheesh, you expect her to calculate that right here?
Me: Can you print the BHA so that I can enter it?
Glen: No, the computer crashed so we had to get the backup. Then the printer crashed and we don’t have the driver to install it on this computer. And the internet is down so we can’t download it.
Me: Can you print it to PDF on a memory card so that I can take it?
Glenn: First of all he’d have to know how to print to PDF..
Glen: I was going to do that…
Glenn: Click on file, then print. He has Alzheimer’s, I have to remind him sometimes.
Glen: Don’t listen to him.
Glenn: He and Johnny sometimes wander off and I have to go guide them back. They usually end up picking flowers in the forest.
Me: Haha
Somehow the conversation then gravitated to hugs.
Glen: There’s no hugging and no crying in the oilfield
Glenn: We could all have a group hug!
Glen: (To me) I would be okay with hugging you. But group hugs do not belong in the oilfield. I will never hug him.
Why couldn’t it be well trained when I was trying to get it to go home? Why couldn’t it be well trained when it met Little Buddy, rather than attacking her? Darn dogs.
Today’s Exploit:
This morning I was running around like crazy trying to get paperwork done for a new run. I went to see the directional drillers, Glen and Glenn, to get a list of the tools we would be using. Both of them were up, bickering over everything they could.
I gave them the dimensions for my tool and visited for a while. In that time they argued over lengths of the tools, the bit they wanted to use, and where to take surveys.
I finally left to do some more work, and 3.2 minutes later they called me back asking the distances to my sensors. I had to return to get lengths of pieces between the bit and my tool.
Glen: The distance from bit to the end of your tool has decreased two feet, so is the sensor length two feet less?
Me: Not necessarily.
Glenn: Sheesh, you expect her to calculate that right here?
Me: Can you print the BHA so that I can enter it?
Glen: No, the computer crashed so we had to get the backup. Then the printer crashed and we don’t have the driver to install it on this computer. And the internet is down so we can’t download it.
Me: Can you print it to PDF on a memory card so that I can take it?
Glenn: First of all he’d have to know how to print to PDF..
Glen: I was going to do that…
Glenn: Click on file, then print. He has Alzheimer’s, I have to remind him sometimes.
Glen: Don’t listen to him.
Glenn: He and Johnny sometimes wander off and I have to go guide them back. They usually end up picking flowers in the forest.
Me: Haha
Somehow the conversation then gravitated to hugs.
Glen: There’s no hugging and no crying in the oilfield
Glenn: We could all have a group hug!
Glen: (To me) I would be okay with hugging you. But group hugs do not belong in the oilfield. I will never hug him.
Monday, June 21
Dog Magnet
When I went home my mom spent ages torturing me about how she was able to watch So You Think You Can Dance. It’s pretty much my favorite show. And I’m always working while it’s on.
Last night I broke down and did some “illegal” streaming on the work internet. In one of the episodes I caught a quote that I liked a lot.
“I found dance as an outlet, now I want to use it as an exit.” -Tyrell Rolle
I thought it was very clever, and very interesting.
Today’s Exploit:
Today on my run I went longer than I usually do. Little Buddy had disappeared with the company man, but somehow sensed that I was going and followed me. We had gone about two and a half miles when we came to a driveway. Little Buddy was about 30 feet behind me because she likes the advantage when I turn around.
I saw a shape, and heard a bark. Then I heard some scrabbling behind me and when I turned Little Buddy was gone and two big dogs were loping down the road .
I started of on the way back to the rig. The big dogs followed. I turned and tried to get them to go home. Three times.
One finally stopped following, but the other stayed with me all the way back.
When I got back Little Buddy decided she was a little more bold and barked at him. I started walking to cool down but was interrupted by barking and yelping. Frankie came out and threw rocks at the dogs to get them to stop fighting.
I continued with my little walk with Little Buddy on one side, and the other dog following behind. Every so often they’d have a little scuffle for attention.
Currently I’m thoroughly sick of both of them.
Last night I broke down and did some “illegal” streaming on the work internet. In one of the episodes I caught a quote that I liked a lot.
“I found dance as an outlet, now I want to use it as an exit.” -Tyrell Rolle
I thought it was very clever, and very interesting.
Today’s Exploit:
Today on my run I went longer than I usually do. Little Buddy had disappeared with the company man, but somehow sensed that I was going and followed me. We had gone about two and a half miles when we came to a driveway. Little Buddy was about 30 feet behind me because she likes the advantage when I turn around.
I saw a shape, and heard a bark. Then I heard some scrabbling behind me and when I turned Little Buddy was gone and two big dogs were loping down the road .
I started of on the way back to the rig. The big dogs followed. I turned and tried to get them to go home. Three times.
One finally stopped following, but the other stayed with me all the way back.
When I got back Little Buddy decided she was a little more bold and barked at him. I started walking to cool down but was interrupted by barking and yelping. Frankie came out and threw rocks at the dogs to get them to stop fighting.
I continued with my little walk with Little Buddy on one side, and the other dog following behind. Every so often they’d have a little scuffle for attention.
Currently I’m thoroughly sick of both of them.
Sunday, June 20
The Tractor Story
Friday night I saw several bugs that I hadn’t seen before. The first one I followed around for a while. It was about an inch and a half long, and red and black striped, but it was too fast to focus on very well. When I explained it this is what they told me it was.
I don’t remember it having that many stripes, but the general shape is about right.
Then PawPaw, one of the roughnecks, brought a beetle into the dog house while I was there. It had huge, serrated pincers. A couple of the guys entertained themselves by trying to get their fingers between the pincers.
They weren’t successful, but it would have served them right if they were. The beetle was about three inches long, and the pincers another two inches.
Today’s Exploit:
The past few days I have just been waiting for a run to finish so that I can be useful again. After they got stuck they had to do a “wiper run” to clean the hole. They didn’t use my tool for that run, so my life was meaningless for those three days.
During that time I spent a lot of time in the dog house, listening to stories. Mac told many stories about riding various ATVs. The one I remember most was about a trip he took with his girlfriend.
They were out riding in a very remote area and he let her drive. One thing led to another and somehow they wrecked resulting in Mac’s foot being trapped under the vehicle. He was not in a position that he could provide leverage to move it, and his girlfriend was too small to do it.
Mac: I was stuck there, with my foot trapped for about half an hour before we got help. And then I got run over by a tractor.
Me: …
That last line left me speechless.
Somehow that was a lead-in for another story, about how the tractor incident came about. But his line reminded me of my sister’s line: and then I found five dollars, which she used to make a boring story more interesting.
Photo from here.
I don’t remember it having that many stripes, but the general shape is about right.
Then PawPaw, one of the roughnecks, brought a beetle into the dog house while I was there. It had huge, serrated pincers. A couple of the guys entertained themselves by trying to get their fingers between the pincers.
Photo from here.
They weren’t successful, but it would have served them right if they were. The beetle was about three inches long, and the pincers another two inches.
Today’s Exploit:
The past few days I have just been waiting for a run to finish so that I can be useful again. After they got stuck they had to do a “wiper run” to clean the hole. They didn’t use my tool for that run, so my life was meaningless for those three days.
During that time I spent a lot of time in the dog house, listening to stories. Mac told many stories about riding various ATVs. The one I remember most was about a trip he took with his girlfriend.
They were out riding in a very remote area and he let her drive. One thing led to another and somehow they wrecked resulting in Mac’s foot being trapped under the vehicle. He was not in a position that he could provide leverage to move it, and his girlfriend was too small to do it.
Mac: I was stuck there, with my foot trapped for about half an hour before we got help. And then I got run over by a tractor.
Me: …
That last line left me speechless.
Somehow that was a lead-in for another story, about how the tractor incident came about. But his line reminded me of my sister’s line: and then I found five dollars, which she used to make a boring story more interesting.
Saturday, June 19
Monster Killer Bugs
The other night I was walking across location when Todd called to me. When I went to se what he wanted he asked if I wanted some watermelon. I said that I would have a piece, so he started getting it out of the bag. I turned away, and when I looked back he’d taken out half of a watermelon to give me.
Me: I don’t need that much!
Todd: Well, just take it and toss what you don’t want.
Me: Ok?
Today’s Exploit:
While riding in the jeep we encountered some of the bugs that chase me as I run. We had the windows down and two of the flies got in. They immediately began buzzing around our heads. Logan grabbed a hat and started swinging it around. I was cowering in the corner trying not to be smacked by the hat while Logan hit every surface he could come into contact with.
They finally flew out and we shut the windows as fast as we could.
Me: They’re monsters, aren’t they?
Logan: Yeah! They’re Killer Monster Bugs!
We drove a little further before we heard the buzzing again.
Logan: The killer monster bugs are back!
He started swing around again until he stunned it. Then he got a flashlight out to find it and squish it.
Every time we stopped or had to roll the windows down to see after that we did it as quick as possible.
Me: I don’t need that much!
Todd: Well, just take it and toss what you don’t want.
Me: Ok?
Today’s Exploit:
While riding in the jeep we encountered some of the bugs that chase me as I run. We had the windows down and two of the flies got in. They immediately began buzzing around our heads. Logan grabbed a hat and started swinging it around. I was cowering in the corner trying not to be smacked by the hat while Logan hit every surface he could come into contact with.
They finally flew out and we shut the windows as fast as we could.
Me: They’re monsters, aren’t they?
Logan: Yeah! They’re Killer Monster Bugs!
We drove a little further before we heard the buzzing again.
Logan: The killer monster bugs are back!
He started swing around again until he stunned it. Then he got a flashlight out to find it and squish it.
Every time we stopped or had to roll the windows down to see after that we did it as quick as possible.
Friday, June 18
Snake!
Last night I was sitting on the rig floor, out of the way, watching the roughnecks work. I try to stay out of the way, but close enough that I can see what is happening. Every so often I’ll pick up something new. While I was watching one of the company men came out.
Co. Man: You’re watching pretty intently, do you want to be pulling slips?
Me: Yes!
Co. Man: No you don’t.
Me: …..
Today’s Exploit:
A few days ago I went riding in “the Jeep” with Logan looking for mud. All of these boys like taking vehicles, jacking them up, putting gigantic wheels on them and getting them muddy.
This translates to getting stuck, thus getting very dirty.
So, naturally we got stuck.
I was closer to dry land, so I jumped out first. Logan dug around the back until he found the control for his winch. In the mean time I was examining our situation. The jeep was in mud that probably would have come up to my knees.
He finally found the control and opened his door.
There was a snake coiled on the little island in the mud pit.
It was a huge snake, and vicious and threatening, and hungry. And it was Going To GET US! It was actually about three inches across all wound up. But neither of us knew what kind it was so we avoided it. We got the winch wrapped around a tree, and I was sent back to the jeep to put it into gear.
We got free without any problem. I give the credit to my amazing skills in letting out the clutch while the winch was winding.
Co. Man: You’re watching pretty intently, do you want to be pulling slips?
Me: Yes!
Co. Man: No you don’t.
Me: …..
Today’s Exploit:
A few days ago I went riding in “the Jeep” with Logan looking for mud. All of these boys like taking vehicles, jacking them up, putting gigantic wheels on them and getting them muddy.
This translates to getting stuck, thus getting very dirty.
So, naturally we got stuck.
I was closer to dry land, so I jumped out first. Logan dug around the back until he found the control for his winch. In the mean time I was examining our situation. The jeep was in mud that probably would have come up to my knees.
He finally found the control and opened his door.
There was a snake coiled on the little island in the mud pit.
It was a huge snake, and vicious and threatening, and hungry. And it was Going To GET US! It was actually about three inches across all wound up. But neither of us knew what kind it was so we avoided it. We got the winch wrapped around a tree, and I was sent back to the jeep to put it into gear.
We got free without any problem. I give the credit to my amazing skills in letting out the clutch while the winch was winding.
Wednesday, June 16
Inside Out
This morning I decided to just take a short walk. Little Buddy went with me, as usual. She chased a few of the trucks as the guys left. They all went really fast because they get to go home today.
On the way back she was nosing around in the grass. The grass is pretty tall right now, and it nearly hides her. All of a sudden she took off, running as fast as she could through the grass. When it finally petered out she stopped and came back to me, dripping.
I think she preferred this method of bathing to being tortured in a bathtub with running water.
Today’s Exploit:
Last night I was walking across the location when Uncle Mike came up to me. He asked me what was happening on the rig floor. He’d seen the company men, the toolpusher and the directional driller all go up there in a hurry. I didn’t know, so we and another roughneck went up to investigate. We were halfway up the stairs when we heard a loud clang and the rig started rocking.
Mike turned to us: We’re stuck!
We all went inside to join the party watching Logan jar on the pipe to free it. A few minutes later Billy Joe and Knapp came in to see. While we were all sitting there the toolpusher, Chris, challenged us to turn Styrofoam cups inside out without cracking the bottom. I thought they were trying to trick me, so I just watched for a while.
Apparently it’s possible, and we went through half a stack of cups in our attempts. Billy Joe finally succeeded after about seven cups. He was very proud of it. He filled it with water and tromped around the location showing it to everyone. I got one inside out, but it leaked a little.
The hard part, after they got started, was finishing it. The tops of the cups are thicker than the rest.
On the way back she was nosing around in the grass. The grass is pretty tall right now, and it nearly hides her. All of a sudden she took off, running as fast as she could through the grass. When it finally petered out she stopped and came back to me, dripping.
I think she preferred this method of bathing to being tortured in a bathtub with running water.
Today’s Exploit:
Last night I was walking across the location when Uncle Mike came up to me. He asked me what was happening on the rig floor. He’d seen the company men, the toolpusher and the directional driller all go up there in a hurry. I didn’t know, so we and another roughneck went up to investigate. We were halfway up the stairs when we heard a loud clang and the rig started rocking.
Mike turned to us: We’re stuck!
We all went inside to join the party watching Logan jar on the pipe to free it. A few minutes later Billy Joe and Knapp came in to see. While we were all sitting there the toolpusher, Chris, challenged us to turn Styrofoam cups inside out without cracking the bottom. I thought they were trying to trick me, so I just watched for a while.
Apparently it’s possible, and we went through half a stack of cups in our attempts. Billy Joe finally succeeded after about seven cups. He was very proud of it. He filled it with water and tromped around the location showing it to everyone. I got one inside out, but it leaked a little.
The hard part, after they got started, was finishing it. The tops of the cups are thicker than the rest.
Tuesday, June 15
He Can See the Future
It turns out Billy Joe is a barber, disguised as a roughneck. Recently all the guys out here have wanted haircuts. So they disappear for about 30 minutes to the magic little barber shop. When they come back, I like to tease Billy Joe about being the local professional beautician. He gets a little defensive when I said that.
Me: So, you’re the local beautician?
Billy Joe: No! I’m a BARBER. I don’t style hair, I just cut it.
Me: Haha.
Billy Joe: (A little embarrassed) I do know how to dye though, I had to do it to get my certification.
I guess I teased him more than I thought because later I was sitting in my box when I heard the door latch move. I went and opened the door to find two shadows scrambling to get away and Chris telling me that those two tried to lock me in. Billy Joe, Knap and Chris had tied a rope to the handle in an attempt to prevent the door from opening.
Locking the door is far easier than they realize, but I’m not about to tell them that.
Today’s Exploit:
Last night I was sitting in the dog house listening to several guys talk about riding motorcycles and rock crawling and mudding. Logan tried futilely to convince me that motorcycles are safe and I should not only try riding one, but buy his.
After arguing for a while we progressed to mudding. They found out that I had never been. Billy Joe, who apparently thinks he is God, told us that Logan would take me in the morning. He also told us that if I complained that Logan would kick me out of the jeep and make me walk back.
Later I was writing some notes on my computer for later posts when Billy Joe came up and asked to see what I was writing about, and if it was about going mudding.
Billy Joe: Are you writing about going out in the jeep? Let me read it.
Me: No way. I cant’ write about something that hasn’t happened yet! It’s just notes.
Billy Joe: I want to read about the future!
Me: I thought you could see the future.
Billy Joe: I just wanted to make sure I haven’t lost my touch.
Logan: Just sits and watches us bicker, with a half smile.
Me: So, you’re the local beautician?
Billy Joe: No! I’m a BARBER. I don’t style hair, I just cut it.
Me: Haha.
Billy Joe: (A little embarrassed) I do know how to dye though, I had to do it to get my certification.
I guess I teased him more than I thought because later I was sitting in my box when I heard the door latch move. I went and opened the door to find two shadows scrambling to get away and Chris telling me that those two tried to lock me in. Billy Joe, Knap and Chris had tied a rope to the handle in an attempt to prevent the door from opening.
Locking the door is far easier than they realize, but I’m not about to tell them that.
Today’s Exploit:
Last night I was sitting in the dog house listening to several guys talk about riding motorcycles and rock crawling and mudding. Logan tried futilely to convince me that motorcycles are safe and I should not only try riding one, but buy his.
After arguing for a while we progressed to mudding. They found out that I had never been. Billy Joe, who apparently thinks he is God, told us that Logan would take me in the morning. He also told us that if I complained that Logan would kick me out of the jeep and make me walk back.
Later I was writing some notes on my computer for later posts when Billy Joe came up and asked to see what I was writing about, and if it was about going mudding.
Billy Joe: Are you writing about going out in the jeep? Let me read it.
Me: No way. I cant’ write about something that hasn’t happened yet! It’s just notes.
Billy Joe: I want to read about the future!
Me: I thought you could see the future.
Billy Joe: I just wanted to make sure I haven’t lost my touch.
Logan: Just sits and watches us bicker, with a half smile.
Monday, June 14
You Should Know
When I was home, my mom wanted to do a “Photo Shoot”. She and my dad both had cameras and took as many pictures as they could. This resulted in many ridiculous pictures and my dad calling me: “you older lady”. My sister was thrilled. I was offended.
Today’s Exploit:
Last night I was the number-one-all-star roughneck. They decided that my tool wasn’t being fast enough, so they wanted to change it out. That means pulling all the pipe and racking it back. It looks like a forest of steel trees with very little foliage right at the very top. The roughnecks decided to blame me for the misfortune of extra work. Billy Joe and Juan decided that my punishment would be to pull slips and make 40 cupcakes.
Slips are the very heavy wedges that go between the pipe and the outside of the well. They keep the pipe from falling back to the bottom. I’ve posted a picture of them here. They are very heavy and rather unwieldy.
I was finally able to get into a pattern pulling slips, getting out of the way for them to rack the pipe, and then numbering it to double check the hole depth and to make sure they had as much as they thought. It was then that Billy Joe decided to start working. He was the one that hassled me the most about “roughnecking”, and then he came and took my job.
Me: Hey!
Billy Joe: Take a break; I’m afraid they’ll give my job to you.
Me: Fine.
Then he tried to start numbering them, too!
Me: Hey! You already took one of my jobs, don’t be taking my other.
Billy Joe: Oh, sorry. I thought you weren’t doing that anymore, you were so slow.
Me: Humph!
Later, when they got to the heavyweight pipe they started over again on the numbering system.
Billy Joe: This one is one.
Me: Ok, thanks.
Billy Joe: The next one is two.
Me: Really? I was a little confused, you had me all discombobulated after making fun of me all night.
Billy Joe: Discon-what-ulation?
Me: Discombobulated.
Billy Joe: You can’t use words like that around roughnecks!
Me: Haha! See what you get for making fun of my numbering skills?
Billy Joe: It goes 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 8, 10, and don’t you forget that!
Logan: Billy Joe, draw an arrow down and write Agitator on the last one.
Billy Joe: PJ, write agitator on that one.
Me: Writing
Billy Joe: I’m glad you wrote it, I didn’t know how to spell agitator.
Today’s Exploit:
Last night I was the number-one-all-star roughneck. They decided that my tool wasn’t being fast enough, so they wanted to change it out. That means pulling all the pipe and racking it back. It looks like a forest of steel trees with very little foliage right at the very top. The roughnecks decided to blame me for the misfortune of extra work. Billy Joe and Juan decided that my punishment would be to pull slips and make 40 cupcakes.
Slips are the very heavy wedges that go between the pipe and the outside of the well. They keep the pipe from falling back to the bottom. I’ve posted a picture of them here. They are very heavy and rather unwieldy.
I was finally able to get into a pattern pulling slips, getting out of the way for them to rack the pipe, and then numbering it to double check the hole depth and to make sure they had as much as they thought. It was then that Billy Joe decided to start working. He was the one that hassled me the most about “roughnecking”, and then he came and took my job.
Me: Hey!
Billy Joe: Take a break; I’m afraid they’ll give my job to you.
Me: Fine.
Then he tried to start numbering them, too!
Me: Hey! You already took one of my jobs, don’t be taking my other.
Billy Joe: Oh, sorry. I thought you weren’t doing that anymore, you were so slow.
Me: Humph!
Later, when they got to the heavyweight pipe they started over again on the numbering system.
Billy Joe: This one is one.
Me: Ok, thanks.
Billy Joe: The next one is two.
Me: Really? I was a little confused, you had me all discombobulated after making fun of me all night.
Billy Joe: Discon-what-ulation?
Me: Discombobulated.
Billy Joe: You can’t use words like that around roughnecks!
Me: Haha! See what you get for making fun of my numbering skills?
Billy Joe: It goes 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 8, 10, and don’t you forget that!
Logan: Billy Joe, draw an arrow down and write Agitator on the last one.
Billy Joe: PJ, write agitator on that one.
Me: Writing
Billy Joe: I’m glad you wrote it, I didn’t know how to spell agitator.
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