Showering is Hazardous

Some very resilient flowers, hanging in there after 3 nights of freezing weather:

Today’s Exploit:

Last night the trailer ran out of water.  This happens occasionally, usually noticed when dish water stops running or someone’s laundry never finishes a cycle.  

Every so often it catches someone in a bit more awkward position.  

Last night the water ran out while I was in the shower.  

Thankfully I had about a 90.342 second warning when the water pressure started to drop.  I managed to get most of the soap out of my hair before the water was completely gone.  

I suppose I should be happy I didn’t run out of HOT water halfway through like I regularly did on the last job.  Due to the washer being cross-hosed (?). Everyone would wash clothes on “cold” and use all the hot water, right before I was ready to get in after a run.

It Was a Bit Drafty, Just Didn’t Realize the Extent

We had a fire today. We had to stop working so that the roughnecks could put on their firefighter hats and save the day. 

PS A rig is not a good place for a fire, the whole thing can blow up. Especially if we have gas returns.

Today’s Exploit:

I’ve had another wardrobe malfunction. 

It was rather embarrassing.

I couldn’t even go hide afterward, they made me keep working.

Ok, I don’t know if anyone else actually noticed, but they could have!

Anyway...I was doing my job, getting the tool ready for the new run. I was all ready to go and had even moved it to the catwalk (it’s really called that) to be ready to pick it up.

*Side note* *My tool is about 30 feet long, weights about 180 pounds and requires the air-hoist, or hydraulic-hoist, or whatever-hoist to lift it to the rig floor.* 

Then they lowered down the old one, so that I could pull it down the catwalk (it’s really called that) and swap the lifting mechanism to the new tool.

Before the bottom of the tool reaches the catwalk (it’s really called that) it hits a ledge, where they can leave big collars and drill pipe that they might need soon. I put my foot up on the v-door for leverage and pulled the tool off the ledge. 

RRRRIIIIIPPPP!!!!!!!!!

My thoughts: Crap, my pants ripped, I hope no one notices. I didn’t think these ones were that old, and they don’t even look worn.

I pulled the tool down along the catwalk (it’s really called that) and set it down as gently as possible.

That was when I got a chance to look at the RRRRIIIIIPPPP.

No chance it was just a small one. Oh no. They ripped from the middle of my zipper down to the middle of my thigh. That’s a good 10 inches. 

So, there I was, parading up and down the catwalk (it’s really called that) with a brand new fashion statement going on. Not a particularly good one, either. 

Since everyone was waiting on me, I had the joy of picking up the other tool, going up to the rig floor to make sure it was sitting properly in the collar and putting a new o-ring on the flow sleeve.

It wasn’t until I went down to change into my backup pants that I realized how visible my electric pink and garish purple leopard print panties were.

Oh joy.

Well, That Was Awkward, Please Refrain From Such Comments in the Future

Today’s sunrise.

Also featuring a dirt pile, because I was wearing my gym shoes and didn't want to leave the safety of the walkway and risk getting snow on my pretty pink footwear.

Today’s Exploit:

I think Mitch’s entire purpose out here is to attempt to embarrass me, with the help of Ali, my ‘friend’. 

My first encounter with him was more or less normal, he joked and I smiled. The next time, however, I was fighting an o-ring. I was trying to get it in place around my flow sleeve, a steel cylinder with a flare at one end, and he decided it would be funny to comment on how well I did such a task. Sexual innuendo inserted here. Following that was an episode where Oscar had to help me and Mitch told us, “PJ puts the o-ring on way better than you.” Cue red face. 

Another encounter was the time he blatantly ignored the closed door in the weight room/gym and walked in on me working out. I actually didn’t expect any company that day, and was only wearing my sports bra and shorts. When I packed up to leave I had to walk through the gym to replace the mat and the Lysol. At that time he started a conversation about how difficult it is to work out when working nights, and I made not-committal noises. When he failed to get me talking he came in with this line:

“So, you look good.”

I made a beeline for the door calling out to have a good workout over my shoulder.

I was somewhat relieved when his last day came, and he was to go home for a week, but he had to have the parting shot.

Mitch: PJ, you know the two things I love about you?

PJ: (still trying to comprehend that remark and meaning What did you say?, rather than What are they?) What?

Mitch: Well, your name’s one of them.

He then proceeded to walk out the door and leave me trying to figure out if I heard the first part of that exchange properly. I’m pretty sure he wanted me to follow and beg him to tell me the rest or to be completely absorbed in figuring out the answer over the week he was gone, but I was so relieved to avoid such confrontations that it completely backfired. 

Tomorrow he switches back to nights, and I’m dreading having to be on the rig floor when he is. Especially after Ali told me how my trainee was acting around him, and a conversation the three of them had a few days ago concerning the time at the gym. Any advice on avoiding unwanted attention and diffusing the possible jealousy of someone yearning for attention?

I’m Not Sure How to Respond to That

I really don’t like my job today.

Today’s Exploit:

Alleah is the housekeeper at the camp that caters to the rig crew. They have individual rooms, a common room and make about 10.2 times the amount of food needed by everyone working on the rig. Alleah gets to clean the bedrooms every day, and the nasty boy-bathrooms. 

Since only three women are residing at this camp, Alleah talks to me a lot. I get to hear how disgusting the boys are and how horrible and evil the head cook is to her. I also have heard all about her boyfriend problems and know a great deal about her family. (Ali likes to talk)

The other night I was getting some salad to take with me for a “lunch” when she walked out of the kitchen.

Alleah: PJ, you have a nice butt!

Me: Um, thank you?

Alleah: No, really. Are those Lululemon pants, because those are awesome and make everyone look like they have curves.

Me: No, they’re just some cheap ones I found.

Alleah: Oh. Well, you have a nice butt, it’s nice and curvy.

Me: ...

Alleah: (walking away) It’s nice, you look black from the back.

I was completely blindsided by this conversation. Alleah has so much attitude, and she’s not shy about anything, and this conversation happened in the middle of the dining/common room. I don’t know how to respond to things like that, and I’m pretty sure anyone within earshot of her watched as I walked back to my room with my face flaming red and pulling my shirt down as far as I could.

Wardrobe Malfunction

I have a retractable cat 5/Ethernet cable for my computer. I got it when I started my job, so that I have an easy way to connect to the internet while I’m at rigs. I just discovered that it has, attached to the sides, two adapters for regular phone ports. I am so observant that it only took me 20 months to notice this.

Today’s Exploit:

When I was home I got to go to one of the Thursday night dances that the dance studio holds every week. I also decided to be brave, or foolish, and wear a strapless dress. I don’t have a very good history with strapless garments. My body has the special shape that makes skirts ride up to waist level, and shirts or dresses slide down to the same area.

I made it successfully to the studio and distributed the cupcakes I’d brought, and danced a song with Shawn.

At this point I decided to take off my bra, because it seemed to be aiding gravity and nature in getting my dress to slide down.

This solution worked quite well for a while, until I had to do turns. Having my arms up allowed the dress to slip much more quickly. But I was still able to function, mostly.

The next song was a Tango. I usually dance these with Shawn, because…just because. I thought I’d be safe because this dance does not usually involve many spins.

I was doing quite well until a big dramatic part of the song came up and Shawn decided to do a big dramatic swivel/kick/lunge move.

Suddenly I felt the dress move. And before I knew it I’d flashed everyone in the studio. And a few people outside. And I was right next to the mirror, for one of those 3D, all around view experiences.

I am pretty sure I had it fixed before I finished turning red. I also had a very strong fight or flight moment and it took nearly all of my willpower to overcome the urge to run out and never return. But I mastered it and proceeded to the following conversation.

Me: GASP!

Shawn: Are you ok?

Me: My dress just slipped down!

Shawn: And I missed it?

Me: Astohishment

Shawn: That has happened exactly 4 times since I started working here, and I always miss it because I am in frame!

Me: Oh.

Shawn: Don’t worry. No one saw anything, except maybe Jose.

Jose is the sketchy Mexican instructor that wears too much cologn and makes me feel like I need to be wearing 7 more layers of clothing.

Me: Great. Glad it turned out to be him.

Shawn spent the rest of the even alternating between telling me that no one saw anything and teasing me about stripping in public.

Then he thought it’d be fun to put me in the spotlight again. On the microphone.

“I just wanted to recognize PJ…long, nervous pause where I was sure he was going to tell the world about my “new occupation”... for bringing cupcakes.

You’re welcome, now stop looking at me.

Alligator Wrestling

The Underpants of Optimism are slowly making their way down my knees, shortly to arrive at their scheduled destination of my ankles. That is to say, my Balloon of Hope has a slow puncture. –Molly Malone of “Cynicism isn’t an Option… It’s a Lifestyle”

Today’s Exploit:

I made a friend on my last rig, and we sometimes talk. He is kinda crazy and we have some strange conversations, to say the least. Here is an example of some of the things we talk about:

Joseph: So, do alligators swim up to the rig?

Me: I haven’t seen any, yet. I don’t think I want to.


This is probably what it would look like.  Maybe more violent.

Joseph: Yeh I’d scream

Me: I‘d have to wrestle it, and I’d probably win. Then all the guys here would be intimidated and I‘d have an even harder time making friends.



See?  I can beat the snot out of those crazy gators.

Joseph: Hahahha. Either they’d b skerd of you or wanna date you.

Me: Um…

Joseph: They’d want you to have their baby!

Me: Oh dear.

Joseph: Bah hahahahaha

Me: Evil.

Joseph: All love sista.



Me: Mmmmhmmm. Somehow I’m not seeing it.

Joseph: Aww you should feel it then.

Me: Mmmmmmm. Nope.

We also argue about things like cartoons and children’s books. Or whose night is more boring. I always win because I have to fight with computers, all alone, by myself. He also thinks it’s funny to claim he’s going to send nude photos of himself, because he knows it embarrasses me. So then I want to strangle him for a while, until he gets another of my jokes. Then we can be friends again.

PS Dad: Tonight I’m going to make you research your own recipes, since you don’t bother with my research. I worked hard to find the perfect ones for you!

Flash Dance

Tonight I was bored, so I wandered up to the rig floor. I was talking with some of the hands when the driller asked where I was taking them for breakfast.

Driller: What time do you get relief?

Me: Six.

Driller: Okay, where are you taking us for breakfast?

Me: Where do you want to go?

Driller: What?

Me: WHERE DO YOU WANT TO GO?

Driller: IHOP? Okay.

Today’s Exploit:

When I got up today I puttered around for a while doing a workout and taking a shower. After my shower I was digging in my duffel to find some clothes when I heard something on the stairs. (My room has an outside door and one to the hallway) I looked up trying to figure out what it was.

Then my door opened!

There I was with my hair dripping in my face and nothing on but a towel, staring at some stranger that thought my door was the main door.

We both stared in shock for a beat before he closed the door and ran away. My next move was to lock the door. Next I felt relieved that I still was wearing my towel.

The guys I live with are still making fun of me for this episode.